- Thread starter Bucko
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NakedWombat
Member
Hi and welcome John(Bucko).
I hope that you find what you're looking for here.
I hope that you find what you're looking for here.
Hallo! Welcome!
David Baxter PhD
Late Founder
Welcome to Psychlinks, John. 
Welcome John. I applaud your courage. Folks on PsychLinks are very friendly and welcoming. But I get that this is likely a huge step for you. If you are comfortable - what have you done to try to overcome shyness and social phobia?
AmZ
Member
Welcome John
Hi Dragonfly
Some 30 years ago, I know that long, I did a correspondence course on self -improvement in the hope that it would help me overcome shyness and social phobia. I started the course with a lot of enthusiasm at first, but easily got discouraged when I was not getting instant results. Since then, I have purchased lots of self help books. Some I read throughout, some I just read half way through. I tried to use the advice contained in these books in my day to day life. Apart from that, I have just accepted my situation. I feel I have outgrown my shyness to a certain extent, but I know it’s still there. This is especially true on the rare occasions I go to parties and social events these days.
I used to be very shy around women. Now, there are a lot of women where I work so interaction with them, has help me somewhat. What I want to do now is to banish my shyness completely. It affects me every day of my life. I want to move on from it. If I did, it would certainly improve my life greatly.
John
Some 30 years ago, I know that long, I did a correspondence course on self -improvement in the hope that it would help me overcome shyness and social phobia. I started the course with a lot of enthusiasm at first, but easily got discouraged when I was not getting instant results. Since then, I have purchased lots of self help books. Some I read throughout, some I just read half way through. I tried to use the advice contained in these books in my day to day life. Apart from that, I have just accepted my situation. I feel I have outgrown my shyness to a certain extent, but I know it’s still there. This is especially true on the rare occasions I go to parties and social events these days.
I used to be very shy around women. Now, there are a lot of women where I work so interaction with them, has help me somewhat. What I want to do now is to banish my shyness completely. It affects me every day of my life. I want to move on from it. If I did, it would certainly improve my life greatly.
John
David Baxter PhD
Late Founder
Some self-help books that you might find helpful:
Amazon.com: When Panic Attacks: A New Drug-Free Therapy to Beat Chronic Shyness, Anxiety and Phobias. David D. Burns (9780091929602): David D. Burns: Books
Amazon.com: Intimate Connections (9780451148452): David D. Burns: Books
Amazon.com: The Feeling Good Handbook (9780452281325): David D. Burns: Books
Amazon.com: The Highly Sensitive Person (9780553062182): Elaine N. Aron Ph.D.: Books
Amazon.com: Overcoming Shyness and Social Phobia: A Step-by-Step Guide (Clinical Application of Evidence-Based Psychotherapy) (9780765701206): Ronald M. Rapee: Books
Amazon.com: The Shyness & Social Anxiety Workbook: Proven, Step-By-Step Techniques for Overcoming Your Fear (9781572245532): Martin M. Antony, Richard P. Swinson: Books
Amazon.com: Shyness: What It Is, What To Do About It (9780201550184): Philip G. Zimbardo: Books
Amazon.com: When Panic Attacks: A New Drug-Free Therapy to Beat Chronic Shyness, Anxiety and Phobias. David D. Burns (9780091929602): David D. Burns: Books
Amazon.com: Intimate Connections (9780451148452): David D. Burns: Books
Amazon.com: The Feeling Good Handbook (9780452281325): David D. Burns: Books
Amazon.com: The Highly Sensitive Person (9780553062182): Elaine N. Aron Ph.D.: Books
Amazon.com: Overcoming Shyness and Social Phobia: A Step-by-Step Guide (Clinical Application of Evidence-Based Psychotherapy) (9780765701206): Ronald M. Rapee: Books
Amazon.com: The Shyness & Social Anxiety Workbook: Proven, Step-By-Step Techniques for Overcoming Your Fear (9781572245532): Martin M. Antony, Richard P. Swinson: Books
Amazon.com: Shyness: What It Is, What To Do About It (9780201550184): Philip G. Zimbardo: Books
Hey John,
Wow, excellent that you are brave enough to attend some social gatherings! If it makes you feel any better, even us folks who aren't considered shy find social gatherings a bit demanding and overwhelming. I think even the person who puts on the most convincing show that he is brave, is just really really good at faking it. What you might want, then, are acting classes! I'm not kidding. I was withdrawn and shy most of my life, and what got me to be more outgoing was drama classes, toastmasters club where you learn to write speeches, and also in school and university in Arts Education you had to do a lot of oral presentations. We even put on a couple of shows to raise money for some field trips! Also I did a couple of decades of instructing kids at after school programs and summer programs. If you were new you had a few weeks to learn CPR and First Aid, and a course in Leadership. And of course summer after summer of dealing with kids in large echoing gymnasiums and outdoors you DO have to learn to speak with confidence and shout for attention occasionally, and lead drama games, and such.
Maybe you could start by teaching a class in an after school program with 10 kids or something. What are you an expert in? If you're super savvy at tech support, how about a beginner course on the basics of troubleshooting network connectivity problems with internet, iTunes, or emails? Or it sounds like you enjoy reading: what about volunteering at the library or hospitals to read to kids, or even adults... Just a couple of ideas. You could start small and get bigger as your confidence builds. No need to rush. Patience with yourself and not being hard on yourself is the key when time is all you need! 8)
Wow, excellent that you are brave enough to attend some social gatherings! If it makes you feel any better, even us folks who aren't considered shy find social gatherings a bit demanding and overwhelming. I think even the person who puts on the most convincing show that he is brave, is just really really good at faking it. What you might want, then, are acting classes! I'm not kidding. I was withdrawn and shy most of my life, and what got me to be more outgoing was drama classes, toastmasters club where you learn to write speeches, and also in school and university in Arts Education you had to do a lot of oral presentations. We even put on a couple of shows to raise money for some field trips! Also I did a couple of decades of instructing kids at after school programs and summer programs. If you were new you had a few weeks to learn CPR and First Aid, and a course in Leadership. And of course summer after summer of dealing with kids in large echoing gymnasiums and outdoors you DO have to learn to speak with confidence and shout for attention occasionally, and lead drama games, and such.
Maybe you could start by teaching a class in an after school program with 10 kids or something. What are you an expert in? If you're super savvy at tech support, how about a beginner course on the basics of troubleshooting network connectivity problems with internet, iTunes, or emails? Or it sounds like you enjoy reading: what about volunteering at the library or hospitals to read to kids, or even adults... Just a couple of ideas. You could start small and get bigger as your confidence builds. No need to rush. Patience with yourself and not being hard on yourself is the key when time is all you need! 8)
NakedWombat
Member
May I suggest you find a community organisation that you share an interest with? One suggestion I make is Toastmasters International or an organisation very similar to it as it is for adult who seek to improve themselves. The members all have different reasons but the one thing they share in common is improving their self confidence. I use my membership to manage Tourettes Syndrome. I have seen members use their membership to conquer anxiety, to improve their socialisation skills, to help with career advancement and more.
Cat Dancer
MVP
Welcome!!
John,
Your efforts to overcome shyness and social phobia are remarkable. I am wondering if face-to-face therapy might help solidify some of the skills that you have been acquiring over the years. Is this realistic for you? Take care,
Your efforts to overcome shyness and social phobia are remarkable. I am wondering if face-to-face therapy might help solidify some of the skills that you have been acquiring over the years. Is this realistic for you? Take care,
Hi John
I used to be very shy around strangers especially women and also would get embarrassed very easily. looking back, I think I had a fear of feeling or getting embarrassed in public, it was as if I was embarrasses of getting embarrassed as crazy as it sounds, but this would actually trigger the embarrassment. I'm not sure if this helps at all but anyway I wish you all the very best.
take care
me_dad
I used to be very shy around strangers especially women and also would get embarrassed very easily. looking back, I think I had a fear of feeling or getting embarrassed in public, it was as if I was embarrasses of getting embarrassed as crazy as it sounds, but this would actually trigger the embarrassment. I'm not sure if this helps at all but anyway I wish you all the very best.
take care
me_dad
amastie
Member
Hi John,
and welcome
and welcome
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