Hello

[Unbridled]

Hello everyone.

My name is Andrea, I'm 39, mother of 3, bi-polar, OCD, cutter, and recovering opioid addict (6 months clean).

6 months ago my family had an intervention for me which turned my life upside down. In 48 hours I lost my home, job and kids. Ive since spent time in jail, the psych ward, and had to live in my car for 2 months. I am doing much better now, and working hard to regain my custodial rights back. The one thing I'm having trouble with is getting my self-esteem back. I feel such shame and guilt everyday, its hard not to feel worthless, which leads to destructive behavior. More than anything I feel lonely, all the time.

I'm hoping to talk to people here with similar problems so I can stop feeling so alone.

Thanks for listening...

 

[Banned]

Hi unbridled and welcome to Psychlinks. Congratulations on six months clean and the positive changes you are making in your life.

 

[forgetmenot]

Hi hun no shame ok you were ill and now you should only feel pride for you ok You are taking control back Congratulations hun for staying clean so long and i do hope you continue to do so well so you can have custodial rights again You are showing your children that you can fight and get well for them and for YOU hugs

 

[Unbridled]

Thanks for your words of encouragement

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Welcome to Psychlinks, unbridled. What do you have in the way of therapeutic and medical support currently?

 

[rdw]

Welcome! Congratulations on being clean and working towards your recovery.

 

[Retired]

Hello Andrea and welcome to Psychlinks! Hope you find the support and information you need.

Let us know how we can help.

 

[Unbridled]

I see my psychiatrist every 2-3 weeks for med management, psychotherapy once a week, and see a drug counselor/therapist once a week. I feel like I'm trapped in a bi-polar/substance abuse bubble and cant get out! I'm so tired of my whole life revolving around these issues! I'm constantly reminded of my mistakes and imperfections!

 

[Retired]

its hard not to feel worthless, which leads to destructive behavior.

Andrea,

What do you mean by self destructive behaviour?

I'm constantly reminded of my mistakes and imperfections!

Consider shifting your focus from your past mistakes to what has been learned from those mistakes to modify your present and future behaviour? That focus shift might help in appreciating your accomplishments.

 

[Unbridled]

My self destructive behaviour is typically self mutilation. I cut myself, or pierce something, or tattoo. I have many of all three. It has been almost 3 weeks since ive cut myself though

Thanks very much for your advice. Much appreciated.

 

[AmZ]

Welcome

I know how hard it is to not cut.

Wishing you well.

 

[bloodwood]

Hello Unbridled
It sounds like you hit a really hard and nasty wall. Sorry.
There should never be shame for having to struggle with life. That is not something to be ashamed of because life is hard. We are all just taught to try to convince everyone we meet that we've got it together even if we don't.

So this is kind of a nice place to visit for a while because that standing premise is that everyone here is a flawed beautiful human struggling to make it through another day. One hope in my head is that being clean is also going to help stabilize the other stuff for you.

I will say to you that the fact that you continue to fight the fight has my respect. Welcome to the forum.