Hiding depression

[Rosa]

Just wondering is others are like me....I could be planning my death and yet turn to someone and say I'm fine, I could be completely overwhelmed and yet still show the world that I'm fine....The first time in my life that I ever admitted things weren't 'perfect' in my life was when my (now) ex-boyfiend had beat me up-leaving bruises on my face and my job wouldn't tolorate it anymore and called the police.? It didn't take me long to convience everyone that I was fine again.? Two weeks later he <admin edit: seriously assaulted me again> ... I ended up leaving my home that night with the clothes on my back and my dog.? I was living in my car and yet I rember when people asked how I was doing I would smile and say fine.? Its not until recently that I've even been able to tell my Doctor that I'm not fine and have began being honest with whats going on in my life.? I'm really having a hard time admitting even with him, that at times I'm not ok.? It's almost as if I don't know how to say I'm in trouble.? Any suggestions?? Do others have this problem of always pretending everything is just perfect when inside they just want to crawl out of their skin at times?
Thanks
Rosa

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[Cat Dancer]

I think many people do this. I know I wouldn't share these types of things with just anyone. I think I might share with a very close friend if I had one.

I think that is what is good about therapy. Talking to someone who is not going to be judging me.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

I think that is what is good about therapy. Talking to someone who is not going to be judging me.

In some ways, that is the BEST thing about seeing a therapist. Not only will you not be judged but you don't have to worry at all about stressing or worrying a friend or family member by telling them what's on your mind.

 

[sister-ray]

Hi Rosa,

I do that too, only 2-3 people Im really close too know about my illness,and of course medical people, but nieghbours or people in the community I hide it from, for fear of judgment, and I have had judgement in the past so thats why I have learned to hide it!!

Best wishes TTE

 

[Rosa]

Thank you for your replys. Sorry for the mistake with the post. I'll be more careful.
Thanks
Rosa

 

[Diana]

I think it's very typical. No one wants to just walk into work and lay down every bad thing about their life to the first person that asks "how are you today?" In many ways this is just a routine question that we're taught to answer one way "fine". I think it's great that you're seeing a therapist so that you can learn how to open up to him. Of course you still have a hard time telling him things - I think it's always hard. Why don't you even tell him that you have a hard time being open with him and maybe he can give you some strategies for feeling more comfortable or letting your feelings out.

 

[Rosa]

Hi Diana,
Great advice. Several ago I was sitting there talking to him when even I thought "why am I here-I'm making my life sound soooo good". He knew about my past but I was still not sharing how I felt and just as important-the twisted way I think sometimes. The next week I spent writing a note for him and telling him exactally what I felt and how I was thinking. As soon as I got there I handed him the note and since then we continue to make progress. I even got on the web and found a place for daily journals (all it is a Daily Notes page) so I took copies and each day I rate the day if you will. I made a commitment to myself to be completely honest on those pages and I give them to the doctor with each visit. All of this has helped him to adjust and add new medications. At first I felt a little strange writing things down instead of just saying them, but the truth was I wasn't saying them and needed an outlet to express this-so it works.
Thanks again,
Rosa

 

[Diana]

Good for you. Sounds like you've figured out your own best way of dealing with this. I'm always better with writing too. I've liked writing since I was a child and I find it a great way to express yourself and reflect on how you're feeling. It doesn't only help another person to understand you. It helps YOU to understand YOU. I'm sure your doctor appreciates this as well.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

If you'd prefer a journaling program that resides on your computer instead of online, see the freeware program in this thread: http://forum.psychlinks.ca/index.php?topic=3797.0

 

[Rosa]

Thanks to both of you. I too am glad I found writing-it also works to serve as a good way to monitor changes-as opposted to depending on my aging memory-yesterday, the day before, last week...they all seem about the same to me....but by keeping a writen down its alot easier to be accurate.
Thanks for the link to. I will download it later this week when I get to work
Rosa
ps. thanks for changing my user name

 

[David Baxter PhD]

You're welcome