Greetings from Calgary.
I will do my best to keep this sort. I am sure you all have better things to read.
First I am 37 years old Male originally from Halifax Nova Scotia now living in Calgary. I have been married for 7 years, I have a 5 year old son and I work in Information Field Support for the Veritiv Corporation.
I joined this forum to help figure out what is wrong with me and how to deal with it.
A little back ground.
My mother suffers from narcissism it was always about her or what would make her look good. She was not above playing manipulative games to get her way. My father would support her in all she did.
Growing up I was always a little...scatterbrained. Smart but I lacked focus, I would set myself up to do things then well nothing happened. I guess you could say I just gave up. Only I don't remember making a conscious effort to do so. It just sort of fell by the way side.
I was never held back but there are times I wonder if maybe I should have been. I look back at this wondering if maybe I was some stupid child that people took pity on and just kept moving me ahead to be rid of me.
Later in life I was diagnosed with Anxiety and Depression. There were times that I tried to hurt myself and while I am not that way now there are moments even with my medication that I wonder if the world would be a better place with out me.
I find it a struggle to get things done. My wife says its laziness. that I am irresponsible that I do not care...that I do not love her. we often fight over little things and all I can say is when she asks why is "I don't know" and "I am trying"
The truth is I don't know why I am like this. I hate it. I don't want to be this worthless husband. I want to be there for her to support her and not get into arguments over stupid things that I should have gotten done.
I am scared I might be like my mother. I don't want this for me, for my wife for my son. I want to control my life and not feel like I am on the outside looking in on a train wreak.
Anyways that is me and why I am here.
- Stryder
I will do my best to keep this sort. I am sure you all have better things to read.
First I am 37 years old Male originally from Halifax Nova Scotia now living in Calgary. I have been married for 7 years, I have a 5 year old son and I work in Information Field Support for the Veritiv Corporation.
I joined this forum to help figure out what is wrong with me and how to deal with it.
A little back ground.
My mother suffers from narcissism it was always about her or what would make her look good. She was not above playing manipulative games to get her way. My father would support her in all she did.
Growing up I was always a little...scatterbrained. Smart but I lacked focus, I would set myself up to do things then well nothing happened. I guess you could say I just gave up. Only I don't remember making a conscious effort to do so. It just sort of fell by the way side.
I was never held back but there are times I wonder if maybe I should have been. I look back at this wondering if maybe I was some stupid child that people took pity on and just kept moving me ahead to be rid of me.
Later in life I was diagnosed with Anxiety and Depression. There were times that I tried to hurt myself and while I am not that way now there are moments even with my medication that I wonder if the world would be a better place with out me.
I find it a struggle to get things done. My wife says its laziness. that I am irresponsible that I do not care...that I do not love her. we often fight over little things and all I can say is when she asks why is "I don't know" and "I am trying"
The truth is I don't know why I am like this. I hate it. I don't want to be this worthless husband. I want to be there for her to support her and not get into arguments over stupid things that I should have gotten done.
I am scared I might be like my mother. I don't want this for me, for my wife for my son. I want to control my life and not feel like I am on the outside looking in on a train wreak.
Anyways that is me and why I am here.
- Stryder