Hi,
I have been reading a lot of posts on here lately and sometimes I like to answer them too, I am not sure that I am in a position to give advice on anything but its nice to try to help other people.
I guess I was wondering if anyone else has has ever been in this situation or knows anyone. I grew up with two severly disabled siblings, my older sister had a brain tumour hat left her severly mentally and physically challenged and my older brother is severly mentally ill, so much so that he barely knows who I am. Both have been this way my entire childhood and into my adult life. Needless to say, it was extremely challenging growing up in that situation.
Everyone always comments how hard it must have been for my parents, and not to sound like I am looking for sympathy, I never felt anyone understood what it was like for me. The guilt at being healthy, the shame I felt about being embarassed about my siblings and feeling like I had to make up for my parents grief. Perhaps this is in part why I feel like I have chronic shyness or social anxiety, my family was always ridiculed for my siblings behaviour, even though it was never their fault. We were always being judged, my siblings always doing something crazy or embarassing. It just because easier to avoid people and not give out any information about myself. I started to think everyone would think I was crazy too.
My parents, though I am sure not meaning to, made me feel like I am selfish for wanting to live my own life. The burden I felt and still feel to this day because my aging parents continue to care for my siblings because the medical system is extremely lacking in options for caring for my sister, is extremely high. At some point I learned to tune out the world because all the sickness and sadness and insanity of their mental illness was too much to cope with. I wonder if thats why even now I feel there are times when I can barely follow a conversation. I wonder if there will ever really be a life for me, maybe when my siblings pass away. You cant imagine how horrible I feel even saying that, but how I hope for freedom and an end to this horrible situation.
Not sure why I have gone off on such a tangent on this topic, its been hard to keep it in all these years. I guess this was as good of a place to unload it as any.
I have been reading a lot of posts on here lately and sometimes I like to answer them too, I am not sure that I am in a position to give advice on anything but its nice to try to help other people.
I guess I was wondering if anyone else has has ever been in this situation or knows anyone. I grew up with two severly disabled siblings, my older sister had a brain tumour hat left her severly mentally and physically challenged and my older brother is severly mentally ill, so much so that he barely knows who I am. Both have been this way my entire childhood and into my adult life. Needless to say, it was extremely challenging growing up in that situation.
Everyone always comments how hard it must have been for my parents, and not to sound like I am looking for sympathy, I never felt anyone understood what it was like for me. The guilt at being healthy, the shame I felt about being embarassed about my siblings and feeling like I had to make up for my parents grief. Perhaps this is in part why I feel like I have chronic shyness or social anxiety, my family was always ridiculed for my siblings behaviour, even though it was never their fault. We were always being judged, my siblings always doing something crazy or embarassing. It just because easier to avoid people and not give out any information about myself. I started to think everyone would think I was crazy too.
My parents, though I am sure not meaning to, made me feel like I am selfish for wanting to live my own life. The burden I felt and still feel to this day because my aging parents continue to care for my siblings because the medical system is extremely lacking in options for caring for my sister, is extremely high. At some point I learned to tune out the world because all the sickness and sadness and insanity of their mental illness was too much to cope with. I wonder if thats why even now I feel there are times when I can barely follow a conversation. I wonder if there will ever really be a life for me, maybe when my siblings pass away. You cant imagine how horrible I feel even saying that, but how I hope for freedom and an end to this horrible situation.
Not sure why I have gone off on such a tangent on this topic, its been hard to keep it in all these years. I guess this was as good of a place to unload it as any.
