Does this ever happen to you?

[texasgirl]

In the past two times in therapy I have had problems staying there physically. My doctor has a painting of New York for instance and I was looking at it and then I started getting really scared and I told him I had to go home right then even though the session wasn't over. He asked me if anything had happened in New York and I had no more thoughts except to go home. I stayed but it was very hard.

Then I was talking the next time about my grandmother and I started hearing her voice telling me to shut up and I told him. I feel like she programmed us when we were children not to tell about the abuse and she is able to control us even now by blocking our memories. I just wanted to go home very strongly. I stayed though it was very hard. It's like there is so much pain.

Has this happened to anyone? I don't know what to do. My psychiatrist increased my medicine so maybe it will help.

TG

 

[ladylore]

Re: Does this ever happen to you

Yes - it has happened to me.

Sometimes its like pulling teeth to get me to talk when I feel I am getting ready for an emotional battle. On the other hand, sometimes I just want to get the hell out of there.

It's the fight or flight thing. Couple of questions to ask yourself during those times that may help.

Even though I feel like I am in danger - in reality, am I in danger? If the answer is no - then you can remind yourself that your fight or flight mechanism is on 'stuck' and you are safe.

The other question: Is this person trying to be helpful? Another reality check, that the person means no malice.

Hope it helps.

 

[texasgirl]

Re: Does this ever happen to you

I do try to tell myself that it is safe and tell the voices to be quiet and leave me alone which is what my therapist says to do. Despite everything though I do stay. I think you have to work through the pain I guess.

Thank you Ladylore,

TG :hug:

 

[Jazzey]

Re: Does this ever happen to you

...It still happens to be TG. Whenever we hit a topic that's a little tougher for me, I mentally leave the room. It's a real struggle to stay present and I end up staring at my psychologist's lips - to try and keep focused on what she's saying.

Lately, I've been bringing a bottle of ice cold water with me. When we start nearing tougher topics, I hang on to the bottle or even take a small sip to stay present. it does help me a little...

 

[Jackie]

Re: Does this ever happen to you

Hello Texas Girl,

I call this "slipping away", when anyone touches on something really extra sensitive to me I'm gone, usually mentally gone to somewhere else but it can also be wanting to slip away physically too, its hard to stay grounded and focused in the present, and on the subject being disscussed:hug:

 

[Jazzey]

Re: Does this ever happen to you

Hi TG,

Do you mind my asking - I find that I go away quite a bit. But, most of the time, it isn't unpleasant. I actually quite enjoy some of those little going away trips of mine. Do you find the same thing? or, is it always unpleasant for you?

 

[texasgirl]

It depends. Sometimes it's like floating which isn't bad. Sometimes I am just panicked and have to get out of there. Usually though I start feeling pain and then there isn't anymore but then when I have to "come back" there is and I have to sit outside the therapist's office or wherever to feel safe enough to leave. Then sometimes I can't be around other people at all because I think they can see inside my mind.

TG

 

[Jazzey]

I really understand your last post here TG. After my last session, I sat in my car for 20 minutes tying to stop the dizziness before i felt safe enough to drive. Sometimes it really is beyond me and it takes a lot to come back from it. :hug: :hug:

 

[codenameeagle]

In the past two times in therapy I have had problems staying there physically. My doctor has a painting of New York for instance and I was looking at it and then I started getting really scared and I told him I had to go home right then even though the session wasn't over. He asked me if anything had happened in New York and I had no more thoughts except to go home. I stayed but it was very hard.

Then I was talking the next time about my grandmother and I started hearing her voice telling me to shut up and I told him. I feel like she programmed us when we were children not to tell about the abuse and she is able to control us even now by blocking our memories. I just wanted to go home very strongly. I stayed though it was very hard. It's like there is so much pain.

Has this happened to anyone? I don't know what to do. My psychiatrist increased my medicine so maybe it will help.

TG

I know this post was from May, but you should know that you are totally fine and what you are going through is normal for anyone who experienced any kind of emotional and/or physical abuse growing up. I don't know you personally or what you experienced growing up, but I can assure you that its highly unlikely your Grandmother meticulously plotted a way to stop you from openly expressing your feelings by somehow subliminally stopping you from remembering your childhood.

What is stopping you from talking about the abuse from growing up and remembering your childhood is "fear". You are stopping yourself because you are afraid, and that is totally a normal reaction for someone given your circumstances.

I think you should take some time to yourself every so often when you feel good, and write down how you feel, and take the time to digest all this fear you have built up in you. The key thing is about writing in a positive manner, even if you are getting out hurtful things, by looking at them with a positive perspective you will be able to slowly heal.