Fighting the high

[Ashley-Kate]

hello,

I have realized that in my struggle with anorexia i am not really fighting a voice in my head or the need to be thin. I think i have passed that part of the eating disorder. Although it does remain present it may not be the complete reason of my need to preserve it.

We all know those who live with the e-d about the high you feel the sense of being on top of of the world yet confused cause at times you feel so depressed. I am currently fighting the high part of my life cause i live in a constant state of depression and the only high i get is when i restrict or purge so it is hard to let go of that to feel depressed. I don't know how to stay on track really.. how to fight. I know what to say to someone that is struggling and i probably know how to do it but i also know that it is hard and i am tired of the fight.

 

[Cat Dancer]

That's interesting, Ashley. I don't really get the high part of the disorder anymore. It's all just misery to me at this point, but I feel stuck and unable to do much. It is very depressing.

Are you still in therapy and if so, how is that going?

 

[Into The Light]

ashley, can you find something else that will give you that high, something more healthy? i get the impression that this high comes from having very tight control. what else in your life could you control that wouldn't affect your health negatively? what about gaining control of being healthy? having control over your health by doing all those moderate things that you need? if you know what needs to be done in any given day for you to be living in a healthy manner, you could start tracking it. for example, a regular breakfast, a regular lunch, a regular dinner, and snacks in between - you know what is normal. why not give yourself control over that stuff and feel good about that? if you track it like you used to track calories maybe you could get a "high" from knowing you did something important for yourself on a given day.

i'm not sure if i am explaining this very well so i hope you understand what i am trying to say.