Factitious Disorder? Sister Diagnosed Herself With Multiple Sclerosis

[gratejunk]

Hello there, Any help or suggestions would be appreciated greatly.

My sister decided about 5 years ago that she has Multiple Sclerosis. She went to doctor after doctor trying to get a diagnosis of MS. No one would diagnose her. Finally, she went to the Mayo Clinic and after spending a week there having tests run, they basically told her nothing was wrong with her.

She came home and continues to tell everyone she has MS. She reads and researches a great deal and so is very aware of the symptoms. So of course she exhibits them including a dragging of one of her legs. This comes and goes as do her other symptoms, conveniently I might add.

At the beginning, I thought something must be terribly wrong with her. But after a few years of this and the fact that she does not deteriorate, I became suspicious. My sister's dragging leg improved drastically when she didn't know she was being watched. She uses her “illness” as a way to avoid anything she does not want to do, but is never limited by her “disease” when it comes to things she wants to do.

My parents, as well as the small cirle of people she is around, have fallen for this hook, line and sinker and are extremely protective of my sister and her children. They all enable her.They do not see the discrepancies. I have tried to gently suggest to my parents that maybe my sister is severely depressed or has something else wrong with her, but they get very angry and defensive at the mere suggestion that it could “be in her head.”

Does anyone have any advice for me? Any ideas of how to deal with this entire situation?

 

[Retired]

Re: Sister Diagnosed Herself With Multiple Sclerosis

Welcome to Psychlinks and than you for the post.

Hopefully you should receive some helpful replies in how to deal with your sister's situation and we will be following your discussion with interest.

 

[Daniel E.]

Re: Sister Diagnosed Herself With Multiple Sclerosis

Any ideas of how to deal with this entire situation?

I would be pessimistic about being able to change anything. Even when people are not in denial about their mental health problems, resistance to change is the norm. So I like the phrase "love at a distance." Which to me means you can love someone without being involved in their mental health except when you think it would be worthwhile.

Does she sometimes worry she may have something else that may be causing the "symptoms," like lime disease? In other words, maybe it is possible that it is partly related to health anxiety rather than just due to something like conversion disorder or malingering.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Re: Sister Diagnosed Herself With Multiple Sclerosis

You might try looking for information on Factitious Disorders, Hypochondriasis, Somatization Disorder, Malingering, or Munchausen Syndrome.

You can do a search at Wikipedia or on this forum for more information beyond the basic definitions and criteria.

 

[Daniel E.]

Re: Sister Diagnosed Herself With Multiple Sclerosis

My parents, as well as the small cirle of people she is around, have fallen for this hook, line and sinker and are extremely protective of my sister and her children.

I guess there's always family therapy, but the people who would benefit the most from it usually have no motivation to go.

 

[Sky Abelar]

Re: Sister Diagnosed Herself With Multiple Sclerosis

Of course you are concerned for your sister, and maybe there will be something you can do for her, but I would like to ask you...how does her being this way affect you?? Do you think you might be getting into an emotional charge about it? If so, look at why and ask yourself what you believe about it. Oftentimes, the best way to help someone else is by helping ourselves first. I hope this doesn't sound judgmental, because I surely don't intend it that way. Just want to explain that we also enable others just by "reacting" to their stuff -- if you know what I mean. Anyway, if you find that you aren't able to help your sister, the important thing is getting you to where you feel OK with allowing her to do this. Can you allow your sister to fake this illness, and can you allow your whole family to be in on it? If not, why not? Hope this helps!

 

[gratejunk]

Re: Sister Diagnosed Herself With Multiple Sclerosis

Thank you for your response. I really appreciate it. I think I posted this in the wrong area so I am not getting much in the way of responses.

I do not think there is anything I am able to do to help my sister. I think she is in a position that she really likes. I have tried to let her “illness” go but it is hard for many reasons. One big reason is that my sister has 3 children. When she started all this, her children were 13, 11, and 8. She essentially took and continues to take a huge amount of attention away from her kids. Unfortunately, my parents totally buy into this whole thing and so they enable her.

I believed something was truly wrong for about a year and a half. She had all these symptoms and went to doctor after doctor. But no one could figure out what was wrong with her. Anyhow, she went to the Mayo clinic and stayed a week having tests run. They said nothing was wrong with her. She came back and continues to tell everyone she has MS. She read and read and decided this is what she has.

Since my neice was 13 my parents took her to do the family’s grocery shopping. She and the other children were responsible for a lot of the housework as well. My sister home schools her kids which really upsets me because you cannot possibly do a good job while lying in bed. My sister also managed to make it to church every time the doors were open. Some of her symptoms become much less pronounced when no one is watching her.

I guess the thing that really clued me in was the fact that my sister’s illness never gets in the way of anything she wants to do, but is always available when she wants to avoid things, work. She managed to take a car trip all the way to Florida, but can’t make trips that she does not want to make.

Another thing is that she never deteriorates. She actually looks very healthy. She is thin which my mom attributes to her illness, but I have watched her eat and she does not eat much. I think she may be annorexic. Anyhow, I tried to talk to my mom about the inconsistancies, but she just got angry. She refuses to even consider my sister is faking or has a mental problem.

My parents are very close to my sister and her children. I live about 5 hours away and my parents have never been very involved in my life or my children’s lives. When I see them, they can’t stop talking about my sister and her kids. It is like they can't wait to get back to them. When I am with my parents and my siblings at family get togethers( I have 2 sisters and a brother) everything revolves around my sister. We can’t go places because it would be too hard on my sister. My sister’s illness controls the family and it really upsets me. Not just that she is being controlling by this fake illness, but that my parents do not see it. My sister has essentially become a spoiled brat. No one will disagree with her because she gets upset and it is “bad for her” I guess.

I am the only one who will stand up to her when she is out of line. So I guess I don’t know how to drop this whole thing. It can be very stressful. My sister is always the center of attention when our family is together even if she isn’t there! I do not know how to get around my anger about this. I try to avoid discussing her “illness” with her or anyone else in the family but it doesn’t seem to matter it is always there.

It would be nice if my mother could focus on her other kids. I was having a great deal of physical symptoms about 2 years ago. I was actually afraid something was very wrong with me. It turned out I had hit menopause very early. Throughout this ordeal, my mom played it down and when I told her what it turned out to be, she says, "I bet my sister will hit it early too." I was so amazed that this even became about my sister. My sister is also very mean to our children, all of my siblings kids. She accuses them of things that never happened and makes it generally known she does not like them while faking she does.

Anyhow, I am sure I have rambled enough. Thanks again for your input.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

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