Feeling unstable

[HotthenCold]

Hi there,

just needing to vent a little bit. I'm feeling like a bit of a loser due to the state I've let my life fall into. I'm a student in a program I can barely stay conscious for, I'm 25, I live at home, and I just don't feel like my life is where i want it right now, due to my laziness and impulsiveness. Right now I'm really stressed for a few reasons. I still have a year and a half left in school, and I desperately want to start "living my life" as I now know more what i want. The stress comes from the fact that I won't be able to pursue my dreams for a while since school takes so much energy and time. Luckily my parents pay my tuition, so financially my situation isn' as bad as it could be. Also stressful is that I worry that I've wasted the youngest and possibly greatest years of my life and not really accomplished much. So now I have this overwhleming desire to travel, make all kinds of new friends, be creative, etc. I feel like I've finally overcome enough of my insecurity and lack of drive and now I know where I want my life to go. I know I can work at it in small chunks, and that no change worth having comes quickly, but I just want to be able to feel good about my life, and not feel like i've wasted anytime and haven't missed too much already. When I think about how much time I've wasted and when i see other young people around me who are 5 years younger and seem to have more excitement and achievements in their life I get very very sad.
I feel this emptiness and fear of wasted time while I sit here in my parents basement in a quiet neighborhood, knowing that there's infinitely more possibilities out there that I'm missing out It's not all bad, I am spending more and more time doing things that make me feel full and happy, but I do have panic attacks because there is so much I want to see and do, and again, the feeling of wasted time could make me burst out crying.
Thanks for reading this, it's very kind of you.

 

[suewatters1]

Sorry you are feeling this way.
You say your 25. I will be 45 in a week and I feel like I wasted my life. I know there is more to life then what I am living now. I wish I was 25 and in your shoes then I would know changes were on the way but at 45 years old and working at the same factory 24 years. A job I now hate but it pays my bills.
I know that wasted time you are talking about I feel that. At least you are 20 years younger then me. I would trade places with you any day

 

[ladylore]

I am spending more and more time doing things that make me feel full and happy, but I do have panic attacks because there is so much I want to see and do, and again, the feeling of wasted time could make me burst out crying.

Sue is right - you are 25 HotthenCold. Most people in their 20's are figuring out who they are, what they want to do and thinking they need to be involved in everything or they are missing out. I think its great that your curious about what is out there.

You are going to school right now and in that you are doing great. What does the experience of going to school feel like?

I come from a buddhist spirituality place where doing my best to stay in the present is the key. Focusing on what is happening now - knowing that what you are doing can make your life better in the future - but not focussing on the future as it doesn't exist yet.

And remember that you are doing things now that are making you full and happy. That's great!

:2thumbs:

 

[Into The Light]

Also stressful is that I worry that I've wasted the youngest and possibly greatest years of my life and not really accomplished much.

from my personal experience life gets better as we get older, the reason being that we gain life experience and have had time to learn about ourselves. i used to think my teenage years were supposed to be the best years of my life (when i was in the midst and at the end of them); instead they were anything but. my life right now is at its best so far, and i'm into my early thirties. i am looking forward to it being even better because i know i am changing for the better. i'm a work in progress

i know you are worried you've wasted time and the best years of your life but look at how many years you still have ahead of you. you have tons and tons of time to do all those things you want to do. objectively speaking a year and a half isn't all that long when you compare it to all the time you have afterwards. i would say try to enjoy your time in school right now; it's a special time in your life as well that will one day be over (and sooner than you think!)

 

[HotthenCold]

thanks for the replies.

I come from a buddhist spirituality place where doing my best to stay in the present is the key. Focusing on what is happening now - knowing that what you are doing can make your life better in the future - but not focussing on the future as it doesn't exist yet.



:2thumbs:

this is interesting. I've been trying lately to not dwell so much on the petty crap that I let get under my skin. I know it's a waste of time, but it still have power over me. Though I also know that just letting go when I can is very empowering, and relieves a ton of stress and unecessary anxiety. Do you find that the buddhism helps you to be more free and unrestricted by negativity?

 

[ladylore]

Do you find that the buddhism helps you to be more free and unrestricted by negativity?

It helps in such a way that I don't stay in those darker places as long as I use to. I also want to let you know that it isn't your fault. It sounds like your putting alot of pressure on yourself for being in that place to begin with. Sometimes it just happens. When you do notice that it has happened you can take steps to get yourself out of that place. Or reach out for support when your there.

One simple exercise I do alot is to simply focus on my breath. Noticing the normal inhale and exhale, how the air feels going through my notrils and what it feels like on the exhale. Allowing all my focus to go to my breathing for 5 minutes at a time. If I have a though I allow it and pull my attention back to the breath. It really helps to keep me in the present.

Take care.

 

[surferdude3]

HotthenCold,

You are not wasting your life by going to school at a young age. You may have accomplishments that other people don't have that you may not be thinking about(in reference to the people 5 years younger than you). Going to school is a big accomplishment in itself, you've already done two and a half!

 

[ladylore]

This is off topic but:

Welcome to Psychlinks Surferdude3 :welcome:

 

[Halo]

Yes (offtopic as well but) welcome to Psychlinks Surferdude3 :welcome2:

Glad that you decided to join us and hope to see you around :wave:

 

[Lana]

Hi HotthenCold;
I think what you're experiencing is the very impulsivity that you yourself said causes you to take you further away from your goals (I usually call it being antsy and restless). Education is not a waste of time. On the contrary -- education is an investment in life and is one of the ways of achieving the life you say you want. One of the things that education also teaches through studying and such, is how to delay instant gratification to achieve a bigger prize -- life you want with all the perks.

You haven't "wasted the youngest and possibly greatest years" of your life at all. I doubt you've even entered them yet. What you' have done thus far, though, is you've invested in your future and that is awsome. Trust me, future is a lot longer and it can be merciless if you don't invest time build a path for yourself.

The destinations and new friends won't go anywhere. They'll be there after you're done with school, and then some. In addition, you'll have better chances of meeting better people.