Hello from Potcake

[Potcake]

Welcome Carli!

Hello back, I am new to this forum and perhaps I should do a bit more scouting around before I post, or maybe this is the quickest way to find what I need. I'm not sure I should be on this forum as I am the partner of somebody who has/is suffering from depression. I thought reading comments here may help me understand more what he and I are dealing with, but I feel like I'm "creeping". Should I be here or is there a separate place for "partners of"?

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Welcome to Psychlinks, Potcake.

I moved your post here to its own thread.

 

[forgetmenot]

Hi Potcake you should be here hun everyone is welcome here. There is a forum about depression here if you want to look up information nice to meet you

 

[Retired]

I thought reading comments here may help me understand more what he and I are dealing with

Welcome to Psychlinks, Potcake!

You are to be commended for working to inform yourself about the illness of depression in order to provide the best support for your partner.

Have a look around the Forum, feel free to ask all the questions you like and of course join in any of the ongoing discussions.

Perhaps your partner might be persuaded to also join in Psychlinks discussions. Of course, your partner would have to register independently of your Forum account, to avoid confusion.

Hope you find the information you need; let us know how we can help.

 

[rdw]

Welcome Potcake!

 

[eva]

Welcome!

 

[Potcake]

Thank you all for the welcome.

My husband and I have lately been able to talk with each other about his depression and in some ways that has made it easier and in other ways I am more confused than ever. He has never had a diagnosis but we have been struggling with this for three years, and I'm sure it was there many years before that. We both have read a lot from various sources and I do believe we are doing better than we were say a year ago, but I worry that we are fooling ourselves and that one morning I will waken to a totally different guy.

 

[rdw]

Has your husband sought medical help or therapy? If not, is he open to that idea?

 

[Potcake]

He is not. He is a professional himself and is concerned of the ramifications if it became known that his mental health was unstable. I have sought counselling myself, and have encouraged our children to do so, and he has been supportive of that.

 

[rdw]

Gosh I think he is using flawed logic regarding professional help. In my case I did not begin to recover until I sought help for me. I am glad that you are looking after yourself though.

 

[Potcake]

I said he was undiagnosed, but it just occurred to me that when he was 15 he was diagnosed with PTSD after his family were killed in an accident. Now, 35 years later, after going through a stressful period (a too early retirement and subsequent financial losses) he exibits symptoms of BPD or at least some sort of depression. He doesn't fit easily into any text book definition that I can find. His perception of events over the past two or three years are different than mine, but who is to say mine are right and his are wrong? Since going back to work & finding purpose he has improved, but I still wish he would seek professional help. He will admit to being in a depression but he will not admit to hurting loved ones or at least saying hurtful things while he was in that state of mind, so he can't understand why those people are reticent about taking him back.

 

[Potcake]

Obviously I haven't been making the most of this forum - I waffle back & forth of what to say & who to say it to and I constantly feel I am disrespecting him by posting here. Our lives have not improved since I last posted, in fact there have even been a few nasty outbursts in a public place since, always when there is alcohol involved. It isn't a constant issue but when it is, it is usually nasty. I plan to have a big heart to heart today with him. I am scared to death but it has to happen. I cannot go on always afraid to speak my own opinion for fear of his reaction and although he is/was a depression sufferer, I feel I can't continue to tip-toe around him and the issues we have.

---------- Post Merged at 10:08 AM ---------- Previous Post was at 10:05 AM ----------

My plan is to (again) encourage him to seek professional help. Will psychologists today treat patients via Skype?

 

[forgetmenot]

Hi Potcake good to hear from you again. I do hope you have supports in place for YOU to help you deal with all the emotions you are going through. Yes there is psychologist that do therapy on Skype that could be a way for your husband to to reach out it is all done with complete privacy Hope he listens to you now and gets help he needs but you are right in saying that you should be able to speak your mind without the outburst. Take care

 

[GDPR]

Hi Potcake.

I hope your heart to heart with him goes well.

In an earlier post you mentioned he was diagnosed with PTSD when he was 15,I just wanted to point out that PTSD does not go away,a person can learn to manage symptoms but there is no cure for it,and depression and outbursts are a common experience among those who suffer from it.

I hope he seeks help with it.

 

[MHealthJo]

Hoping the best for you. Yes, it is definitely incredibly difficult and not the best for you when you have a situation where you can't say what you feel and think.

Keep in mind also the possibility of support groups and things which might be positive for loved ones dealing with this in someone else.

Remember also that sometimes being prepared to say what you can and can't live with, allows another person to think about opening up some possibilities that they previously might have refused.

I'll be thinking of you!

 

[GDPR]

I also feel I should point out that PTSD is not an excuse for nasty behavior and shouldn't be tolerated.

When I re-read what I said I was afraid it may have sounded like I was justifying it.

 

[HBas]

Welcome Potcake,

You do know that professional and confidential coincide but I know that we can only control ourselves and not others so I also commend you for taking care of yourself and your kids I enjoy Psychlinks - it is here that I get advise on many matters that I cannot discuss with others. There is always support here

Hope you get what you need and all the best!