Grieving to Death

[pocono]

I've posted elsewhere on here that my therapist of 11 years died last Aug. 12, 2015. I've transitioned to another therapist. Things with her, as it turns out, are not working out.

She knew my old therapist well. She has, therefore, become for me kind of a way of holding on to him. I can't get over my grief. I cry all the time. I can't stop thinking about him. I want him back. I'm not living my life.

We have both decided it would be a good idea for me to change therapists to someone who doesn't know my original therapist. Easier said than done. I have someone in mind......But I think her answering machine is broken.

I'm in NY on a business trip....I'm getting out of control anxious....I can't reach this new therapist to make and appointment, and I can feel myself losing control of my emotions.

I need advice for getting out of this spiral!

 

[Harebells]

So sorry you're going through that pocono, that's so sad about your therapist. How long is your business trip? Is there any way you could get out of it if you're not up to it at the moment? Is the new therapist in NY or somewhere else? Do you think the other therapist could keep seeing you until you manage to arrange something with a new one? It's totally natural to be grieving in this situation, I know that knowing that doesn't help the pain though - I'm just wondering if it's so bad to be with someone who knew your long term therapist and keep some kind of connection with him? But you know yourself what is helpful and what is harmful for you. Is there a helpline you could call just to talk and have a bit of support? I'm sorry I don't know what to advise but I really hope you find some support and care x

 

[pocono]

Harebells
Thanks for your kindness in replying. I called my current therapist last night, just to help me get through the night. She was helpful in reassuring me that she WILL be my therapist until I find a new one. Still, this morning I woke up shaky and tearful. I go home tomorrow afternoon. I'll try to stay focused on my work. That helps distract me and it also helps me feel better about myself. But I will keep your suggestion about going home early in mind....it isn't a bad one!

I'm just not sure what to do about the potential new therapist. Yesterday and the day before her phone kept ringing to a fax machine. I did manage to leave two messages yesterday, but I wasn't sure they were getting through. And she hasn't called me back yet. I really want to call and leave ANOTHER message, but I don't want her to feel like I'm stalking her!

Pocono

 

[Harebells]

That's good you have input and support from that therapist in the mean time. Yeah it doesn't seem very encouraging that the new therapist is so hard to get hold of - although it's definitely possible there's a good reason for it and she has something going on right now. Anyway I hope you'll get hold of her soon and at least be able to gauge whether you'll be able to work with her. I'm sure that uncertainty is not helping at all right now. I think if you end up leaving her another message she will understand, we've all been there when we're in crisis and really desperate to get to talk to someone. do you know anyone who knows her? I wonder if there's something weird with the machine if you're getting the fax machine. Is it possible she has separate numbers for phone and fax and you ended up with the wrong number somehow? Or do you mean answering machine?

And yeah, time off is definitely justified by a bereavement I think, but i know what you mean, sometimes distraction is more helpful when it's just too overwhelming. Mind yourself, reach out for help as much as you need to. I hope you track down the mystery therapist very soon.

 

[pocono]

So the new therapist reached me today and apologized that her phone had not been working properly. We made an appointment for this Sat. afternoon. I'm relieved and super nervous at the same time. I know it is just a consult and that I don't have to like her, but I just want the transition to be done with!

I had dinner tonight with an old friend/colleague. I told him what has been going on, how I'm feeling etc. I even "went to confession" about my previous suicide attempt, hospitalizations, etc.

Same old, same old....being too vulnerable -- wrong time, wrong person. Not that this man would do me any harm; he is a real gentleman and took good care of me tonight. It is just not that appropriate for me to be hanging out there like that....

Leaves me with the old feeling of self-loathing..... not good....

 

[MHealthJo]

Are you maybe over-judging yourself a bit about it Pocono? I don't know the situation or relationship, but perhaps there was no harm done...?

Although it's important to take care who we share info with for various reasons, in terms of shame or selfhate there is nothing to loathe or feel shameful about in choosing to tell someone part of your story. We all have a story and a history, and someone kind would not harshly judge it. Sometimes hearing what a person has survived and what they are fighting is inspiring and makes us see the brave fight someone is fighting. So it's good to remember that people see that side of it too, and sometimes we might start thinking thoughts of what someone might think but it might not be accurate. Hugs to you.