pookiesmom
Member
Hi There - thanks for stopping here.
I am adopted and before any happy adoptees try to strangle me, I just want to add that not all relationships, adopted or not, are that happy. See, here is my little story:
Adopted mother "Sue" has never had the ability to nurture, hug, laugh with me or even the ability to want to understand me. I am one of Sue's 3 adopted kids. By the time they adopted the 3rd, I was in my teens and had to ask what the heck were they doing? Like really! I was the lucky one in hindsight. Got out at 17, went to university and never looked back. Cordial relationship at best always initiated by me. Younger bro became a couch potato, still at age 52, not gainfully employed, younger sis is in a gov't-sponsored home for disturbed people; she's recently been diagnosed as bi-polar and also became blind which I contributed to "blind rage". She has a restraining order against "Sue". All the while "Sue" tells each of us that it's because of our birth circumstances that we're having problems. Lucky her to have that crutch....so
I'm the oldest, now 61. We've always known that we would be well looked after by "Sue's" brothers and sisters, all professionals, never married. However, I see that this has been a bad seed for us all. Sue (I'll dispense with the quotation marks) has used money as her tool to manipulate us, to show how much she "loves" us and to blackmail us into submission. We, the 3 scared adoptees, fearing abandonment like the plague, were and are manipulated into sitting ducks, easy prey. Sue's now 89, money's coming her way from her siblings and she already has all Dad left her that she can live on. After all these years, there has been a myriad of lies, omissions and hurtful brush-offs but we soldier on, waiting for our share of the goodies because that's all we ever had to look forward to. Tsk.
I read "Toxic Parents" years ago and followed what they suggested by writing letters to both Sue and Dad. Dad took it hared, Sue ne're batted an eyelid and was right back in my life the next week. Dad was the only good thing in that relationship. He died years ago and I say good for him! She spent our formative years yelling at him every night til eh finally left for a drive while my kid sibs cuddled in bed with me. Warm and fuzzie she isn't/wasn't.
I'm angry, disillusioned and bitter. I need to shake the maternal influence and fly right; forget the bucks, take a mental holiday and find other stuff to enjoy. Right? I've done most all on that list. But she sure has us all by the short and curlies because that's what she needs to feel normal. I get that now. I'm alone, retired with a few friends but guess what? I don't trust many people. I am conscientious and outgoing but deeply afraid of relationships. I have spent 2/3d's of my life feeling abandoned and angry as have my siblings. I want to spend the last third serene and tranquil. I want to be a good support for my brother (sister isn't talking to any of us)
Help!?!
I am adopted and before any happy adoptees try to strangle me, I just want to add that not all relationships, adopted or not, are that happy. See, here is my little story:
Adopted mother "Sue" has never had the ability to nurture, hug, laugh with me or even the ability to want to understand me. I am one of Sue's 3 adopted kids. By the time they adopted the 3rd, I was in my teens and had to ask what the heck were they doing? Like really! I was the lucky one in hindsight. Got out at 17, went to university and never looked back. Cordial relationship at best always initiated by me. Younger bro became a couch potato, still at age 52, not gainfully employed, younger sis is in a gov't-sponsored home for disturbed people; she's recently been diagnosed as bi-polar and also became blind which I contributed to "blind rage". She has a restraining order against "Sue". All the while "Sue" tells each of us that it's because of our birth circumstances that we're having problems. Lucky her to have that crutch....so
I'm the oldest, now 61. We've always known that we would be well looked after by "Sue's" brothers and sisters, all professionals, never married. However, I see that this has been a bad seed for us all. Sue (I'll dispense with the quotation marks) has used money as her tool to manipulate us, to show how much she "loves" us and to blackmail us into submission. We, the 3 scared adoptees, fearing abandonment like the plague, were and are manipulated into sitting ducks, easy prey. Sue's now 89, money's coming her way from her siblings and she already has all Dad left her that she can live on. After all these years, there has been a myriad of lies, omissions and hurtful brush-offs but we soldier on, waiting for our share of the goodies because that's all we ever had to look forward to. Tsk.
I read "Toxic Parents" years ago and followed what they suggested by writing letters to both Sue and Dad. Dad took it hared, Sue ne're batted an eyelid and was right back in my life the next week. Dad was the only good thing in that relationship. He died years ago and I say good for him! She spent our formative years yelling at him every night til eh finally left for a drive while my kid sibs cuddled in bed with me. Warm and fuzzie she isn't/wasn't.
I'm angry, disillusioned and bitter. I need to shake the maternal influence and fly right; forget the bucks, take a mental holiday and find other stuff to enjoy. Right? I've done most all on that list. But she sure has us all by the short and curlies because that's what she needs to feel normal. I get that now. I'm alone, retired with a few friends but guess what? I don't trust many people. I am conscientious and outgoing but deeply afraid of relationships. I have spent 2/3d's of my life feeling abandoned and angry as have my siblings. I want to spend the last third serene and tranquil. I want to be a good support for my brother (sister isn't talking to any of us)
Help!?!
