David Baxter PhD
Late Founder
Helping Girls Avoid the 'Perfection Plague'
by Dara Chadwick, Psychology Today
August 14, 2009
I am not perfect.
Whew...I'm glad we got that out of the way.
I'm being a little silly, I know, but there was a time when admitting I wasn't perfect was extremely difficult. It all started back in first grade, I'm told, when I used to throw away any spelling tests on which I didn't get 100. As an adult, I realize that no one else ever thought I was perfect anyway. But maintaining an image of perfection -- or at least an "I've got it all together" image -- is a common pursuit of many women.
Why? Part of it is internal; we put enormous pressure on ourselves to not only look great, but also to achieve in our career pursuits, maintain a lovely and orderly home, be the impeccable hostess, raise angelic children, be compassionate and caring friends, and be fabulous wives to happy husbands.
Is anyone else tired?
Seriously, we do put a lot of pressure on ourselves. But also face pressures from the outside and today, I'm going to pick on the media. I know, I know...it's not fair for a magazine writer to pick on magazines. So I'll start by saying I understand the pressure that editors feel to sell their product; after all, if women didn't want to improve themselves, they probably wouldn't reach for a service magazine at the bookstore rack. So let's get that out in the open: Service magazines are in the business of feeding and using women's insecurities to sell more magazines.
There...I said it.
So let's talk about this 'perfection plague' and how it hurts us -- and our daughters. And we'll use Self magazine editor Lucy Danziger's admission that the magazine digitally altered the cover image of singer Kelly Clarkson as the starting ground. In her blog entry, Danziger said, "Did we alter her appearance? Only to make her look her personal best."
And therein lies the problem...it seems that Self forgot to ask Clarkson what she feels is her personal best. See, Clarkson claims to be happy with her body and her weight. But Self still chose to change the photo. So even though Clarkson is healthy and happy, she still wasn't good enough to grace the cover in her less-than-perfect state.
What's more telling, though, are Danziger's comments about herself. She writes of finishing a marathon, but retouching the size of her own hips in the post-race photo. She writes, "I am confident in my body, proud of what it can accomplish, but it just didn't look the way I wanted it to in every picture."
I can't tell you how much I cringed when I read that. I don't know if Danziger has a daughter, but if she does, here's the message: Mama just completed an incredibly difficult physical challenge, but she's still not "good enough."
That sentiment is exactly why I wrote my book, You'd Be So Pretty If . . . Teaching Our Daughters to Love Their Bodies - Even When We Don't Love Our Own When I finished my year as Shape magazine's Weight-Loss Diary columnist, I was sizes smaller, but nowhere near what I'd consider "perfect." But my daughter had watched me make over my lifestyle during a year-long experience that left me healthier, happier and with more energy than I'd had in years. If I had turned to her and said, "Yes, I'm healthy. I feel great. But do you see how my thighs still kind of jiggle?"
That's where it starts...the perfection plague.
I'm all for self-improvement. I'm all for healthy changes. But there is no such thing as perfect.
The most disturbing line from Danzinger's post? For me, it was this: "I only keep the pix where I look my best."
To that I can only say, please read this: The Photo Not Taken | Never Say Diet
We can help our daughters avoid the perfection plague. It starts with showing them that we're not perfect.
And that we're OK with that.
by Dara Chadwick, Psychology Today
August 14, 2009
I am not perfect.
Whew...I'm glad we got that out of the way.
I'm being a little silly, I know, but there was a time when admitting I wasn't perfect was extremely difficult. It all started back in first grade, I'm told, when I used to throw away any spelling tests on which I didn't get 100. As an adult, I realize that no one else ever thought I was perfect anyway. But maintaining an image of perfection -- or at least an "I've got it all together" image -- is a common pursuit of many women.
Why? Part of it is internal; we put enormous pressure on ourselves to not only look great, but also to achieve in our career pursuits, maintain a lovely and orderly home, be the impeccable hostess, raise angelic children, be compassionate and caring friends, and be fabulous wives to happy husbands.
Is anyone else tired?
Seriously, we do put a lot of pressure on ourselves. But also face pressures from the outside and today, I'm going to pick on the media. I know, I know...it's not fair for a magazine writer to pick on magazines. So I'll start by saying I understand the pressure that editors feel to sell their product; after all, if women didn't want to improve themselves, they probably wouldn't reach for a service magazine at the bookstore rack. So let's get that out in the open: Service magazines are in the business of feeding and using women's insecurities to sell more magazines.
There...I said it.
So let's talk about this 'perfection plague' and how it hurts us -- and our daughters. And we'll use Self magazine editor Lucy Danziger's admission that the magazine digitally altered the cover image of singer Kelly Clarkson as the starting ground. In her blog entry, Danziger said, "Did we alter her appearance? Only to make her look her personal best."
And therein lies the problem...it seems that Self forgot to ask Clarkson what she feels is her personal best. See, Clarkson claims to be happy with her body and her weight. But Self still chose to change the photo. So even though Clarkson is healthy and happy, she still wasn't good enough to grace the cover in her less-than-perfect state.
What's more telling, though, are Danziger's comments about herself. She writes of finishing a marathon, but retouching the size of her own hips in the post-race photo. She writes, "I am confident in my body, proud of what it can accomplish, but it just didn't look the way I wanted it to in every picture."
I can't tell you how much I cringed when I read that. I don't know if Danziger has a daughter, but if she does, here's the message: Mama just completed an incredibly difficult physical challenge, but she's still not "good enough."
That sentiment is exactly why I wrote my book, You'd Be So Pretty If . . . Teaching Our Daughters to Love Their Bodies - Even When We Don't Love Our Own When I finished my year as Shape magazine's Weight-Loss Diary columnist, I was sizes smaller, but nowhere near what I'd consider "perfect." But my daughter had watched me make over my lifestyle during a year-long experience that left me healthier, happier and with more energy than I'd had in years. If I had turned to her and said, "Yes, I'm healthy. I feel great. But do you see how my thighs still kind of jiggle?"
That's where it starts...the perfection plague.
I'm all for self-improvement. I'm all for healthy changes. But there is no such thing as perfect.
The most disturbing line from Danzinger's post? For me, it was this: "I only keep the pix where I look my best."
To that I can only say, please read this: The Photo Not Taken | Never Say Diet
We can help our daughters avoid the perfection plague. It starts with showing them that we're not perfect.
And that we're OK with that.
