Help

[Ashley-Kate]

I have not been on in a while and i probably should have been. i had a pretty hard last month.

I have started hurting myself again yet in a different form. In the beginning i didn't really define it as S-I really because it seemed kind of harmless and no big deal but as the behavior progressed the damages got a bit more worrisome and evident to my boyfriend who sent me to the emergency room where i found out that I had 2 fractures. This behavior is scary to me because no one really knows that its caused by me other than my psychologist although he hasn't seen me since I went to the hospital. I am worried because I also feel like I am in some kind of denial. i guess i don't really believe that it's really that serious. i feel that they may have misread the x-rays although i know how pathetic that may sound. I was also given pain meds, and can't manage to take them because of the need to feel that pain. I wish i would stop yet right now it seems to be the only thing that helps me feel in control as my eating disorder is really out of control at the moment..

i am frightened that this behavior is more serious that i think it is and at the same time i am scared that i will have to stop and then have nothing to replace it. i don't know what to do

yours truly
ashley

 

[Cat Dancer]

Re: help

Can you get in touch with your psychologist and let him know what you're doing and thinking?

 

[Ashley-Kate]

Re: help

i left him a message to tell him that i had 2 fractures but he doesnt work until monday and i see him on tuesday so till then there is not much he can do

 

[Cat Dancer]

Re: help

this is a good post of things to do instead of self injure:

http://forum.psychlinks.ca/self-inj...survival-skills-what-to-do-with-si-urges.html

I'm sorry you're struggling with the eating and self injury. I can relate. Try to look at it as one moment at a time. Is your boyfriend helpful and kind and understanding? Could he be someone that you can talk to about this?

 

[Ashley-Kate]

hello,
Well i tried going out for a walk to try and calm myself down today only to get "bitched" at because i am supposed to stay in bed and move as little as possible to be able to heal as fast as possible. I called the crisis center that i have been going to for the last couple of weeks as well they have someone available on the phone 24h a day and that was not at all helpfull first i felt that i was being judged by her and the fact that i was not honest with the emergency doctors i saw and did not tell them the truth of how i hurt myself and that if i was expecting them to help me stop doing it i should have told them the truth, i finally told the woman on the phone that i simply thought that if they told me that it was serious and that i had hurt myself pretty badly i would have stopped i didn't think i would continue after being told i had fractures, when she finaly understood she was trying to convince me to go to the hospital because it could be dangerous and then be open to them on how i hurt myself, i ended up simply trying to finish the phone call reassuring her that everything would be okay seeings how she simply didn't seem to understand what was going on. I hate this.. I am an anorexic who is supposed to stay in bed and not move to heal better and supposed to eat properly to heal as well i feel useless and grows about my body and self right now and the only thing that seems to help me is the fact that the only thing i can control right now is my own pain. I want to stop but i have nothing to go towards , exempt sleep medication and pain meds that will basically put me to sleep for the coming days. i am confused, I am trying not to hurt myself but i can't oddly enough its the only thing that makes me feel useful, and almost the only thing that makes it acceptable that i stay laying down not moving. I see my shrink on Tuesday and i have a group therapy on Monday night i may talk to the social worker at the crisis center that does know me on monday but i don'T know what to do right now, i realize the danger in what i am doing yet it's as if i don'T really believe it. or i simply don't think i could do that to myself.. I just simply want a time out yet i feel i am not in enough pain to allow myself to have that time out.

 

[forgetmenot]

Listen to the advice of your doctor hun rest up ok use the meds to keep you calm to sleep If you cannot eat then get a nutritional drink ensure protein drinks that will give your body the protein it needs to heal. Bones need that ok You have enough pain in your life hun don't be inflicting more of it on you. You know now how serious it is so think breath and takethis time to get the help you need to heal. I am giving you a time out card ok use it to keep you well hugs