Effects of social environment

[ChrisR]

Hello!

I have a friend (female), which seems to feel awkard, while being in presence of people, which are more carismatic than her. When I talk to her, she is all smiling, but I noticed that she has trouble adapting to the situation.
I made some reasoning why this is so and observed that her other friends, with which she spends most of the time, are far less talkative/carismatic than her. I believe that she got used to this social environment and any person which shows a bigger difference regarding carisma, causes her an unpleasant feeling. What is your opinion on this?

Thanks for reading,
Chris

 

[David Baxter PhD]

I'm not sure I understand what you think charisma has to do with it or why you conclude she is uncomfortable.

I probably talk more around people who are quieter and less talkative and listen more around people who are chattier (or depending on the situation I might ask leading questions in an effort to try to help them talk a bit more, if they seem to be uneasy or shy) -- that doesn't necessarily have anything to do with me feeling uncomfortable.

What is it you see that makes you think she's "awkward"?

 

[ChrisR]

She seems to be happier when I allow or help her to take a dominant position in the discussion. This is why I conclude that she has a problem with charismatic persons, who express themselves a wider spectrum of emotions and who take a stronger grip on the discussion. It is just my feeling and I am completely unsure about this.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

All right -- I'm not trying to be difficult here but what do you mean by "happier"? What is it you're seeing?

Maybe it's more that when you back off a little you're giving her more of a chance to talk herself?

My point is that conversation is an interactive thing -- you sometimes need to give people room to talk but that's not necessarily an indication of social anxiety or anything like that.

 

[ChrisR]

She seems to feel more comfortable when she leads the conversation. It's not like I am stopping here from talking or that I am talking all the time, not giving her the chance to express herself. She seems to be more comfortable when she is in a leading dominant role. She smiles more (and it is not an evil grin, it's the kind of smile you show when you are pleased) and seems to be a bit more enthusiastic.

I'm not trying to be difficult here

I am very thankful for your replies.