He's moved on, but when will I?

[TexasManders]

This is my first post and sadly I am crying as I write it.

My ex broke up with me 8 months and 8 days ago and I still feel very broken. He is NOT a good person, and I know this as there are MANY things I have learned since our breakup (including cheating), but I am scared that he is the ONLY guy I will ever have the type of feelings and chemistry like we had with. I am 31, and I don't fall easy. I have only had 2 (including this last one) serious relationships ever.

I have so many questions... The biggest being, How can men move on so quickly? He was seeing another girl seriously within 2 months of us breaking up, and moved her and her 3 children into his home within 4 months.

The next question being, I have a solid career, no kids, good head on my shoulder, made him and his kids my world, but the girl he started seeing after me is 26 and has been divorced 2 times already, as well has 3 kids by 3 different fathers. I don't want to stereotype, but that just seems trashy to me and SO NOT the type of woman I am? But maybe that is the point...I don't understand what she offers him that I did not?

Lastly, How can someone just forget all you shared like it was nothing. Look you in the eye one morning and tell you they love you and you are the best thing that ever happened to them and then that afternoon breakup with you because they "thought" they loved you? Oh, and he also in the same day told his family he had to let me go cause I was crazy. I asked him how I was crazy he said because I cried. OMG... I cried! Poor him, always the victim. He made himself to be the victim as well when his wife filed for divorce from him for CHEATING on her.

I guess a little background on my ex is that when he and I first started dating he was in the early stages of a divorce. The surprising thing is that his ex and I got along perfect and are still friends to this day. I wish I had the answers that could make this hurt go away, but the only thing I seem to know is that it seems his life is WONDERFUL, he has the girl, a new family, but I am stuck in the rut of wanting to get over him but having a hard time doing so. It was so easy for him to get over me, that should be all I need to know to move on right? He tried to remain friends with me after the breakup, but it seemed all he wanted to do was hurt me with every conversation and I finally had to cut all contact with him in March. So we have not spoken at all since the middle of March.

I am so angry and sad at the same time... I just want to know there is a light at the end of this dark tunnel I have been in this year. When will I find my Happiness like he has found without me ? I honestly just want to have hope, but anytime I think I might have some, the walls seem to close down once again.

Anyone got any insight to WHY or HOW a man could act as cold hearted as he did? Oh, and since he and I have split up, his relationship with his ex has gone from friendly to strictly court ordered. We honestly had such a great relationship among us all (His ex, her boyfriend, myself and my ex)that we would all have dinner together with the kids on many occasions. How can someone change like that? Will he ever realize his ugly ways?

I know questions, questions, questions... If anything, Thanks for letting me vent for a little bit. At least I am not crying anymore like I was at the beginning of this post.

 

[Fiver]

Welcome to Psychlinks, TM. One of the cool things about posting here is that by the time you finish venting and airing your pain by posting, a lot of the time you're all cried out. Venting is a powerful tool. This is a great place for doing it.

I'm sorry for your pain, but I'm very glad you found us.

 

[Eye Stigmata]

Welcome!

I can relate a little bit to how you feel. My boyfriend broke up with me a few days before I moved across the country, after seeing him for a year....and he also had been seeing someone else for weeks before breaking up with me. They have since moved in together, so I guess after about 2 months of dating. I understand, and also sometimes ask the same questions....but just remember, some of them are mentally structured to be like that, maybe they are just not in touch with their feelings, or unaware of how their actions will affect others.

I'm so sorry to hear about your experience, but i hope that you do not blame yourself or see it as something you have done wrong - because it's not. I think you smart not to fall quickly....some of us fall too quickly and get hurt much faster as a result, so don't be so hard on yourself! Something my therapist taught me was...each relationship stands on a differet step on a ladder, and each relationship is (most of the time) a step upwards. I think with each hurt we go through we get smarter about our choices, each person we have in our life teaches us something different and challenges different traits of ourselves. I think each relationship teaches us a bit more about ourselves...who we are...what we are looking for...the characteristics we do and don't like. So I hope you will be easier on yourself and see it as a learning curve. And maybe what youve learned will help push you towards seeking something greater for yourself. You're worth it!

Try to remember you have as much right to be here on earth as anyone else and as much right to fall in love and be loved as anyone else in the world.

I hope you heal well and find what your looking for

And remember, the more energy you let him suck out of you, the more you let him win. He hurt you, so why let him control you?!?

Thanks for sharing your story!

 

[sadhana13]

Hi, Miss Texas,
I have gone thru a kind of similar scenario few years back(i just turned 33 now). Believe me, I have gone thru worst phase than yours.. But down the line, I realised what is bygone is gone. I have had the time to introspect ,understand myself better. Understand my needs better. Define your needs, take each day as it comes and work towards your heart's desires.
More importantly find ways to feel contented for the way you are and the way life is!!

 

[HBas]

Hi TexasManders,

Welcome to Psychlinks!

Sorry to hear about your hurt!

Eye Stigmata said it so well that I don't have much to add.

Not jumping into the next persons arms gives you time to heal. It is always easier to have someone to comfort you and that is why most guys always find someone before they brake up. You are taking time to heal and I think that is the best thing anyone can do - even though it hurts more at the time it may hurt less later when you are happy again and don't have to deal with old emotions.

We can never understand why some people do what they do because our minds are wired differently. We can only control our own and wondering about the next persons actions gives them some sort of hold over us. May be best to find one extra positive thing to focus on every day and make less space for him in your thoughts!

Hope that you will find the happiness you deserve soon.

HB