Fear of annual physical exam because of PTSD

[Jesse910]

My life has been somewhat calm the past few months with minimal stuff. However, I recently scheduled a physical exam with my doctor [that I've put off for the past 18 months] because I felt it was time. When I stopped seeing my shrink 2 years ago, this doctor agreed to write my prescriptions for my meds without me having to do any face time with him. The stipulation was that I continue to meet with my therapist which I have done. This doctor is not getting any younger and neither am I. And, he's doing me a huge favor.

The deal is: I was molested as a kid by a woman; about 6 years ago, my husband forced me against my will; and nearly two years ago, I had a woman's exam performed by a female doctor that was horrific and handled badly by the doctor. And, I'm afraid of being touched or probed. I would rather face a plate of liver! My husband and I are working out our issues in marriage counseling. And, I'm seeing a therapist. And, while this specific issue has come up in both therapies, I tend to block it out until I absolutely have to deal with it or by just ignoring it. What's interesting is that I have back/shoulder/neck problems that I treat with massage therapy and my therapist is a man who helps me to feel safe by just talking me through stuff and not criticizing me. And, yes, it continues to cause problems in my marriage.

Bottomline, I've started stressing about this appointment which is the end of this week. My husband cannot accompany me. I've thought of cancelling, but I don't want to do anything to jeopardize getting the meds. Thus far, I haven't been able to solve my fears without becoming more fearful. I just want to get through this process in one piece.

Thank you.

 

[Mari]

I would rather face a plate of liver!

I am with you on that and I have yet to find a satisfactory solution for my anxiety but I do want to offer my support. I hope you do not cancel because if you can make it through the appointment then it will be a worry that hopefully you will not have to deal with again for a long time. Would it help to start the appointment with telling the doctor how anxious you feel about the examination? :support: Mari

What is Catastrophizing? - Psych Central I just noticed this link in another post and wonder if it might be helpful.

 

[NicNak]

The deal is: I was molested as a kid by a woman; about 6 years ago, my husband forced me against my will; and nearly two years ago, I had a woman's exam performed by a female doctor that was horrific and handled badly by the doctor.

Your husband forced you against your will....did he assult you?

I am so sorry to hear all of this and that you are in great fear and pain inside. :support:

I am sure you told her about what happened to you and that would make how the doctor handled you, feel even worse. Since we would all hope they would be sensitive to our fears and help us through it.

Bottomline, I've started stressing about this appointment which is the end of this week. My husband cannot accompany me. I've thought of cancelling, but I don't want to do anything to jeopardize getting the meds. Thus far, I haven't been able to solve my fears without becoming more fearful. I just want to get through this process in one piece.

Thank you.

I stress out about my appointments at the best of times. I can't imagine how you feel right now.

Are you seeing a new doctor this time? Please do not hesitate (infact I suggest you do) to tell her that you are feeling very scared as a result of the molestation and the previous doctor experience you had.

I am not sure where you live, but here, most doctors with new patients have an appointment where they ask questions on past medical history etc. This is where I have always discussed my concerns and past history. Then they schedule the physical exam for another date.

My heart goes out to you. Is there any way you can call your Psychologist or Therapist to maybe get an appointment to discuss this before hand?

:support: :hug:

 

[Jesse910]

Dear NicNak and Mari:

Thanks for your responses. No, I had not thought about telling the doctor because I hate the fact that they now record things electronically. I have a basic mistrust of all doctors/nurses because of a variety of things that have occurred in the past. And, no, the doctor is someone I've known for over 20+ years. He's the one who figured out that I was depressed.

With the woman doctor I saw, I did not feel comfortable with her even though both my husband and I warned her that I had been molested as a child. I will never see her again! It is helping to acknowledge my fears here though and that's a first step for me. At this point, I'm not going to put myself through the torture of doing anything that will bring me discomfort beyond a blood test. It may be best to wait until my husband can go with me. This doctor is not a bad guy, I'm just scared. And, both of you are right. I need to just tell him upfront what I can handle and what I cannot.

In terms of my husband, he wanted intimacy and I didn't. And, instead of understanding that my "no" meant no, he proceeded. It wasn't until afterwards, that he realized that he should have listened. Additionally, I had never told him about the earlier molestation. It was a very painful and emotional time for us. His actions were not intentional just forceful. And, as I said, we are in counseling.

And, yes, I'm scheduled to see my therapist tomorrow. So, hopefully, my therapist can walk me through the steps and get me to the other side. I just want it over already.

Thank you both again for pointing out the obvious in the midst of the forest.

 

[Jazzey]

I'm scared when I go as well Jesse. And I agree with both their advice: you should absolutely tell your doctor (most doctors better know how to treat you).

I'm happy that you're taking care of yourself and if you have to wait for a time when your husband can come, do so. But don't put it off altogether - too important.

 

[Jesse910]

Thanks Jazzey:

For once, I think I did the right thing by talking about this now instead of waiting until the last minute. At times, I can be such a jerk. And, yes, I'll talk with my husband and set a different time in the future to handle. And, I'll tell my doctor as much as I can and hope that he doesn't document it.

Jesse

 

[Jazzey]

I'm happy you posted Jesse. Especially if you're feeling better about it now. As for documenting it, it could actually be a blessing if he did - then other doctors would have the heads up without you're having to tell them every time...And I don't know whether he will or not. You could always ask him if he's going to document...

I went through some tests this year which meant a number of different appointments with different specialists. I had to tell them every time...I know you know how difficult this is.

BTW - you weren't being a jerk . And I'm glad you shared with us. It's sometimes really comforting to see others are going through the same issues .

 

[NicNak]

Thank you both again for pointing out the obvious in the midst of the forest.

There is a quote that goes something like this "can't see the trees for the forest" It isn't always odvious, I don't want you to think your feelings are not valid, cause they are. Sometimes, it is just easier to see things with the assistance of another persons eyes, is all.

I am glad you talked to us too. :support:

 

[Jesse910]

Hey NicNak:

I'm LOL. I understood your message. Yep, it is easier to find your way through something when you're not the sole navigator. I had just worked myself up to the point where I was becoming immobile and I needed to get unstuck.

Have a good day!

Jesse

 

[NicNak]

Hey NicNak:

I'm LOL. I understood your message. Yep, it is easier to find your way through something when you're not the sole navigator. I had just worked myself up to the point where I was becoming immobile and I needed to get unstuck.

Have a good day!

Jesse

I am glad I made you laugh Jesse , although I didn't even try too :rock:. But laughter is awsome :high5:

Let us know how you are doing Jesse. I am glad your are unstuck now. I know all too well how that feels too, I so relate.

 

[Into The Light]

the other thought is you could also have a friend accompany you instead of your husband if your husband can't make it

 

[Halo]

That is what I was going to suggest ITL. I know that having a comforting face to look into while the exam is happening really helps.

Good luck Jesse

 

[NicNak]

the other thought is you could also have a friend accompany you instead of your husband if your husband can't make it

Great idea Into The Light!