Fear Of Treatment

[David Baxter PhD]

The Fear Of Treatment
by Untreatableonline
July 6, 2009

I have written about a part of this in the past where some of us who are mentally unwell fear getting better because it is an unknown.

The mental disorders or labels that I carry around with me have been on my back for quite some time and to be honest I can not remember my life without them. My day to day life is about survival and waiting for that next wave to send me down the dark hole of despair and in some peoples minds it would seem that I would want to do everything in my power to get out of this cycle but the thing is I am use to it. Suicidal thoughts are as common as the thought of what I will wear for the day and the thought of ending my life does not have any fear to it anymore (I am not suicidal). I know how to fill my day to keep myself busy and occupied which keeps my brain away from the thoughts that get me into my trouble.

This is just the way my life is and it is difficult and scary to think what would happen if I woke up tomorrow a 100% cured as I would have no idea how to survive in that world.

The other part is the thought or safety net that treatment brings where you always have that reason/excuse where "If things get too bad I will just go into treatment".

You would be amazed how much power the previous statement has but this is also where another fear lies.

What would happen if I completed 100% of therapy, attended all of the groups and meetings but at the end nothing changed. Goose bumps are covering my body as the thought of never getting better scares the living hell out of me.

What happens if I am truly untreatable?

 

[forgetmenot]

" The thought of never getting better scares the hell out of me" A very true and powerful statement i feel alot of people have this fear. Can one get back to their full self to the place they were before all the pain and illness. Fear is an emotion that stops alot of people from ever getting the help they did.

 

[Always Changing]

Hi Mary

Can one get back to their full self to the place they were before all the pain and illness.

If full self means leading a regular life with all it's ups and downs then yes I do believe people can and do get back to that place, maybe even a better place. I believe during the recovery from their illness ( for inst: anxiety or depression) they would now have some changes in their thinking, better coping skills etc. Not all illnesses can be "cured" but with most illlness's we can learn to live better lives by learning new ways to cope.
for some people dealing with whatever illness and it's associated problems can be very hard, for some it will never happen as fear of treatment, fear of getting well, or fear of finding out maybe they will not be "cured" will hold them back.
The fear of the unknown can be most frightening, but with proper help that fear can I would like to think be turned into a venture into the land of being well.

Being well for me means being able to handle the ups and downs of my illness better and hopefully not venturing into the deep ravine of depression, this I would gladly settle for.

 

[forgetmenot]

Thank you for your response and helping me understand this emotion of fear and its ability to interfer with healing. I too hope to be able to live with better coping skills some day

 

[Banned]

The mental disorders or labels that I carry around with me have been on my back for quite some time and to be honest I can not remember my life without them. My day to day life is about survival and waiting for that next wave to send me down the dark hole of despair and in some peoples minds it would seem that I would want to do everything in my power to get out of this cycle but the thing is I am use to it. Suicidal thoughts are as common as the thought of what I will wear for the day and the thought of ending my life does not have any fear to it anymore (I am not suicidal). I know how to fill my day to keep myself busy and occupied which keeps my brain away from the thoughts that get me into my trouble.

This is just the way my life is and it is difficult and scary to think what would happen if I woke up tomorrow a 100% cured as I would have no idea how to survive in that world.

I feel like I could have written this part myself. In fact, I'm sure I have, on several occasions. It's just never been published on the internet.

I've been spending alot of time lately debating whether or not I even want to get better. I know that sounds a bit odd; it does to me, too. Who would choose to live their lives in this misery, waiting for the next major depressive episode and suicidal feelings to overtake them? Yet, this "misery" is the only life I know and it's become quite easy to become comfortable with it.

I am in an abusive relationship, and I am my own abuser. And I don't know if I'm ready to leave it.

Sad eh?

 

[Always Changing]

Hi Turtle,
for some reason as I read through your post, this in particular,

I am in an abusive relationship, and I am my own abuser. And I don't know if I'm ready to leave it.

I thought of this other thread and where you are at,
in the other thread\board the topic is
"for abused women, leaving is a complex and confusing process"

I know they are different topics yet there are similarities I think.
or maybe I have just lost the plot in putting your post and this topic together in my mind.