Gut reaction

[forgetmenot]

sorry i am just worried because i know my gut reactions are never wrong when it comes to my observational skills.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Gut reaction about what, @forgetmenot?

What are you worrying about?

 

[forgetmenot]

About my ma conditon i know what i observed i guess i am still a nurse ok inside i know the signs of cardiac issues and i was right about her bloodsugars it was high 16
What i am worried about is the lack of concern ok ugggggg no follow up no follow up The supervisor she ask mother when pain started she should have asked specifically when her chest pain started mother told her her pain started weeks ago that pain is a different pain

I know ok signs she was cold seat her shirt was soaked back and front nitro spray given three shots took the edge of pain

no follow up ok no follow up i was told to give mother water for her high blood sugar no doctor called no blood work ordered

sorry so sorry but when one is in a nrsg home it is like so so what what if she goes into cardiac arrest what if her blood sugar continues to climb

my mind is not shutting down ok i am not able to shut down because no follow up now mother is not getting the care she needs right now

ugggggggg sorry i want to call but i know better they will be pissed off at me im tired and icannot shut down ok because i would never leave anything for granted i would call the doctor and get orders for blood work to see if mother had cardiac attack and get orders for high blood sugar but that is not how nrsg home works ugggg

 

[forgetmenot]

Supervisor stated she was not having acute issues i don't know what that means highblood sugar of 16 chest pain from left to right arm cold and clammy hand and pale in color
not eating lunch or supper not acute there is a change in my mothers condition and it is not acute she says uggg sorry

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Do you know the name of the doctor in charge of her care? Can you call him in the morning?

 

[forgetmenot]

I will call him tomorrow if the nrsg home has not called Dr. i need to talk to tell him what i observed um omg i have to take care of my daughter first thing too

I will try call nrsg home first to see if they are going to follow up with what has happened if not i will call her doctor

I know they don't like me to do this so i will wait and see what they are going to do first

It hurts because ugggggggg i know she is old i know that but i don't want to lose her .

 

[forgetmenot]

130 am here i need to rest i have so much to do tomorrow omg i will try again to rest have to let it go until tomorrow your right call tomorrow

 

[forgetmenot]

Dr away for a week i did talk to nurse today. I trust this nurse she follows through she goes back and rechecks the vitals and does blood sugars .

i can approach this nurse.
I asked her about restarting her diabetic pills seeing how her blood sugar is still up not as high but still up.
Also asked if they could do cardiac markers just to see what they are dealing with in regards to Mothers heart

Mother remains lethargic clammy feeling but her vitals are within norm but fluctuating up and down.

She did not eat anything for me at lunch just sips of water i manage to get her to take
They did say she had tea earlier anyways she is resting now in her big chair and i have her headphones on with nice music for her

Ma likes Coat of many colors song and Grandmas feather bed lol and more oldies.

I am not use to this change in how a nrsg home reacts opposed to a hospital .

Nurse assures me if mother becomes critical again they would send her to hospital.

Sorry i am not sure now if my decision to not resuscitate is a right decision maybe because of that the reaction to her change in condition is not to alerting to them

i don't know considering changing that now to resuscitate so hard i do not want to make wrong decision here.

 

[forgetmenot]

Still so worried she remains lethargic breathing not the same more shallow breathing.
Phoned supervisor tonight don't know this one ask her to listen to ma lungs.
I was just made aware by my twin that ma had a choking episode at supper the night before all this down hill started. Wondering if she aspirated some food into lungs uggg anyways just wanted supervisor to know this.
I just want them to watch her closely because iknow people that age go down hill fast i do just hope she is stronger tomorrow.

 

[forgetmenot]

Um Ma is gone omg soryy

 

[GaryQ]

Oh FMN I'm so sorry for your loss. I just wish there were words...
Big virtual hug

 

[GaryQ]

Actually there are some words,
She was lucky and blessed to have had such a wonderful kind, caring and loving daughter. I hope in your grief that you try not to forget that.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

I am sincerely sorry to hear that, @forgetmenot.

Be with your family and close friends now and try to find some comfort there.

 

[forgetmenot]

They should have listen to me they should have listne i have no friends i want it that way i went and got my daughter and my hsb left work i have so much to do tomorrow have to notify all government dept and lawyers and banks and god know what else i should have fought to make them hear me but i knew they would not listen
ma with her sons now and i hope she is at peace i am sorry i did not fight harder to make them send her to hspital on sunday Have two day to get her belongings out of nursing home will donate it all i dont want it. told them all she is gone too late now for them to care.

 

[GaryQ]

i have no friends

I know it won't ease any of the pain. No words will, but maybe, you can find a little comfort in knowing that, even if we are all pretty much anonymous and scattered around the world, you have friends here that care deeply about you.

You have been and are a light and an amazing support and comfort to me and to many of us here. I hope we can support and comfort you as you walk through these really difficult times.

 

[Daniel E.]

I want to give my condolences as well.

Personally, I have never experienced grief without feeling guilt. It's a very human way of trying to make sense of things that are beyond our control.

 

[gooblax]

So sorry for your loss forgetmenot.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Personally, I have never experienced grief without feeling guilt. It's a very human way of trying to make sense of things that are beyond our control.

Exactly. Guilt and "what ifs" are a huge part of grieving.

 

[Harebells]

So sorry forgetmenot x

 

[forgetmenot]

Been keeping very busy trying to not feel anything um saw Grandchildren yesterday

They are all so beautiful oldest is 7 she is feeling sad because with every new baby she feels she is less important so sad really

i bought them each something from me. The 7 yr old loves dresses she was so happy with her dress and 5 yr old a dress as well with gold flamingos on it to match her little purse. The boy a skate board shirt and one with cars. and the one year old paw patrol pj

Tthey really help distract me from what is going on inside so much to do getting most done.

Sort of being pushed into the get together tomorrow not wanting to do it but if it helps them with closure ok

Took my brother out that is in group home brought him ma picture omg he started to cry um i told him ma was not in pain now and was watching over him from above. He asked if i would take him out for a milkshake i did. also got him his pop and razors and calogne ma would like me to do that she would.

going to try to get him in a better place somewhere they will take him out more. seems family are um pulling on me for some strength so i am trying so hard to be strong for them.

Hard to see them all suffering but maybe somehow things will work out. Have to get out tomorrow find a flowering tree to plant for ma hope i can find a nice one. they will all be here at 3 tomorrow for burial of her ashes omg omg omg anyways then will take my daughter to her apt next day she is going to beach with act team and i will go see my therapist I don't know what will happen after tomorrow when i am all alone i suspect emotions will come then i hope not i really hope not.