Grieving Jessie

[Banned]

I am having a terrible time these past few weeks with Jessie's passing, which was now nine months ago. It is tearing me apart and killing me. I thought the worst was over but I'm feeling it like it was yesterday. I cry myself to sleep at night, and wonder how I can go on without him. I miss him so much. So, so much. He wouldn't have chosen to die, and I find my anger is with God - not the vets, or Jessie, or even myself. I think it's cruel and uncaring to take a ten year old dog away from someone, especially when that dog was my entire reason for living. He kept me from taking my own life on more than one occasion, and now I am expected just to go on without him. Jessie and I always had a deal - that I would go first, or we'd go together, because I knew I couldn't go on without him. Then he went first, and not by choice. Just two months before he died I was ready to do so as well, and the only thing that stopped me was that I couldn't bare to leave him or take him with me. It wasn't fair to a dog who loved life so much. If I'd known he only had two months anyway...it would possibly have been a different outcome.

I am just hurting so, so much these days. I love Jonah. He's a very cool dog, but he's not Jessie, nor do I want him to be. But I would give absolutely anything to have Jessie back. The pain is way too hard and it's just not getting any easier.

 

[Lana]

I'm sorry to hear that you're hurting, BG. :hug:

Grief is odd that way....sneaks up on you when you least expect it. I don't know what to say but just to let you know that I am empathetic and sympathetic. :hug:

 

[Halo]

BG,

I am also sorry to hear that you are hurting and grieving the loss of Jessie. I know how much he meant to you and I can only image how much it hurts.

My heart truly goes out to you and remember that I am here for you anytime you need me :heart:

Take care
:hug: :friends:

P.S. - BTW - did you ever decide to do a scrapbook on Jessie as a memory to him as you talked about?

 

[Cat Dancer]

I am also sorry to hear about how much you're hurting, missing your little friend. :hug: :hug:

 

[Misha]

I have a very minimal understanding of grief, but :flowers: for you....

 

[ladylore]

:hug::hug::heart:

 

[Into The Light]

i'm sorry you're hurting for jessie. many hugs :hug::hug:

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Our first family dog died rather tragically when I was about 10. It took me more than 20 years to allow myself to get attached to anothr pet after that. The loss of a loyal friend can be devastating.

 

[ladylore]

I feel the same way about cats.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

I feel the same way about cats.

My next pet after the dog, Brandy, a St. Bernard, was a cat. He was with me for 13 years before he passed away. The next dog I allowed myself to get attached to was my son's Golden Retriever, also named Brandy.

 

[Misha]

When my kitten was hit by a car, I couldn't deal at all. She'd been all I had when I was living alone for the first time, and it was so hard to lose her. I felt "weird" being upset over a pet, but the closeness is just as real as a human relationship...if not more.

 

[Banned]

Thanks for your replies. It's nice to know that my feelings are not abnormal or exagerrated. I remember when I brought Jessie home, I had just put my other dog down at 20 months. I was really torn over whether or not to get another dog, so I promised myself if I got him, I would not get attached to him or fall in love with him. As a result, I have NO puppy pictures of him...which breaks my heart today. And of course, it took time, but he won me over and I totally fell head over heels in love with him. And now I'm setting myself up for history to repeat itself with Brody and Jonah. Why do we do this to ourselves?? The pain is excruciating, yet we do it again and again. At least I do.

 

[adaptive1]

I am so sorry for your loss. My parents had a horse "Mandy" and she died a few years ago. It surprised me how hard it was to deal with that loss. I miss her to this day, feeding her and spending time with her. I have her picture in my room and it makes me smile but I still miss her.

 

[ladylore]

You keep doing it BG because you are so filled with love for animals that you need to share it. There is simply no other way.

 

[SoSo]

Sorry you are in pain BG. I can relate, had to put 2 of my dogs down, one went mad and I held him as he went. The other dog had a huge hole in her wee heart, was suffering so much, could barely walk. She was my special dog and I wept over both. Now, I have rescue animals, those I try to save and keep alive. My family thinks I am nuts because I rescued a 2 day old sparrow, an ordinary house sparrow, Spike, and stayed up days to feed her and make sure she made it. She has a badly deformed foot and can never be set free but I love her and spoil her. We attach to what makes us feel we matter, make a difference, love and are loved, even if it is a pet. I hope your heart heals soon.
:hug:
Feisty:hide: