Grieving and adapting to physical life changes

[Kanadiana]

Hi.

Chronic health issues, mental and physical, especially the progressive deteriorating ones, losses from those things is another kind of grief to think about. For me my biggest is the forced changes and losses of not being able to do what I used to be able to do ... independence slips away more and more as disability sets in more and more. It's a tough pill to swallow some days ... it changes everything that was. Hard to adapt some days.

That's my biggest problem these days, learning to recognize the new limits, accept them as my reality check, and adapt. Grieving is always happening, like ups and downs, ebbs and flows. As is acceptance and adapting, which ebbs and flows too. Some days are great. Some suck the big one.

I get a lot out of visiting a couple of forums regards chronic and progressive deteriorating diseases, and they're great. Reading the posts and replies helps me gain perspective when I'm really losing it and feeling pathetic sorry for myself I also learn a whole bunch about my processes and things I can do to help manage symptoms and all better. Being stoic is sometimes a must because really, it is what it is and will be what it will be, and the best answer for me is one day at a time. It inspires and strengthens me when connecting with others walking similar walks, and the ups and downs that go with it, and just the practical information that actually helps to improve managing and functioning. Good stuff and thank god for the internet and the ability for us all to connect and network, supporting, and encouraging/helping each other ... it works!

 

[Cat Dancer]

I think that definitely is a type of grief.

Good stuff and thank god for the internet and the ability for us all to connect and network, supporting, and encouraging/helping each other ... it works!

This is so very true. I'm glad you're here, sharing these thoughts and I think this is an inspiring post.

I like this part:

Being stoic is sometimes a must because really, it is what it is and will be what it will be, and the best answer for me is one day at a time.

One day at a time.

 

[Kanadiana]

Thanks Janet.

Adapting to major life and lifestyle changes when you aren't ready to is a real bummer sometimes ... gnawing and gnashing of teeth only makes it worse and hurts your teeth, but hey, that's part of the process too, right? One of the grief phases along the process.

First you gnaw and gnash, then you learn to carry on with what you've got to work with, here and there, as you go. Yes, accepting unwanted realities is a real test ... connecting with others is a source of inspiration and a progressive strengthening along the way that helps me to pass the tests more often than not by getting real and getting on with it. And there is a LOT of humour along the way when sharing with others walking the walk.

One day at a time

 

[Cat Dancer]

Adapting to major life and lifestyle changes when you aren't ready to is a real bummer sometimes ... gnawing and gnashing of teeth only makes it worse and hurts your teeth, but hey, that's part of the process too, right? One of the grief phases along the process.

I believe this is true.

And there is a LOT of humour along the way when sharing with others walking the walk.

Having humor is very important.

I know you're going through a lot and have gone through a lot, but your posts are always upbeat and it's obvious you have a good sense of humor.

I'm glad you shared this.

 

[Holly]

Hi.

Chronic health issues, mental and physical, especially the progressive deteriorating ones, losses from those things is another kind of grief to think about. For me my biggest is the forced changes and losses of not being able to do what I used to be able to do ... independence slips away more and more as disability sets in more and more. It's a tough pill to swallow some days ... it changes everything that was. Hard to adapt some days.

That's my biggest problem these days, learning to recognize the new limits, accept them as my reality check, and adapt. Grieving is always happening, like ups and downs, ebbs and flows. As is acceptance and adapting, which ebbs and flows too. Some days are great. Some suck the big one.

I get a lot out of visiting a couple of forums regards chronic and progressive deteriorating diseases, and they're great. Reading the posts and replies helps me gain perspective when I'm really losing it and feeling pathetic sorry for myself I also learn a whole bunch about my processes and things I can do to help manage symptoms and all better. Being stoic is sometimes a must because really, it is what it is and will be what it will be, and the best answer for me is one day at a time. It inspires and strengthens me when connecting with others walking similar walks, and the ups and downs that go with it, and just the practical information that actually helps to improve managing and functioning. Good stuff and thank god for the internet and the ability for us all to connect and network, supporting, and encouraging/helping each other ... it works!

Hi Kanadiana,
I wanted to say I admire your courage and honesty. Thank you for posting your experience about chronic health issues, I found it very interesting.
With your perspective I am sure you will be encouraging, helpful to many at the forums. Take care

 

[Kanadiana]

Yes and thanks, progressively losing physical function and mobility, abilities is so hard to adapt to sometimes, and the chronic pain and fluctuating levels of disability, and what it all does to lifestyle and independence, and ability to earn, ... well ... when we have it all working, we take it for granted, and when it all starts to go ... wow.

My basic nature, in spite of all I've been through and experienced from birth onward, and when not overwhelmed by struggle, is humorous and spirited. I love to laugh. And I do quite often. Amazing

 

[foghlaim]

hi Kanadiana, just reading your post above and it really puts a lot of things into perspective for me. I found reading it inspiring and encouraging that we can despite what obstacles come our way, with abit of hard work, friends, support and humour we can get thru whatever it is.

thank you so much for posting your experiences here.
i think maybe one of your strengths is your humour.. it's brilliant!!!

nsa

 

[^^Phoenix^^]

Adapting to major life and lifestyle changes when you aren't ready to is a real bummer sometimes ... gnawing and gnashing of teeth only makes it worse and hurts your teeth, but hey, that's part of the process too, right? One of the grief phases along the process.

Kanadiana,
Change on any level upsets me. I don't like the unexpected. So to be going through the changes you are experiancing would drive me through the wall!! I think alot of people are like me, for instance, my fear of growing older is my fear that my life is changing (which it does - stupid fear huh? :red. I would aggree with you that you can feel grief for your old life, and what you used to do, and I would say that perhaps a way to deal with the grief is to look at possitive things from your new life that you didn't have before. However, I don't know the progressive deteriorating illness that your suffering from and so don't want to be a 'smart-alec'
doh, I am being a really ranter today, and probably not making any sense what so ever. Just know that your post made sense to me, and I'm sending you some mental hugs!!
(and because we are on a psychological forum, I'll clarify and say that I mean telepathic hugs, not 'crazy' ones!! )

 

[Halo]

Kanadiana,

I just wanted to say that your post was very courageous and I think what you said about having the internet to support each other is soooo true.

Thank you for sharing and take care

 

[Kanadiana]

hi Kanadiana, just reading your post above and it really puts a lot of things into perspective for me. I found reading it inspiring and encouraging that we can despite what obstacles come our way, with abit of hard work, friends, support and humour we can get thru whatever it is.

thank you so much for posting your experiences here.
i think maybe one of your strengths is your humour.. it's brilliant!!!

nsa

Thanks a lot NSA ... it's great to be told how my posts effect people, because I don't always know and sometimes wonder

It's only through hearing and reading others peoples stories and thoughts that taught me to be able to open up and speak about my own experiences and thoughts, through the years. I've gained tons of insights and even practical approaches to dealing with myself and life events, through other people simply through reflecting on their thoughts etc. When everything is happening in my own head, I lose perspective and view things from my own little narrow mindspaces and sometimes get lost and stuck there ... and to hear or read someone elses stuff, is so often like a light coming on, and new doors opening, that I didn't realize I had open to me before I just read those words by so-and-so etc. There's also a lot of , "WOW, me too. You nailed that one right on the head for me!"

Its like hearing others gives me insights and knowledge about who I am that I wasn't aware of before ... including strengths and abilities. It's through others I know myself, so often. Great reality checks Not always pleasant to learn about some stuff, but definately always empowering

I think we all just inadvertantly draw each other out, and out from under, and that's the beauty of communicating with each other. We help each other to carry on and grow.

Thank god for the internet that lets us do this at home any time we want to and can get at the computer too!

I don't know that my humour is brilliant, but I do know that it comes and goes at the most surprizing and incredible times sometimes LOL ... and god how I miss that spirit when I lose touch with it sometimes, when overwhelmed by "stuff"

K.

 

[Kanadiana]

Kanadiana,
Change on any level upsets me. I don't like the unexpected. So to be going through the changes you are experiancing would drive me through the wall!! I think alot of people are like me, for instance, my fear of growing older is my fear that my life is changing (which it does - stupid fear huh? :red. I would aggree with you that you can feel grief for your old life, and what you used to do, and I would say that perhaps a way to deal with the grief is to look at possitive things from your new life that you didn't have before. However, I don't know the progressive deteriorating illness that your suffering from and so don't want to be a 'smart-alec'
doh, I am being a really ranter today, and probably not making any sense what so ever. Just know that your post made sense to me, and I'm sending you some mental hugs!!
(and because we are on a psychological forum, I'll clarify and say that I mean telepathic hugs, not 'crazy' ones!! )

Hi Phoenix,

Crazy hugs are good too And I don't read your words as being smart-alecky at all.

Change sucks when you don't want them ... especially the ones that are bummers. That's my experience anyways.

For my own changes I'm most having a hard time adapting to, it's the creeping progressive physical disabilities that don't allow me to do the things I still want to do, and need to do. The simple stuff. Like walking across a room, walking to a store. Making a meal. Getting in and out of the bath. Mobility. Using my hands to be creative. All sorts of stuff. I fear losing physical independence completely, eventually (not a totally unrealistic fear as arthritis damage progresses if it can't be stopped and it's already done lotsa damage and is doing more, permanant)

I find myself visiting forums and talking more with people in the same sorts of boats where chronic health stuff is progressively limiting lifestyle and abilities and adapting is harder some days than others. people with arthritis, MS, whatever. Elderly people ... and I absolutely adore talking to elderly people who are "always adapting to physical changes and new limitations and big lifestyle changes and losses" and the knowledge and stories they have to share are just so wonderful. Just talking to them is an inspiration to me, and a joy.

I say, if you're scared of change and getting old and all that comes with it, start talking to older and elderly people because they are living it and coping ... they are stoic, they are doing it, and they have humour and a certain grace of "going with the flow of something they have to, like it or lump it" ... and they've learned a lot through experience and are the best teachers for me these days

I think life and health, aging, has inflicted so many changes on me by now (at age 52) and especially so the last few years, that I'm finally learning how to stop gnawing and gnashing my teeth sooner and adapting to changes a little more gracefully. I owe much gratitude to the older generation helping me along the way right now, simply by communicating with them.

Currently, I'm struggling, but am not overwhelmed, now I'm on my own again and able to start building a life that works for and with me. I'm in a strong place right at the moment ... but wasn't a little while ago and just wanted to be gone and done with it, no energy to try.

We all, sometimes, need a lot of outside influence and help to be able to be in a position to even be able to make changes that will allow us to start taking care of oursleves ... first we need the resources and ways to remove ourselves from places (and relationships) that won't let us move forward. Thats what I've learned through being trapped by situations and circumstances.

Money and means ... is so often the obstacle to getting out and into better situations, so headspace while trapped in the situations, is all important. Thank god for other people along the way, and their help and support, and the meds that help ...

Boy ... I really am freeflowing all over the place. Making up for lost time as I wasn't communicating for a long time, kind of absorbed with dealing with flares and getting through days physically.

One day at a time.

K.

 

[Kanadiana]

PS: I should mention that part of the problem is that I live alone and face an uncertain future regards being able to live on my own if this can't be controlled and disabilities progress ... for now I'm still pretty independent. Guess I go through a lot of "negative anticipatory anxiety" (a term I learned through my agoraphobia and panic disorder days )

By the way ... I just had to go to the neighbor to get her to open a jar for me. I can't do things like that anymore. I usually get the people at the check out counters to open jars for me before I leave the stores. I've had this limit for years now. It won't get better. ) (grief: I miss being able to do things like that and still want to do them)

 

[Halo]

Kanadiana

After reading your posts it sounds to me that you are bummed out that you have these limitations but that you are handling them well. You seem to me to be accepting them the best you can and working with what you have. I also agree that elderly people are the greatest teachers because as I know first hand when my grandmother lived with me she was an inspiration and my motivation at times. She was so full of life but yet knew in her heart that there were things that she could not longer do. I learned so much from her when she was with me. I will forever have those teachings with me.

Anyway, I just wanted to say that you are very courageous and inspiring. Thank you

 

[Kanadiana]

Thanks Nancy ... it's great to hear that you had that time and experience with your Grandmother. It's the "can no longer do but still have so much life and the desires, urges, and impulses to ..." that's so hard to come to terms with. So many bumps in the road of life hey? Damn those speed bumps anyways they sure get in my way

One day at a time, and one bump at a time if ya can, makes it easier. I think that's a good rule for trying to navigate and do a life full of many bumps along the way ... wish I'd learned it when I was much younger though. Maybe the younger people in here can learn some of that through learning about our experiences? Isn't that why we're all here? Because we're having bumpy rides and are trying to learn what will help and how to handle the rides? I think so.

Anyways, enough from me for this post. Take care ...

K.

 

[foghlaim]

Boy ... I really am freeflowing all over the place. Making up for lost time as I wasn't communicating for a long time, kind of absorbed with dealing with flares and getting through days physically.

I love the way you have phrased that, freeflowing all over the place. your posts are so absorbing to read and educational as well , at least for me. But i will say that i'm sorry you are \have to go thru all that you do. I hope someting can be found to stop the progression. Maybe david can find an article on it and post it for you.

Maybe the younger people in here can learn some of that through learning about our experiences? Isn't that why we're all here? Because we're having bumpy rides and are trying to learn what will help and how to handle the rides? I think so.

you never said a truer word.. and while i'm not so young, i am learning from you and others on here how to cope with the bumbs.

thank you.

nsa

 

[Kanadiana]

I love the way you have phrased that, freeflowing all over the place. your posts are so absorbing to read and educational as well , at least for me. But i will say that i'm sorry you are \have to go thru all that you do. I hope someting can be found to stop the progression. Maybe david can find an article on it and post it for you.

Maybe the younger people in here can learn some of that through learning about our experiences? Isn't that why we're all here? Because we're having bumpy rides and are trying to learn what will help and how to handle the rides? I think so.

you never said a truer word.. and while i'm not so young, i am learning from you and others on here how to cope with the bumbs.

thank you.

nsa

Hi NSA,

One thing about life I've learned is that there are BUMPS where i don't want them! ARGH! Yes ...

I'm really glad to hear that peoples posts in here are helping you handle some of the bumps. We all need some of that kind of help sometimes along the way, hey?

It's really nice to hear you get some positives out of my "freeflowing all over the place" ... it works like that for me a lot too to read other peoples posts and hear their experiences and thoughts. I'm learning all the time too and just reading some things have made a big difference for me sometimes

I hope the rheumatologist can come up wih a good plan that will actually slow/stop this progression and help with the inflammation and pains that works for me too ... I see him again this coming Thursday and am looking forward to it. I want his expertise and advice on medications and how they need o be monitored too, so I can monitor my docs monitoring me LOL (seriously)

I think I'm experiencing a lot of fatigue and deepening depression from the prednisone and I don't like it ... I've been feeling this since my regular doc tapered the dosage to every other day, then every 3rd day, but the same 50mg dose. My bloodpressure had shot up to 170/101 and my feet pontooned up, which is why he changed the days. I could have walked on water LOL Medications ... argh. The good and the bad of them hey?

Hope your day is a good one

K.

 

[ThatLady]

Heh. I was just thinking that if the "bumps" were exactly where we expected them to be, they wouldn't be "bumps" at all. We'd have planned for them, and know exactly what we were going to do, and they would smooth out. While that would certainly be a heck of a lot more comfortable, it wouldn't be near as good a learning tool as is encountering boulders where there "should" be no boulders.

 

[Kanadiana]

Hi TL ... well, I certainly am slow to respond to posts EEK ... sorry bout that

Yep, those old boulders sure are good old teachers ... and what's that old saying about what doesn't kill ya leaves ya stronger? I must be verra verra strong by now, say what?



K.