Fear of change

[Michelle83]

Hi, I'm new here but was hoping someone might be able to offer some advice.

I'm struggling with some body image issues. I used to suffer from an eating disorder but have been at a healthy weight for over 10 years. I eat enough to sustain this but am still very afraid of changes to my body. I really like the way I look (which is a huge improvement from the past), but so much so that I'm rather obsessive about maintaining it.

I get great anxiety if I deter from my diet, miss workouts, or am just not in control of things. It's really hampering my ability to live 'normally' as I kind of feel a slave to my routine.

I enjoy living healthy, but don't know why I fear potential change so much. I think deep down I'd still be rather disgusted with myself if I started to gain a lot of weight. Plus, I've worked hard in the gym and with eating right to bring my body from very underweight to a healthy and attractive weight, so it really bugs me to let that go.

Any advice on how I can help get past this or maybe there are still some underlying issues I haven't addressed?

I'm also rather afraid of getting into a serious romantic relationship as it may mean not following my diet/workouts as often and I fear I'd gain weight and my potential partner would leave me because I wasn't attractive any longer.

 

[Daniel E.]

Re: Fear of change..

but don't know why I fear potential change so much.

Certainly, everyone fears change to some degree:

The risk of being changed is one of the most frightening experiences we can face.

~ Carl Rogers: Breakdowns in Communication in On Becoming a Person

http://forum.psychlinks.ca/therapy-and-therapists/17479-the-risk-of-change-in-therapy.html

and my potential partner would leave me because I wasn't attractive any longer.

While that may be temporarily upsetting, it wouldn't be awful/intolerable. (In other words, one thing that can fuel anxieties/avoidance is awfulizing.) More generally:

Another person’s poor behavior has nothing to do with your sense of identity or potential for happiness...Our emotional responses to upsetting actions—not the actions themselves—are what create anxiety and depression.

http://forum.psychlinks.ca/cognitiv...077-humorist-on-awfulizing-and-pessimism.html

 

[Michelle83]

Re: Fear of change..

Certainly, everyone fears change to some degree:




While that may be temporarily upsetting, it wouldn't be awful/intolerable. (In other words, one thing that can fuel anxieties/avoidance is awfulizing.) More generally:

Thanks for the reply. That does give me something to think about. I definitely am guilty of awfulizing I'd say. I'll try and think about this going forward...

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Any advice on how I can help get past this or maybe there are still some underlying issues I haven't addressed?

I would say yes. Is seeing a face-to-face therapist feasible for you?

 

[Daniel E.]

More info:

Therapy & Therapists

http://forum.psychlinks.ca/therapy-and-therapists/20676-finding-mental-health-care-when-money-is-tight.htm


BTW:

Psychotherapy...is less concerned with looking for causes to explain what you do and more concerned with discovering patterns in the meanings you make of what you're doing.

http://forum.psychlinks.ca/therapy-and-therapists/28244-psychotherapy-isnt-what-you-think.html

 

[bloodwood]

Hi Michelle83,
One thing that maybe you aren't noticing outright...
You used to eat in an unhealthy way and not look as good as you do now.

But now:
"I really like the way I look"
"I enjoy living healthy"
"I've worked hard in the gym and with eating right to bring my body from very underweight to a healthy and attractive weight"

So somewhere along the road you developed or found the inner strength to achieve this incredible goal and ---AND! Maintain it for 10 years!!!!!
So you once felt terrible about yourself because you weren't "strong" enough to do then, what you can do now.

But Michelle83 you did manage it and what in the world could ever take away that strength that you have acquired? You have changed as a person since the old days. You might gain weight or have a bit of trouble at some critical points in your life...But you are still the new you....the "you" that did and maintained this fantastic life changing decision.
You aren't even capable of changing that and going back to being that old person - even if you wanted to. None of us can do that.

The reason you are so anxious is because you just haven't realized this. Some little part of you still clings to the thought that you might somehow magically revert to a person who no longer exists. Michelle83 you need to somehow connect to the truth that in some ways you simply aren't that person anymore. You have somehow found answers that you needed and even if you do have a relapse you are now a stronger person and will likely stand back up and kick some butt! (Please excuse my harsh language. )

Relationships... When you meet some nice person that is the right person then part of the "rightness" will be that they are understanding of your strengths and weaknesses and struggles. Or you simply have not yet found the right person.
My girlfriend is very much like you and has a strict eating practice and has also achieved her desired look/goal but is terrified of slipping. I just try to be understanding even though it impacts aspects of our relationship a bit. I try to support her goals and still hope that she can find her way to a balanced sense of peace with her struggle.

She is a wonderful person and that is who I love. You will find someone to support and accept you. It will happen more easily as you come to realize that you are a new and stronger person.

Bye for now