Help with brother....

[Confusticated]

Hello,
Im not sure where to post this so Ill try here. Im (and my family) are desperately looking for help for my brother. he is a 26 year old man with ADHD, not only that he is an alcoholic and abusing various drugs (were not to sure what) He has been self medicating with booze and drugs for so long that he has now become dependant on these. He is untrustworthy, and steals from everyone to pay for his habbits,(friends, family and employers) He is always agitated and on edge, he cannot be talked to as he snaps instantly when you ask him a question, you cant even say good morning with out getting in a fight with him. My mother, who is suffering from a dibilitating illness seems to be the brunt of his abuse and were all afraisd that the added stress is going to kill her. He (my brother) is co dependant on everyone around him, he cannot keep a job, cant even keep track of ID, his wallet or clothes, He has never kept track of his financial paperwork, and alberta health etc..he has not even filed tax papers in years and probibially oues a tonne of money, My mother used to do his paperwork for him but she is too ill to help now, and I cannot afford the time to help him that way either. Odviously he needs help. we think he needs to be hospitalized for a period for detox and then evaluated by a psyhologist to see if he is fit. He was prevously diagnosed as a scociopath, but never followed through with and treatment. He does not think he needs help and if you mention anything about help to him he flys off the handle and goes into a rage. we can see no gentle way of getting him help, we can see no way of holding an intervention for him that will not danger ourselves also...Please, if anyone has any advice it would be greatly appreatiated. Oh ya, I almost forgot, were from northern Alberta canada.

Thank you
Confusticated

 

[Cat Dancer]

I think that calling a therapist and getting some advice would be a good idea.

I know in the US you can get emergency custody orders and have a loved one evaluated. I'm not sure how it is in Canada though.

There is some good information here:

http://www.psychlinks.ca/pages/addict.htm

 

[HA]

Confusticated,

I'm sorry to hear how difficult things are for you and your family to get help. To add to what Janet has posted, here is a link to a mental health organization that should be able to point you to resources to help you if they don't have any. I would request to have a "Family Case Manager". The family case manager will work with your family to help you deal with the situation. This resource is rare so you may not find it in your area.
http://www.cmha.ab.ca/services/index.htm

You may have to wait for the axe to fall from the legal system then scramble to get your brother diverted to a drug/alcohol rehab centre and hopefully get a full assessment of his mental health.

In the mean time the priority should be "your mother's safety" and that of other family members: The following guidelines from NAMI may be helpful to you

From the NAMI Family to Family course crisis file:

What You Can Do to Manage Violent or Disruptive Behaviour:

1. When you and your relative are both calm, explain to him/her what kinds of behaviours you will not tolerate, as well as the specific consequences upon which you (and other family members) have decided (and agreed) for specific violent or disruptive behaviours. eg. "Next time you threaten ot harm any of us, the police will be called."

2. Get to know or recognize cues that your relative is becoming violent or disruptive. (Your own uneasiness or fear is usually a good cue)

3. Tell your ill relative that his or her behaviour is scaring you or upsetting you. This feed back can defuse the situation, but proceed with the next sugestion if it does not. Saying you are scared does NOT mean you act scared.

4. If you (and other family members) have made a limit setting plan, now is the time to carry out the consequences.

5. Give your relative plenty of space, both physical and emotional. Never corner a person who is agitated unless you have the ability to restrain him or her. Verbal threats or hostile remarks constitute emotional cornering and should, therefore, be avoided.

6. Give yourself an easy exit, and leave the scene IMMEDIATELY if he/she is scaring you or becoming violent.

7. Get Help! Just bringing in other people, particularily the police, can quickly defuse the situation.

8. If you or someone else has witnessed your relative committing a violent or dangerous ACT, whoever witnessed that act can petition for involuntary committment.

A. Do NOT try to ignore violent or disruptive behaviour. Ignoring only leads your relative to believe that this kind of behaviour is acceptable and "repeatable."

B. Do NOT give your relative what he/she wants if the way he is trying to get it is through bullying you. Giving in reinforces this bullying behaviour and makes it likely he will use it agin. Only give in if it is the ONLY way out of a dangerous situation.

C. Do NOT try to lecture or reason with your relative when he is agitated or losing control.

D. NEVER be alone with someone you fear. eg. Don't drive him to the hospital by yourself.