HI,
I am new here, and at the moment am feeling constantly anxious, and very scared. Up until recently I was a perfectly normal guy who now and then was prone to occasional worry and stress, but never anything that caused me much anxiety. Until recently, I went on holiday to see a friend, and then whilst on holiday a thought just popped into my head that really freaked me out, and ruined the rest of my holiday as i was feeling constantly worried, and scared, and stressed!
I got back and then when i was sleeping i left the tele on and some news item came up and then I thought thats horrible, I couldnt imagine doing this or that which was a mistake because then a new horrible thought just popped in which then precedded to freak me out in a big way as this involved family, and too me there is nothing more important to me then my family in the whole world! I was soo freaked out and scared that I moved out of home and have started renting a flat because i was worried that what if I slept walked and did something (have never sleep walked before) but it worried me.
Now moving out has made me upset more, as I miss my family especially my brother who I am extremly close to, and this is making me upset. Also everytime I walk into the flat I know why i moved there and I think thats triggering me. Also the flat is expensive and worry about losing my job someday due to getting very freaked out as I have read some people get incapacitated, and then I worry what if that happens to me how will I cope, as I believe it is mine and my brothers responsibility to look after my family and make sure they have what they need.
I have also had silly thoughts that pop in like when at work and i am talking to someone, "What if i call them a bad name" and bang for next to days whilst talking to people in pop a wide variety of colourfull words which are totally against my nature, as I am a darn, and oh gosh type of person as believe there is not call to use bad language. I have been reading some ocd forums, and seen stuff about suicide, and then that triggers me in terms of "what if...." and then i went through 2 days of being scared to go in the kitchen as i have normal cutting knifes, I actually had to put them in the cupboard cause it was freaking me out so much.
I have seen my doc who said when i first started having the horrible thoughts about fam it was normal and its anxiety and try to occupy your time with something else, but thats actually quite hard to do. Went back to the dr's but my doc (whos really nice and friendly) wasnt there and had another doc, who was nice, but freaked me out by asking have my family had history of mental illness or have i ever heard voices in my head (that really freaked me out) as i started thinking oh my and then panic sets in. In truth I don't think it is voices as it seems only i can trigger it by thinking about anxiety, and its more like me trying to wind myself up as much as possible.
Its funny as i have read that just ignoring thoughts removes the fear and the anxiety but then I start thinking why am i not anxious am i actually ok with these thoughts and then straight back into scared and anxious i go. Even eating and drinking, I am worried why am I able to eat and drink why am i not feeling not hungry (which has occured quite a bit due to the worrying) and then around I go.
I have decided to go see my Dr who is back and have written down (or tried to) all my symptoms, and some questions? I would desperatlly like to move back with my fam as am lonley and miss my fam very much especially my brother. Is this a wise move? I find that when i am with my brother I am able to relax a bit more, even though horrible thoughts pop in, thing is I don't know if its OCD, chronic worring, this whole thing is playing baseball with my emotions. I dont think i am helping by trying to analyse everything i do, eating, drinking etc...
Also if i do move back, i am now tied into a 6 month contract and don't know what i can do, any ideas?
Would greatly appreciate some advice.
Thanks,
Ali
I am new here, and at the moment am feeling constantly anxious, and very scared. Up until recently I was a perfectly normal guy who now and then was prone to occasional worry and stress, but never anything that caused me much anxiety. Until recently, I went on holiday to see a friend, and then whilst on holiday a thought just popped into my head that really freaked me out, and ruined the rest of my holiday as i was feeling constantly worried, and scared, and stressed!
I got back and then when i was sleeping i left the tele on and some news item came up and then I thought thats horrible, I couldnt imagine doing this or that which was a mistake because then a new horrible thought just popped in which then precedded to freak me out in a big way as this involved family, and too me there is nothing more important to me then my family in the whole world! I was soo freaked out and scared that I moved out of home and have started renting a flat because i was worried that what if I slept walked and did something (have never sleep walked before) but it worried me.
Now moving out has made me upset more, as I miss my family especially my brother who I am extremly close to, and this is making me upset. Also everytime I walk into the flat I know why i moved there and I think thats triggering me. Also the flat is expensive and worry about losing my job someday due to getting very freaked out as I have read some people get incapacitated, and then I worry what if that happens to me how will I cope, as I believe it is mine and my brothers responsibility to look after my family and make sure they have what they need.
I have also had silly thoughts that pop in like when at work and i am talking to someone, "What if i call them a bad name" and bang for next to days whilst talking to people in pop a wide variety of colourfull words which are totally against my nature, as I am a darn, and oh gosh type of person as believe there is not call to use bad language. I have been reading some ocd forums, and seen stuff about suicide, and then that triggers me in terms of "what if...." and then i went through 2 days of being scared to go in the kitchen as i have normal cutting knifes, I actually had to put them in the cupboard cause it was freaking me out so much.
I have seen my doc who said when i first started having the horrible thoughts about fam it was normal and its anxiety and try to occupy your time with something else, but thats actually quite hard to do. Went back to the dr's but my doc (whos really nice and friendly) wasnt there and had another doc, who was nice, but freaked me out by asking have my family had history of mental illness or have i ever heard voices in my head (that really freaked me out) as i started thinking oh my and then panic sets in. In truth I don't think it is voices as it seems only i can trigger it by thinking about anxiety, and its more like me trying to wind myself up as much as possible.
Its funny as i have read that just ignoring thoughts removes the fear and the anxiety but then I start thinking why am i not anxious am i actually ok with these thoughts and then straight back into scared and anxious i go. Even eating and drinking, I am worried why am I able to eat and drink why am i not feeling not hungry (which has occured quite a bit due to the worrying) and then around I go.
I have decided to go see my Dr who is back and have written down (or tried to) all my symptoms, and some questions? I would desperatlly like to move back with my fam as am lonley and miss my fam very much especially my brother. Is this a wise move? I find that when i am with my brother I am able to relax a bit more, even though horrible thoughts pop in, thing is I don't know if its OCD, chronic worring, this whole thing is playing baseball with my emotions. I dont think i am helping by trying to analyse everything i do, eating, drinking etc...
Also if i do move back, i am now tied into a 6 month contract and don't know what i can do, any ideas?
Would greatly appreciate some advice.
Thanks,
Ali
