Grandparents and Grandkids

[unicorn]

Just yesterday pop shattered his grandson's heart.

Pop has taught music(bagpipes) for the last 40 or so years. So when one of the grandsons was being continuously bullied at school grade 8 age 14, his parents decided to home school.

To meet the education boards requirement the child has to learn music of any kind for a year, so pop was asked, he accepted, and it was explained to him that this was for education purposes only the child did not have an undying wish to learn the bagpipes!

Yesterday was the child's fourth lesson, the child had been enjoying the lessons saying pop was a good teacher and he had learn't the basics of reading music,he had practised and had admitted he was not very good, but had also stated that he loved spending time with poppy and bonding.

Within 5 mins of the lesson the pop had walked away and the child was left devastated and uncontrollably crying at the table. He had been told 'your not worth my time or effort, give it up, do something else'.

The child's father was informed, he knocked off work early and rushed back to confront pop and see if pop felt he needed to apologise for anything.

Pop could'nt/would'nt see that he did anything wrong and when told that the grandson valued the time spent with him and asked if he had valued the time spent with his grandson there was no reply.

He eventually agreed to apologise it went like this"Hope to see you play the drums one day!"

What do you all think of this?

 

[David Baxter PhD]

It's hard to know what to think. Obviously, this was a most unfortunate thing for the young man to experience, and I'm relieved to hear that his father rallied to support him. I have no idea what "Pop's" motivation or state of mind was; you'd need to ask him.

Are you the boy's mother, unicorn?

 

[unicorn]

Thanks for that. No I am not I'm his Aunty. He has been having his lessons in my home with his pop while his parents work. This occurred whilst I had just gone out to get lunch, I was gone 15mins max, came back saw my nephew sobbing and alone.

I went out to him and said "what did he say?" meaning my dad. He told me the stuff I wrote in the first post. I said how sorry I was that he had had to hear that, and that my father was renound for saying really stupid things about every 6 months or so, I also told him that he should'nt dare go home thinking this was his fault, as my father has managed to ostrosize nearly every member of our family.

I then came inside rang my brother who was furious I got my nephew to speak to him and to his mum who was also on the phone.

My brother came back early and had over an hour talk with my dad, who just did'nt care, I knew he would not apoligise as he never has, he said that kids needed to learn hard lessons and that he was just being truthful. My brother tried to make him see through illustrations etc that this was not just any student but his grandson who wanted a relationship with him.

And the end result the grandson will never attempt a relationship with pop again and pop has yet again managed to somehow even further damage his relationship with his own son and me, but I was already resolved in how I felt, my brother just feels numb, and now my nephew after being bullied at school for years has to have his self esteem built up yet again.

 

[white page]

Hi Unicorn,

I am so very sorry this happened to your nephew, you did very well in calling your brother, and in respecting the distress of your nephew.

Is your nephew particularly shy? Is that why he is bullied? Maybe an extra curricular theatre group would help him with his self confidence.

Pop sounds rather crabby, maybe keeping a healthy distance away from him for a while may be a good idea. Is this possible ?

 

[unicorn]

Thanks for that. My nephew is what I would call awkward, not shy. He just does'nt seem to fit in easily, he's much happier now though. Yes it is possible to limit the time spent with pop, he lives 45mins away from us and the nephew and never comes to visit unless there's something in it for him.

Unfortunatley I can't blame pop's behaviour on old age as this example is one of many throughout all his years as a dad and a pop.