For rainy days

[Into The Light]

Depression Poems: Hope you feel better
by Dr. Suzanne LaCombe
June 20, 2007

'Hope You Feel Better' Poems for Rainy Days

Many folks who have recovered from depression really relate to the sentiments expressed in this Tibetan poem.

But notice how it can also stand as a metaphor for one's journey in counseling. You see, as we gain greater consciousness in therapy we learn to spot those holes a mile away....

Autobiography in Five Chapters
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I fall in.
I am lost... I am hopeless.
It isn't my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I'm in the same place.
But it isn't my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in... it's a habit
My eyes are open
I know where I am
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

I walk down another street.

~ 'Autobiography in Five Chapters' is taken from the Tibetan Book of Living and Dying.​

My Personal Musings
This poem most often reminds me of my own recovery from depression. The holes symbolize the hopelessness and despair I used to feel when I was in the darkest part of my depression.

It describes so well how depression felt back then. It felt like I would never get out of feeling this way. So when I read about being in a hole and not being able to see a way out of it, the words resonate with me.

I now understand why this would be so.

I have learned that when we are in a specific state (i.e. depressed, energized, even feeling sick), it is very difficult to experience a different state. In fact, if we project our thoughts into a future event, we typically take our current state into that image. Then naturally enough, we feel discouraged. Our current state colours that future event.

But what I wanted to share with you is what happened when I started to recover. Even when I was making good progress, I would still fall into a hole.

Yes, that's right. It felt like Day One... like the deepest hole I had ever been in!

Even in my recovery, I fell into "holes".

What I didn't fully see at the time was that while the hole went just as deep, I didn't get stuck there as long. And remarkably, the holes were getting farther and farther apart.

Unless, you understand this, you are in danger of assuming that you are getting worse when in fact, you are experiencing a normal recovery!

Thankfully, there came a time when those deep holes were a thing of the past. And while I recognize that life events can conspire to put one in front of me, I know that if I fall in, there's a very good chance, based on the joy in my present life, that I won't stay long.

I wish you well on your journey.

 

[Fiver]

What I didn't fully see at the time was that while the hole went just as deep, I didn't get stuck there as long. And remarkably, the holes were getting farther and farther apart.

Yup, and there are probably several reasons for this. First of all, after being trapped in the Dark Hole for a while, we hopefully gather tools and learn the techniques for painfully climbing out. The hard part isn't really climbing out, not for me; the hard part is always gathering the tools and trying to remember the steps required to see daylight. After falling in that pit a few times I think I'm beginning to understand the instruction manual for getting out, but I'm still clumsy with the tools. Like anything, it takes practice.

The other thing that makes me wonder is the distance of the holes that are farther down the road. Are they really farther apart? That's not how I see it. I think there remains a constant amount of holes along every path for every person to potentially take a dive. The difference, perhaps, is that by falling into the hell of the Dark Hole and living to climb out and tell about it, we'll hopefully choose to remember that they will always there. This time we know to keep our eyes open for them. It's the same as being aware of triggers for flashbacks or relapse of any kind. We learn to watch for signs and symptoms, and in my mind I'm seeing it as a bunch of orange traffic cones indicating my need for caution and increased awareness of the possible danger.

Then again, I live in the Detroit area, so I see traffic cones and road hazards no matter what road I'm traveling on these days. Okay, okay, it's a dumb analogy again. But come on, I live in Michigan. Our largest tourist attractions are summer road repairs.