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jeffrey

Member
Joined
Mar 19, 2005
Messages
89
Points
6
Hello to you all,

I would like to introduce myself as an addict and alcoholic who spends most of his time clean but occasionally has a relapse. It's a constant battle, the enemy is negative energy. I amuse myself by visiting the many drug forums, not those that are set up to help but the kind that are freaquented by the drug subculture, so far i have been banned from two...You want to know why i was banned, because i spoke the truth,whatever happened to freedom of speech? These forums i speak of openly promote and advocate the use of all drugs, they think of themselves as freedom fighters, unfortunately they are far from it, the moderators operate in a very strict manner, basically if you go against the grain they silence you, they wipe your posts, it's the most repressive i have encountered on the internet. You can get recipes and methods for taking drugs, links to suppliers, etc., etc. It's unbelieveable. Did you know you can buy really powerful drugs over the net, psychedelic drugs, stimulants, opiates. I can buy a new drug from Ebay, it's like LSD but lasts three days, it's covered up and is being sold as something else. I think society will never overcome drugs, they are everywhere, lots of people get away with using drugs, many don't... More and more people of the world who have encountered drugs are becoming ill from them, mostly mental problems.

The drugs don't work! :dance:
 

David Baxter

Administrator
Joined
Mar 26, 2004
Messages
38,045
Points
113
Any forum owner has the right to make whatever rules s/he wants, of course. I wonder why you keep going to those places, though. What do you get out of it? Why expose yourself to abuse by people who don't want to hear what you have to say?
 

jeffrey

Member
Joined
Mar 19, 2005
Messages
89
Points
6
I think that years of entrenched drug use has left me feeling out in the cold with straight society,so i go to what i know,i don`t associate with users in the physical world anymore but have searched out those in cyberspace,familiararity is what you know right? It`s a learned behaviour,i`m trying to work it out as i go.

I think i`m angry aswell that i and my use of drugs really effected my life and development,at one end of the scale i blame governments for letting it`s citizens be exposed to such misery,at the other end i wish for an enlightened society where these things are legal and are an educated choice for the masses,i could debate the complexities for a life time on this topic as goverments probably do,but i also understand the power of money and corruption...

Look at how i ramble.I also try and warn others to not go down the road i did,i see their young ignorance that i had,i see the youth taking all manner of drugs without really knowing what they do,i try to explain that i really do know about drugs through my experiences,i watch them fool themselves with excuses and ilogical reasoning to their actions,and it all seems in vain,why did i suffer so? Why did my friends die so young?

Why am i not in a stable place in the world? No wife,no home of my own,totally unreasonable behaviour when in relationships,i cause pain and suffering to all i love.There is something at the core of it all but i don`t know what it is,there is an underlying problem that stops me at every turn,holds me back,i punish myself,i suffer,then i cause others to suffer,i hide it or put it to the back of my mind but it surfaces every now and then and people are taken by surprise,i act out of charector.

When i get really drunk i get bold and aggressive,confrontational until it comes to a head then i have been told i whimper like a wounded animal for hours,my farther told me it`s worse than a wounded animal,he has never heard a sound like it and says it sounds so unhappy and sad,it has really effected my farther to hear me like that,he doesn`t understand it and nor do i.I do take responsibility but i think i find it hard to cope in this world,i don`t understand a lot with human behaviour and interaction,i nkow i`m very unhappy and alone inside,that makes me angry when i get sad like that.

I`ve had therapists suggest maybe something happened to me as a child but i really don`t remember anything like that,they say we can hide memories but i think that can be a get out for a therapist not understanding the causes so they resort to abuse.

Life is complex at the best of times let alone fueling your developing mind with all manner of drugs, i think that is the cause of all my problems.

Being straight is just a word to me, i can mimic and do my best but i am different, when i`m with druggies i feel an understanding, even if it`s not real it just a thing i have in common with them, it`s that look that we give each other the "you know the score look".God knows where i`m going but i know where i`ve been! I would like a bit of this from a good woman with the patients of an angel.

So then Doc,whats the diagnosis? :doctor: No i`m only kidding, i know you can`t do that.
 
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HA

Member
Joined
Oct 31, 2004
Messages
1,516
Points
36
so i go to what i know,i don`t associate with users in the physical world anymore but have searched out those in cyberspace,familiararity is what you know right? It`s a learned behaviour,i`m trying to work it out as i go.

Jeffrey, this certainly makes sense. Have you tried face to face support groups such as N/A. There you would with others who most definitely know what you are going through and have the support of people who are "like minded". I think that may be a key for you to keep yourself drug free.

Do you have a therapist who specializes in drug addiction?

There is still hope but you need to have the support systems in place that are helpful to you not harmful to you such as the groups you are trying to get support and friendship from. You also may meet a girlfriend at the healthy support groups.
 

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