Grieving losses

[amastie]

I wonder how others deal with grieving the losses that are inevitable with having mental illness.

It's always something close to me and something that I handle only by reminding myself that I do the best I can.

Thanks,

amastie

 

[poohbear]

Same as you, Amastie. I just have to remind myself (often after dealing with the loss for a while and coming to terms with it...) that not everyone understands mental illness. Not everyone is sensitive to the many and varying signs and symptoms of mental illness ... and not everyone cares to even consider this.

Unless I feel like going around in my life wearing a sign stating "I suffer from chronic intermittent episodes of mild , moderate, to severe depression", I have to come to terms with the fact that people just won't understand--let alone even care-- that some days I just want to be alone...no matter HOW many times I have cancelled pre-set plans, no matter how much they want me to do something, no matter what my kids want, no matter that I have to work (or DID...till I called out...).

We just have to deal with it. We lose alot while suffering from depression. I lost a fifteen year marraige. I lost a career. I lost nearly two decades of my life. I am just now realizing that I can try to take it back.

For me, I have learned that this loss is sometimes easier to deal with if I just continue to remind myself that no one...NO ONE...knows what it is like to be in my shoes.

Feel better...Poohbear

 

[Into The Light]

i think maybe it's like any other grieving process.

there are things i lost due to depression, and it broke my heart, and thinking about it now brings tears to my eyes.

i haven't really dealt with it directly because i was in survival mode for a long time. i guess i am sort of dealing with it through therapy, we haven't really gotten to focusing directly on that part yet, but it's touched upon from time to time, so i think over time it's gotten a bit better in that's been talked about a little bit. also having worked on the depression and being ok now has lessened the hurt. i think part of it is that i have regained some of what i had lost back then. it's time that i lost, time i didn't want to lose but couldn't do anything about. i am more aware today of my time and in a sense have regained it, but of course can never get back the time from back then.

i think indeed that reminding yourself you are doing the best you can is helpful. but i think acknowledging to yourself what you don't have is important too. it's ok to be sad and hurt over it. the loss is valid. treat yourself like you would a friend who had lost something important. kindness, acknowledgment, letting yourself be sad.

i know it isn't easy. for me, therapy is helping.

 

[Lana]

I wonder how others deal with grieving the losses that are inevitable with having mental illness.

You know...I wasn't going to reply to this thread because I really didn't know how. I'm not sure why. I guess I don't see the losses. It's more like I need a disclaimer printed somewhere on my body, "contents may become depressed under pressure"..that's about it.

Or maybe because I had losses....several...not due to mental illness, but physical condition. Those losses often triggered the emotional response and resulted in depression. So maybe, the mental illness is more of a response...or symptom....or...I don't know. I hope you get the gist of this.

I also wanted to add that often I try to look for the positive that comes out of situations. I think that exposure to some experiences (while unpleasant and painful) had also increased my compassion, sensitivity, care, and understanding and has given me a valuable insight which enables me to help where others, who don't have these issues, can't. Like a "super power" Every superhero had to suffer and become different to become...well...a superhero.

 

[Jazzey]

I also wanted to add that often I try to look for the positive that comes out of situations. I think that exposure to some experiences (while unpleasant and painful) had also increased my compassion, sensitivity, care, and understanding and has given me a valuable insight which enables me to help where others, who don't have these issues, can't. Like a "super power" Every superhero had to suffer and become different to become...well...a superhero.

I love this quote Lana. I try and practice the same ideology. When we're hitting our rough patches, it's easy to become engrossed in them and forget that we're only human...aspiring to be super heroes!

 

[amastie]

...I just have to remind myself (often after dealing with the loss for a while and coming to terms with it...) that not everyone understands mental illness. Not everyone is sensitive to the many and varying signs and symptoms of mental illness ... and not everyone cares to even consider this......

Sadly, that's true. Mental illness is not something that only afffects the one who is mentally ill. It affects all relationships whether that be intimate, famillial, at work or at play.

...I have to come to terms with the fact that people just won't understand--let alone even care-- that some days I just want to be alone...no matter HOW many times I have cancelled pre-set plans, no matter how much they want me to do something, no matter what my kids want, no matter that I have to work (or DID...till I called out...).
We just have to deal with it...

Which is not to say that we must deal with it completely alone Poohbear. As you have now found, there are avenues for friendship and support I hope that you find much of that here and perhaps offline as well among some of your acquaintances.

...We lose alot while suffering from depression. I lost a fifteen year marraige. I lost a career. I lost nearly two decades of my life. I am just now realizing that I can try to take it back.

For me, I have learned that this loss is sometimes easier to deal with if I just continue to remind myself that no one...NO ONE...knows what it is like to be in my shoes...

Not expecting people to understand does help because it doesn't build up our hopes

...Feel better..

And you

 

[amastie]

...It's more like I need a disclaimer printed somewhere on my body, "contents may become depressed under pressure"...

...Or maybe because I had losses....several...not due to mental illness, but physical condition. Those losses often triggered the emotional response and resulted in depression. So maybe, the mental illness is more of a response...or symptom....or...I don't know. I hope you get the gist of this....

I think so. Losses are losses and it doesn't matter in the end what brought them about and maybe - often - it is the physical losses which precipitate the emotional repercussions.

...often I try to look for the positive that comes out of situations. I think that exposure to some experiences (while unpleasant and painful) had also increased my compassion, sensitivity, care, and understanding and has given me a valuable insight which enables me to help where others, who don't have these issues, can't. Like a "super power" Every superhero had to suffer and become different to become...well...a superhero.

Basically, I agree with you. I just lose hope sometimes and need to be reminded of my deeper core values - including the value of my painful experiences.

Thank you for reminding me of those

 

[amastie]

...When we're hitting our rough patches, it's easy to become engrossed in the..

It is And then, when we're ready, we go on..