(Just a trigger warning in case anyone is upset by mention of abuse)
Hi everyone,
My name is Meg, and I'm a 21 year old psych student from Australia. I am also a survivor of sexual abuse. The perpetrator was my first boyfriend, which makes for a confusing situation because it was someone who I had willingly started going out with, not someone with whom a relationship was inappropriate. It started when I was 16 and a half and I did not have the courage to break away from him until I was 18. I know that the things he did to me so often were sexual assualt, I've read the law and he didn't even deny it when I confronted him, but I still question myself constantly and I find that so frustrating. It just seems bizarre to me that someone could get trapped in an abusive relationship at so young an age. I get angrier with myself than I ever have been at him and that doesn't seem to make much sense.
During and for a while after the abuse I struggled with depression, an eating disorder, and self-injury. I should have seen someone about it really, but at the time I just wanted to be left alone and wasn't interested. However, after about 10 months of 'freedom' I was doing really well and kept this up for another two years. In that time I changed my major from chemistry to psychology (strange change eh?) and decided I wanted to do psych postgrad work and work with people who have experienced abuse. I worked really hard, completed my undergrad science degree and now I'm two months away of graduating again with honours.
Slight problem: things have been going downhill again since May. I've gone from being hard-working and cheerful to wavering around between anxiety and depression. I've been having flashbacks, nightmares, I hate being touched, I feel emotionally numb and I can't concentrate on my work any more. I've been very triggered by a few things and I feel like I'm right back where I started out. I don't like being this person. In the three and a half years from the end of the abuse until May this year, I had only told one person about it. Now 9 people know and I started counselling about a month ago. Everything seems really really confused and difficult. I have no idea what I should be doing with my life.
Anyway, that's my little story. Thanks for reading if you made it through all that!
Meg
Hi everyone,
My name is Meg, and I'm a 21 year old psych student from Australia. I am also a survivor of sexual abuse. The perpetrator was my first boyfriend, which makes for a confusing situation because it was someone who I had willingly started going out with, not someone with whom a relationship was inappropriate. It started when I was 16 and a half and I did not have the courage to break away from him until I was 18. I know that the things he did to me so often were sexual assualt, I've read the law and he didn't even deny it when I confronted him, but I still question myself constantly and I find that so frustrating. It just seems bizarre to me that someone could get trapped in an abusive relationship at so young an age. I get angrier with myself than I ever have been at him and that doesn't seem to make much sense.
During and for a while after the abuse I struggled with depression, an eating disorder, and self-injury. I should have seen someone about it really, but at the time I just wanted to be left alone and wasn't interested. However, after about 10 months of 'freedom' I was doing really well and kept this up for another two years. In that time I changed my major from chemistry to psychology (strange change eh?) and decided I wanted to do psych postgrad work and work with people who have experienced abuse. I worked really hard, completed my undergrad science degree and now I'm two months away of graduating again with honours.
Slight problem: things have been going downhill again since May. I've gone from being hard-working and cheerful to wavering around between anxiety and depression. I've been having flashbacks, nightmares, I hate being touched, I feel emotionally numb and I can't concentrate on my work any more. I've been very triggered by a few things and I feel like I'm right back where I started out. I don't like being this person. In the three and a half years from the end of the abuse until May this year, I had only told one person about it. Now 9 people know and I started counselling about a month ago. Everything seems really really confused and difficult. I have no idea what I should be doing with my life.
Anyway, that's my little story. Thanks for reading if you made it through all that!
Meg
