steven, even if you feel peaceful with the idea of death, try to remember that there are people who love you and your death would absolutely crush them. your pain might end but it will spread to all those people whose lives you touch. it would devastate them. their pain will be just as real as yours is. please reconsider, tell your mom the truth about today and have her accompany you to the doctor at the hospital to get your new prescription. the current meds may not be helping but the new ones may. don't give up just yet.