Hello

[swimminggirl]

hi i am swimminggirl i am a teenage girl who has a few very close friends that know a lot about things that happen at home but the rest of my friends don't think what i tell them is true because they know my mom and they think she is the best person around.

i live with my mom and my twin brother, my father died less than a month after i was born. my mom tells me i am not part of the family and that if my father was around eveything would be better she takes all her anger from the world and life out on me.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Welcome, swimminggirl.

What does your mom mean by "not part of the family"? How is your behavior at home or your reactions to your mom different from those of your brother?

 

[forgetmenot]

Hi swimminggirl Have you someone to talk to about how you are feeling Do you have a councillor at your school that you trust that you can talk. Perhaps if both you and your mother talk together with a councillor it would help

 

[MHealthJo]

I'm so sorry you are going through this, swimminggirl!

It is so hard to understand certain things that go wrong in the mind of a parent sometimes. I am so sorry for any child who does not get the love and acceptance that every child deserves.

I wish I could make some sort of magic and change whatever is going wrong in the mind of the parent. I can't do this and neither can anyone... but that does not mean that the situation as it is now, and the way it feels for you, will always be the same. Things can change - sometimes in another person, but if not, then certainly in ourselves and the way things might later feel, and the way we gradually process things.

Most of all, the thing that we can often learn is our own worth and value and how to love ourselves and feel worthy. We can eventually be able to separate these important things from the way we have been treated: not have one determine the other. Things that happen can send the message that we don't deserve to feel significant and lovable. But in time we can learn that this message is false, and we don't need to take that message in. It can become much less influential on our life and the way we feel.

We may not have been given this sense of significance and worth by major people in our lives, but in time we can learn to give that to ourselves (even though it doesn't feel that this is possible, until we eventually get there).

Wish you the best as you look for resources to help you on your way....

 

[Cat Dancer]

Welcome to Psychlinks.

 

[AmZ]

Welcome

I'd be interested in hearing your responses from people's previous questions.

I hope you're doing OK.