Friendship

[boi]

I have been struggling with this ongoing battle about a friendship I have. I seem to get really disappointed with people, especially friends. I dont usually open up properly to people and I made a conscience decision to open up to a specific friend of mine so it wouldnt be a superficial relationship. I told her about me in therapy and some other stuff that I usually would not do. Anyway, I dont feel the friendship is reciprocal. She always cancels our plans and does not seem to make an effort to hang out. I now cant help but feel resentment and I am kicking myself for actually telling her stuff about me. I feel shafted really. I am trying to change my way of thinking (what I learnt in therapy) and think positively about myself etc but it doesnt take away from the reality of the situation. I definetly feel differently now and I do not trust her. I dont really want to hang out anymore either. I have turned sour. I just dont know how to handle this now. Do I not hang out and slowly cut ties because she is an unreliable "friend"? I have started to view this friendship differently but I cant get rid of the bitterness that comes. I also think we dont have many things in common anymore and I think she would still ask me about therapy and stuff that I dont want to talk to her about anymore. I dont want to get into the conversation of all this with her because I do not think it will change anything. She knows it ****************es me off when she cancels and still does it (we have talked about that).

 

[solitary man]

I've been in the same boat as you, and what I'm slowing learning is that most of the time, it has nothing to do with us why people act the way they do.

I know it's easier said then done, when people tell you not to take it personally, but when you start believing it, you really do let go of the things you have no control of.

Granted, I'm slowly learning how to apply this way of thinking in my life, and it's not easy after almost 40 years of being told and believing that everything is my fault.

It's easy to think that this person has validated your reason why you don't confide in others, but as long as you've spoken your truth, no one can hold it against you.

Remember the good times, thank her for her friendship and move onto someone who'll respect and appreciate you.

If she hates you for it, that's her problem.

 

[boi]

It's easy to think that this person has validated your reason why you don't confide in others, but as long as you've spoken your truth, no one can hold it against you.

Thanks Solitary man, this rings true to me. I have to look at it that way, that noone can hold it against me as it is the truth. I guess I get worried about exposing myself like that.

 

[solitary man]

I have admit that I do have concerns about revealing too much of myself as well.

I know in my case, it's because I fear people realizing that I'm not perfect, which logically, I know is impossible.

When I hear about other people's lives, I feel that they have all the secrets of life figured out, by some manual that they all got except me.

What I'm now slowly learning is that we all wear a mask to some degree, and it's only when we reveal our true selves is when we really make a connection with not only someone else, but also ourselves.

 

[boi]

I have admit that I do have concerns about revealing too much of myself as well.

I know in my case, it's because I fear people realizing that I'm not perfect, which logically, I know is impossible.

When I hear about other people's lives, I feel that they have all the secrets of life figured out, by some manual that they all got except me.

I never was able to figure out why I have concerns about revealing too much of myself. I always thought it was because I just couldn't stop talking. (thats not very deep) but maybe it is a fear that I will look stupid and melodramatic when everyone else has it together. But then I think, maybe I am the one who does have it together because I am willing to look at myself and others aren't.

 

[white page]

Hi boi,
solitary man, says this so well, we are not responsible for the behaviour of others , at times due to our role models , we are attracted to persons who repeat unsatisfactory behaviour dynamics , as you progress you will move away from this .and towards more respectful relationships.
good luck
white page

It's easy to think that this person has validated your reason why you don't confide in others, but as long as you've spoken your truth, no one can hold it against you.

Remember the good times, thank her for her friendship and move onto someone who'll respect and appreciate you.

If she hates you for it, that's her problem.

 

[Elizabeth]

Hi Boi

I understand where you are coming from totally. I only ever told Mark I was depressed but never my parents (stupid eh, seeming they are the people I should trust the most) I never told any of my friends I never wanted too....

Only handful of my on-line friends know and they help aswell as Mark but its hard for him as he lost his aunt to suicide, I hate to tell him when I get those thoughts, you know..

Good luck in your future friendships