Double Trouble

[forgetmenot]

Hey i understand take care of me i do. I wish i could go away so i do not have to see her suffering but then i would be running again.
Something happened yesterday and it brought so much anger and pain in me i hurt myself.
I don't do that often The police that was there stopped me from doing it again
I just felt useless felt hopeless My twin was brought to hospital in ambulance she was psychotic and drinking i just missed her. Funny i knew something was wrong that is why i rushed over there.
They didn't even keep her long then she went home it is never going to end i know that

I hear you okay take care of me right I wish i could i really truly wish i could but there always seems to be someone else that is of more need than me. I am fine now i always am it is funny that way how i can just stop the emotions and just pick up and carry on.
Your right guilt trip doesn't accomplish anything now it just gets in the way of getting things done.

I need to focus on present not the past stay out of the past Thanks

 

[Jazzey]

When's your next therapy session Violet?

If you want, you can share with us what happened yesterday. Maybe that will help you a little? Or, journal about what you were feeling - just get it out, ok?

Otherwise, this is going to sound really harsh - your twin has to be responsible for her recovery. You can support her. But, you cannot do it for her. I sincerely believe that by being as close to her as you are, you are doing yourself a lot of harm in the process. You need to deal with the past for your own reasons - not as a means of salvation for your twin. Until you're ready to let go a little, the roller coaster ride will be never ending.

 

[forgetmenot]

Jazzey I had been trying to help my twin because her doctor was changing her medication around took her off of seriqual and on resperidone injection.
My twin phoned said she was becoming psychotic again hearing voices from past
She kept asking me questions about our past. I told her no NO i am not going there she kept talking about remembering when you know bringing up things i said no.
um I knew she was unstable
I told her to take a seriqual because the resperidone injection was not working yet it had only been 3 days.
Her doctor stopped the seriqual all together i am sorry but that was wrong
With my daughter they weaned her off her seriqual even with the injection given.
I was hoping the doctor in emergency would have fixed things but no she was sent home
She has take her seriqual and is feeling better.
I will try to call her pschiatrist tommorrow to get this clarified if she should not be weaned off the seriqual not stop it cold turkey.
My twin was bringing the past back saying things like remember when she was screaming non stop remembering that past
It made me feel so so bad and then i was angry because i had no control then and no control now so i start smashing my hand into the brick wall again and again then the police stopped me

I apologised said i was sorry but was just angry and i left
She should not have brought the past back right but that was because of her psychosis her voices wouldnt leave her alone.
I am okay I always am I phoned my twin i think she wants me to go over there right now i can't but maybe later maybe but not now i am into much physical pain my back and wrist

Sorry i am rambling just know i was overwhelmed thats all My daughter was home not well then my twin was not well and i was just tired thats all. Im okay now.

 

[Jazzey]

No rambling at all Violet.

While my mother doesn't suffer from psychosis, she also wants to bring up the past. I walk away if I have to...It's not always easy. And, it's not that I don't want to deal with the past - but, it has to be with someone 'safer'. My mother isn't that person for me. And neither is your twin for you. For that matter - neither is mine.

I'm sorry to hear about your sister's medications issues. Hopefully, that can be straightened out soon. I hope you didn't really hurt your hand, Violet. I understand the frustration.

Your situation is a little difficult Violet, because of your twin's psychosis. I'm wondering, if in those kinds of situations, you can maybe send your husband to make sure she's safe? Anyone but you.

I'm happy to hear that you're not really considering going over today. Yesterday was a lot to deal with - today - take care of you. :hug:

 

[forgetmenot]

Thanks for understanding My daughter is gone back to Guelph now My sister i went i had to to make sure she was stable.

Her psychosis was gone so no more mentioning the past so it went well.

I will still call tomorrow to clarify about her Seroquel being discontinued so abruptly.

I have a doctor appointment tomorrow getting blood work done and maybe get my wrist checked reminder to self no hitting brick walls stupid really stupid.

You are right though the past it is not good to remember unless someone is there to pull you out It was a little overwhelming but i was able to just blank it out again just don't go there.

Tomorrow another busy day taking care of me then my twin My mom and brothers called too I don't think i will have enough energy for them maybe Thursday i can go to help them.

Jazzey i am so sad about what happened but know it can't be undone now It is awful to think someone could be so cruel He knew we had no one to protect us he knew we had no father he knew he was bad god why it doesn't make sense none of it. It is over now but not for her it still plays on in her mind I wish she could just shut it off like me.

Sorry my husband will not go to my twins for me and i can't blame him He is doing enough to look after his daughter she is handful enough and i do understand that.