Fear of Death

[HotthenCold]

Hi

I searched the site for articles about the fear of death, but I couldn't find exactly what I was looking for.

I'm just wondering what anyones thoughts on fear of death are. Anything you want to share about your experience with the death of a loved one, or even just your experience of pondering the almighty and whether or not it scares you.

I just want to hear other peoples opinions or comments about death so I can ease some anxiety.

Here is my thoughts on it right now if your interested:

Sometimes, usually when I'm alone, thinking about death and how ugly and painful it can terrifies me.
The overwhelming finality of death shakes me to the point I want to puke because I feel so helpless and scared.

Fear of death doesn't rule my life. I'm usually fairly confident and happy go lucky. But there are those times that I'm sure everyone has where the ugliness and possible pain of death grips you. To me though there are times it just makes everything seem so ugly and doomed. I hate that feeling since there are times when the fear of death is completely overridden by an equally powerful positive feeling.

Maybe I just didn't get enough sun today...

I look forward to your posts and hearing what you have to say about the subject.

()_()

 

[Retired]

It would seem that thoughts about our own mortality are often associated with the death of a loved one, with the news of an illness or with aging.

Our perception and emotional response to thoughts of death seem to be associated with how we perceive an afterlife...if any.

Are the concerns about death centered on the manner of one's death, such as an unexpected event vs a chronic illness, the loss of current lifestyle or the possible consequences of an afterlife?

 

[Daniel E.]

Regarding such existential issues, there is the movie Groundhog Day. The main character is doomed to relive the same day over and over again in a 24-hour time loop until he is able to live life happily and spiritually in the present.

Regarding spirituality, specifically, it can help even if one doesn't have notions of an afterlife, e.g.

A Buddhist view of fear and phobia - Psychlinks

Thoughts Without A Thinker: Psychotherapy From A Buddhist Perspective

Outside of such normal concerns and fears about death (which are often pushed under the rug in our death-denying culture), for some people with depression or anxiety, thoughts of death may be more problematic as part of distorted, all-or-nothing thinking, e.g. I have sometimes felt like Shakespeare's Hamlet:

"absolutist, dichotomous thinking," which views death as the "principal reality"

Cognitive Distortions: Ten forms of twisted thinking - Psychlinks

The ironic thing for me is that fear of death can be lowest in old age. One finding:

Gesser et al. (1987-1988), found that death has a curvilinear relationship with age, being relatively high in young adulthood, peaking in middle adulthood, and reaching a minimum in old age.

Dying, death, and bereavement - Google Book Search

To make the point, my developmental psychology textbook had a picture of an elderly woman who bought a wood casket in advance and was using it as a standing bookshelf.

A similar point is that life is lived in stages and, therefore, one can deal with these issues in stages:

...Erik Erickson proposed that humans go through stages of development. The last one is late adulthood/elderly when psychological conflicts revolve around integrity vs. despair. Those who have integrity feel complete, content, and satisfied with their lives, and are more serene as they face the end. Their later years can be the best ever, as exemplified by the centenarians on the show. Those who have despair, however, feel they have made too many wrong decisions and have no remaining opportunities to change their lives. Bitterness, defeat, and hopelessness consume them, and they find it very hard to accept death.

...Our quest should be to create more integrity in our lives so when we face our inevitable death, its sting is gone.

Life Ends at 150, or Later? | Psychology Today Blogs

 

[Into The Light]

The ironic thing for me is that fear of death can be lowest in old age.

i am so glad to see that. death really scares me and when i think about what it actually is i find it distressing to think that some day i just plain won't exist. i do hope as i age i find it less bothersome. i'd hate to go when i'm still terrified of it.

 

[Jazzey]

Other people's death scare me. The people in my life. But my own death doesn't scare me...

 

[NicNak]

Other people's death scare me. The people in my life. But my own death doesn't scare me...

I completely agree with Jazzey. This is how I feel too.

 

[Halo]

Neither my death nor that of others scares me. I have already lost a loved one and that is the one that mattered.

 

[Daniel E.]

Another point:

One important observation is that people's death attitudes tend to be a mixed bag, with conflicting attitudes that counterbalance each other in the service of adaptation.

Death Anxiety Handbook: Research ... - Google Book Search

And another irony:

By withdrawing feeling and energy from personal pursuits and goal-directed activity, individuals reduce their vulnerability to their anticipated loss of self through death. Ironically, in deadening themselves in advance, people barely notice the transition from "living" to dying.

Death Anxiety Handbook: Research ... - Google Book Search

 

[forgetmenot]

Death is just the final stage and to me i am not afraid of it.

 

[blueknight]

Hey !when the going gets tough, the tough get going.
When it's time to go,It's time to go. don't fight it..
Try to do the best you can , while in this body...
specially if you're suffering and or in pain..look forward
to the next life,your suffering will end and who knows! maybe a new begining... Just let the river take it's own course..



End Of Life
The human race we are
We have come long and far
Time should have foretold
Our tales of the past known

Lucky are we to live
The spirits still hold us within
We should have been history
Yet we are still here in mystery


The nature speaks the truth
Yet we think it's all a fluke
Our earth has undying magic
Yet the turn of events are tragic


We should hear the nature speak
In many forms it deforms to be
The living of many species
And it's spirits that helps us to be


Light the sun bring in days
Brightness of moon and stars at night
Blue sky, yet so dark at night
Full of life, yet alone at times


All this will end
Only the time will tell when
All the spirits will leave
And new life will begin then
yours sincerely, bk

 

[Daniel E.]

Related book by Irvin Yalom:

Staring at the Sun: Overcoming the Terror of Death

Video about the book:
YouTube - Philosophy Talk - Overcoming the Terror of Death

 

[Been there Done that]

I understand your fear. Are you (with no offence to non religious people) religious? What we believe shapes our thinking.
I have phantaphobia in the form of OCD-this means a fear that I will commit morbid acts to cause death to myself. I will never want to hurt myself I just struggle with what if I do this or do that? (like fall down when going in that dark garage causing death or being clumsy! Does this make sense?
I hope so!

 

[Timber]

I don't fear death. I fear what I might go through just before I die!

 

[michavalos]

Death is just the final stage and to me i am not afraid of it.

I am not afraid of death but somehow it made me think, is there really a life after death? I would love to have the answer while I am still alive but it seems it is impossible, we can only find the answer if we face death.