Further confused.

[Incubus9083]

I have this friend, but we dont talk too often. However when we are together, and the shyness goes away, we laugh with eachother and have a good time. One night, we were out swimming, and he wanted to fool around with me. I refused, and he asked me if he wasnt cute enough. If I didnt find him attractive. I told him I found him attractive, but just wasnt in the mood. The other night, we were hanging out, and he wanted to kiss me. So we kissed......ok, we made out. And the rest of the time after, he was flirting with me. He is Bi. But the problem is, how do I know he is REALLY interested in me? How do I talk to him about it? I really like him, but I am afraid that if I tell him how I feel about him he will not want to associate with me anymore. Or he will not feel comfortable around me. I dont know what to do. If someone could offer any advice, I would appreciate it. And if you need more info that I havent specified, please ask, and ask questions if you'd like. Anything to help me out. Hopefully I can get help.

 

[Diana]

How is it that you really feel? Do you like him a lot and want to start a serious relationship with him? Are you not sure what you want, but willing to try things out? Maybe because he is bisexual, you're afraid that you won't be enough for him and he won't be faithful in a relationship because he will turn to someone of the other sex? I don't really know what you want out of a relationship with him. If you're looking for a faithful relationship, then you should probably tell him how you feel. You don't even have to mention anything about the fact that he's bi. Just ask him if he can see you together in a commited relationship. If that scares him away, then I'm sure it's not worth it. If you end up in a good relationship, then you can talk about his sexual orientation later on when you're more comfortable with each other. It's often scary to ask certain questions when you're getting to know someone, but it's good to have an idea of what you're getting into rather than to be disappointed or hurt later on.

 

[Eunoia]

Why would he not want to associate with you anymore if he really knows how you feel? It is a good idea to figure out 1st how you feel about him and the situation, like Diana has suggested. He seems interested in you, enough to at least want to hear what you have to say, right? So far, you like him and he likes you. That's good! ) If he just wants to make out and not really be in a relationship and that's why you don't want to tell him how you feel, then you have to ask yourself what it is that you're looking for. If you guys laugh together, have a good time, and are attracted to each other then that sounds like a good start... sometimes, you just have to let things happen and see where they take you, instead of trying to figure out every detail. But if you are worried b/c he's bi or out of a different reason then maybe you could casually mention the topic... if those things are important to you and you want some kind of answer, then it is better to find out now than later, when more emotions and time will have been invested...

 

[Incubus9083]

Thank you both for replying and helping me. Answering Dianas questions.....I really like him alot. I would like to start a serious relationship with him. I'm kinda worried about the fact that I have alot more competition with him being Bi. I am looking for a faithful relationship with him. I will have to work up the courage to tell him how I really feel about him. Now to answer Eunoia.....I think that after learning that I like him alot, and IF he doesnt like me the way I like him, then he may back off in showing me that he doesnt want me like that. I really like him. Aside from all the other negative things in my life, being confused about this has made me really sad tonight. I cry, and first thought I think that I cant take it anymore. But I dont want to hurt myself, I think of it this way...I would like to stick around and see what the world is gonna do. And I know that isnt the answer, cause if I like this guy sooo much, why would I go do a thing like that? Overall, this guy is really great. Others may not like him, but I do. He is perfect. His smile could melt the coldest heart. His touch is so comforting. Looking into his eyes, is so calming and I wish I could be with him everyday. I want him to love me the way I love him. I want him to be with me. I would do anything to make it happen. I would give him everything that he'd want. He's a great guy. Thank you for helping me out on this. I really appreciate your feedback, and would like to get more. It would be really helpful. Please let me know what yall think I should do. How I should go about telling him how I feel about him. Thank you for your time.

 

[ThatLady]

I think the best way to go about telling someone how you feel about them is to simply tell them the truth. Do it at a time when you're alone together and there's nothing pressing to do.

It sounds to me like you really care for this fellow. The fact that he's bisexual gives me some doubt, however, that he's ready for a serious, faithful relationship. Admittedly, I'm straight, so I don't know a whole lot about how these things work. Yet, those bisexual people I've known have not been known for faithful relationships. Their need to experience both sides of the "equation" make that rather difficult. It's certainly something you'll want to discuss thoroughly. If one of you is looking for something permanent while the other is interested in a more loosely structured relationship, trouble is inevitable, hon.

 

[Eunoia]

I think his bisexuality is a topic you should think about bringing up if it worries you or brings about doubts, but in no way do I personally believe that just by being bisexual, he will be a less committed person if that's what he's truly looking for. People seem to worry that if someone is bisexual that they have 'twice' the selection, but when it comes down to it, they're still looking for certain traits & characteristics in people, they just don't mind if those come in their own or opposite sex. Also, a lot of bisexual people tend to prefer one sex more than the other so that's something else to think about.

If you want a shot at a serious, committed relationship, be honest with him. If you come to trust him and he trusts you and you both want the same thing out of a relationship, I don't think it will matter as much anymore that he is bisexual. if he were to back off after he finds out how much you like him, then he's not the right guy at this moment, b/c it sounds to me like you are looking for a committed relationship.

I'm glad you decided not to hurt yourself over this... it's not worth it to take the emotional pain out on yourself physically. It won't make him like you any more and it won't lessen your pain about this. Be careful w/ wanting to do 'anything' to make him like you; I understand what you're going through but you can't force love. And to me it sounds like things are going fine so far, so give it a chance and see where things go. Be honest with him, spend more time with him in different contexts and environments to see how compatible you are, keep the communication going, try to find out more about each other... all of that will make the picture more clear to you and show him you care.

 

[Incubus9083]

Thank you all for your advice.