Getting past anger

[geek]

i used to work for a firm where the work environment was not conducive
and was fraught with cheap politics.i was set up by my "friend" and my employers and was brutally forced out.I can't get over the traumatic experience because this was my first job and i had really worked hard to get selected .
kindly advise

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Can you provide a bit more detail, geek? For example, how long ago did this occur? what about the work environment was difficult? how were you "set up" and "brutally forced out"? who was this "friend"?

 

[geek]

anger management

i used to work for an MNC where the atmosphere was rife with petty politics.i was brutally forced out by the management .The charges levelled against me were petty .For instance,the business manager told me that he doesn't like my voice.He doesn't like my appearance .Iam not supposed to wear sweaters.Is that really any of his business ?what i do at the weekend is none anybody's business.That i was a loner,it is a barefaced lie.My colleagues never used to answer any of the technical questions posed by him.They were selected ,i was not. i was not given a chance to persent my case.They wanted to give me a raw deal inspite of me doing really well.
how do i overcome the bottled -up anger and resentment?Is there no way out?

 

[geek]

reply

It has been 1 year that I quit.I still have difficulty in managing anger and resentment.I was not given a chance to present my case.every meeting had a different agenda.This was my first job and I was only 22 years old .

Packaging(my friend's department) was about to lose its license and "my friend's " job was under threat.Mine was not! :
All throughout June ,July and August 2003 she kept telling me that whatever I was doing is worthless and my work experience is not going to be relevant.She wants to pursue higher studies and apply elsewhere.She told me that operators have something called job profile and we trainees have none. That trainees are not being rotated and that we must voice our concerns.
Performance review presentation:
On Sept18,2003 she instigated me to rake the afore- mentioned issues(job profile and job rotation) .She also told me that my presentation is brilliant and that things are going to be just fine.

During my presentation, I complained against this operator who was intractable.The business manager blamed it on me saying that my people skills are bad and that I don't believe in "dignity of labour".The point is Iam innocent .I have always been polite and my relationship was cordial with everybody.

I had to travel 60kms a day to get to this place.My doctors told me that chances of me ending up with a slipped-disk are highly likely if I continue in the same post(my job was physically demanding).

The managing director apparently reprimanded the business manager and my boss for being negligent .This was an affront to the business manager and my boss's honour.

The following day the business manager asked me whether I wanted to shift to some other department.I said marketing because I could use my brains rather than brawns there.Meanwhile ,my boss blasted me for exposing him (his inefficiency in handling the operator) .He said" what goes around will always come around" and that if he complains against me the management would believe him even if the charges are untrue.

The next day,I was told to put in my papers saying that nobody wants to work with me ,that I don't smile ,I don't talk and that my attitude is bad(for saying that I like marketing) .The general manager asked me "what do you think you are to use my employees?" He said he only wants healthy people.That I should have been in politics.What sort of queries(job profile) was I posing?

"My friend" supported them in vilifying me saying that my attitude is bad and that I shouldn't have raked issues such as job profile and job rotation.

The management told me that my knowledge about paint chemistry is questionable, despite the fact that I've always answered the technical questions that were posed ."My friend " never used to answer .However, the business manager was complacent about her not answering.He told me that he doesn't like my voice and my appearance .That I don't acknowlegde his presence .I've always wished him.He told me to interact with all the employees when I was working! He again tells me that I was not told to hobnob rather I should have been giving them suggestions on how to improve things in their work area.He used to find fault with me for no reason.This went on for 3 more months.


My boss never used to interact with me.Every thing was confidential.He didn’t teach me paint chemistry inspite of me asking him.Every initiative of mine was shot down.How can anybody excel? He used to withhold crucial information about products and would blame it on me whenever there was a problem (product quality ...) His behaviour towards me went from bad to worse . I told him to have a look at the formulation before the batch was taken .He chose not to and when the shade turned out to be a bit darker, he flung the panels at me .This was my first formulation and there was nobody to help me despite the fact that I was a trainee.

The business manager and the HR manager blamed it on me saying that my performance was bad."My friend" was selected but I wasn't .When I asked the business manager he said my review would happen in April 2004 and that I must wait.I quit in Jan2004 because I wanted my life and career to be safely returned to me.

"Mustn't cast my pearls before swine"

The contract says that these people should have given us our objectives before Jan 2004.Did HR bother?Breach of contract is a serious offence.How ethical is the mangement?

"My friend "tells me that the management is good and I wasn't selected because I was feckless!I had helped the same ingrate in clearing her engineering final exam and had protected her by not telling the management that it was her who had instigated me.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Geek, it appears you fell victim to a conniving "friend" and the politics of bureaucracy. This has probably happened to most of us at one time or another (including me many years ago) -- it's probably how many of us learn not to be too trusting -- it's also probably how most of us learn that office politics exist to promote people who are good "players", not necesssarily good workers, and to above all maintain the bureaucratic pecking order while protecting the supervisors and managers.

Your mistake was to be young, trusting, and a bit naive -- that was also my mistake.

I do understand your anger and your dismay. I suppose you might be able to put together a case for wrongful dismissal but you would have to be prepared for months or years of stress trying to gather everything together, with no guarantee of success at the end, and in the process you would clearly label yourself to future employers as "a troublemaker".

I would suggest you try to do what I did: Move on and resolve to prove to yourself and to anyone else that you are better than those you've left behind. There will be other jobs -- and you have probably learned a valuable lesson: Don't put too much trust in people who are competing for your success or power, don't expose your supervisors to public embarrassment if you can avoid it (i.e., if there is any way to make your point or to make changes in private, one-to-one, do it that way and not in an open or public meeting), and don't expect those who are in positions of power to protect you if things go awry (they will be too busy protecting themselves and their friends).

 

[Brilliant and Loving Life]

Resolve not to live in the past.

I've had countless experiences of political betrayal myself. My mind always went over 'where did I go wrong' etc etc.
Sometimes you didn't make a mistake, someone else just made a play and you got hit by it. Some otherwise nice people are cold and cutthroat, in competitive environments like work where they may be blinded by the all important 'green' and their ego is at stake. Being technically proficient may be threatening to people who are just faking their way through a career. Consider that if you appear too competant you may be putting someone else in a bad light.
Try to be a promoter of others 'good points' and cruise over the bad points, if you're helping them they'd be shooting themself in the foot to get rid of you and if they progress they may even feel indebted to take you along for the ride. All the same if someone is truly incompetant be extremely discreet about informing others.
It's all about becoming a good judge of character, it's not an easy thing.

I think it'd be better to focus on where you are at now and start something new. "The best revenge is living well."
Forget those people and their games and where your friend is concerned ask yourself why you were friends and if the pros are more than the cons work on rebuilding trust if not; give her a serve of how bad she treated you.