High Anxieties: Coping with panic attacks
by Anna Williamson as told to Hilary Freeman, Times Online
November 17, 2008
The GMTV presenter Anna Williamson, 25, describes how she coped when her life fell apart and she found herself living in a cycle of fear
I've always been an oversensitive perfectionist. My family used to call me "Miss 35" because, at 11, I acted so much older than my years. But I thought of myself as a strong, pragmatic person who didn't have any problems dealing with stress.
Perhaps that's why when I did develop an anxiety disorder I found it so hard to accept that I'd lost control.
It was just over a year ago that things started to unravel. In addition to my regular work on GMTV, I'd taken on a theatre job, a role in a pantomime in Brighton. I found myself working 16-hour days, seven days a week, and also commuting between London and Brighton.
Knowing how lucky I was to have both jobs, I felt that I had to put 100 per cent into them.
I coped fine for the first few weeks, but then I started to feel unable to apply myself to anything properly. I hardly saw my partner and I felt guilty because I couldn't give any time to my friends or family. So, instead of sleeping, any spare time I had was spent catching up with friends, people-pleasing to the detriment of my own mental health. I didn't enjoy socialising and I'd wake up feeling as if I'd been run over by a bus. I'd lie in bed with lines and songs and camera directions going round and round in my head.
I'd lie in bed worrying about irrational things Nobody at work could tell that I wasn't coping. Somehow, I'd get through the day. But, at home, in the evenings, I'd find myself bursting into tears for no reason at all. I couldn't understand why, when I was doing what I'd always wanted to do, I was feeling so awful, so isolated. My mother was concerned and told me to rest. Instead of taking heed, I tried to protect her. I told her I was fine; I would even go round to my parents' house and do the washing-up, to "prove" how well I was coping.
I made it through the panto run and at the end of January I went on holiday to Thailand with my boyfriend. Usually, I love travelling, but this time I felt dreadfully homesick. I found it difficult to get to sleep and I'd lie there worrying about the most irrational things. What if we get hit by a tsunami? What if a spider comes into the room? Or a snake? What if something happens to my family? I was relieved when dawn came and I could get up, so I'd no longer be alone with my thoughts. For the first time, I didn't come back refreshed from my holiday.
Things got easier for a few months, but of course I hadn't really dealt with anything. And by the summer I felt myself losing control again. My relationship was starting to break down and I was also anxious about family problems: cancer was diagnosed in my elder brother's girlfriend and my younger brother was suffering from panic attacks (there's some evidence that anxiety disorders can run in families).
I started to obsess about work, learning lines several days early instead of relaxing. I worried about my friends; I'd think, "I haven't called that person for ages, they must think I'm a rubbish friend". I worried about my parents, who were upset about my brothers, and, of course, I worried about my brothers, too.
Most people have at least one panic attack
All that anxiety built up inside me. I suppose it was inevitable that it had to come out somehow. And at the end of September 2006, come out it did, in the form of panic attacks. The first one happened at a friend's house, in the middle of the night. For anyone who hasn't had a panic attack - and most people will experience at least one in their lifetime - they are extremely frightening. The sensation starts in your chest. It's like someone's prodding a hot poker into your breastbone. Then your chest feels tight and fluttery, you start to hyperventilate, your heart begins to palpitate and you can feel your pulse thudding in your ears.
Suddenly you feel ultra alert, your eyes are very wide, and a hot, then cold, wave spreads across your body. You can't breathe. You really believe you're going to die.
After that first attack, I found myself in a cycle of fear. I was so frightened of having another that I became even more anxious and the attacks started to occur regularly. Over the next two months I had one almost every day.
Finally, on November 1, I lost it at work. I'd felt totally exhausted from the moment I'd woken up and I'd also had an argument with my partner. I was in the studio, shortly before going on air, and I began to feel like I was going to faint. A colleague asked if I was all right and I just burst into tears: great big, heaving sobs that I couldn't control. I couldn't breathe.
I felt completely unable to go on. I was sent home and signed off work. At first, I couldn't stop crying and I couldn't bear to be left alone. I was terrified that I'd lose my job, even though everyone had been very understanding. The doctor put me on beta-blockers, but they didn't help.
I had to learn to relax
Then a friend recommended a consultant psychiatrist who specialised in hypnosis and I went to see him privately. He prescribed a mild antidepressant and told me that if I was to get over the panic attacks, I needed to change my outlook. I had to learn to relax and to stop worrying about other people.
For the first time, I unloaded all my anxieties and talked openly about how I felt. Using hypnosis - a deep state of relaxation - he took me back to my first attack and taught me to deal with my worries by storing them away in my head so that they no longer frightened me.
Within three weeks I was back at work, and I haven't had another attack since. Of course, I still feel anxious and have sleepless nights. But by using hypnosis CDs and practising the techniques that the psychiatrist taught me, I'm able to get my anxieties back under control so that they don't take over. If I start worrying, I focus on positive thoughts: "Everything's fine", "I'm a very lucky girl", etc.
I've also taken up Pilates, which helps me to relax and to breathe better.
Although my partner was very supportive, I felt that I needed to be on my own and I ended the relationship. I'm starting to appreciate having time to myself and enjoying my own company. I no longer go out when I'm too tired, just to please my friends. I've learnt to say no. I also plan in advance so that my workload doesn't overwhelm me.
Hypnosis worked for me but it isn't the only answer. Drugs, relaxation techniques and therapy can also work. The worst thing that you can do is to try to cope alone.
Press the panic button
According to the mental health charity, Mind (Mind, National Association for Mental Health | Mind), a panic attack is an exaggeration of the body's normal response to fear, stress or excitement.
A spokesperson for Mind says: "When faced with a situation seen as potentially threatening, the body automatically gears itself up for danger, by producing quantities of adrenalin for 'fight or flight'. This would have prepared our cave-dwelling ancestors to fight or to run away from danger, but it's much less appropriate to the stresses that we encounter today."
Adrenalin floods the body, causing the muscles to tense, the heart to beat rapidly, and faster breathing. Other symptoms include increased sweating and higher sensory alertness.
Panic attacks can come on very quickly and last for between five and 20 minutes.
You may have one or two panic attacks and never experience another. Or you may have attacks once a month or several times each week.
For more information on panic attacks call: MindinfoLine, (0845 7660163), which is open Monday to Friday, 9.15am to 5.15pm.
No Panic is a charity that supports people with panic and anxiety disorders. Its helpline is 0808 8080545; No Panic Home Page
by Anna Williamson as told to Hilary Freeman, Times Online
November 17, 2008
The GMTV presenter Anna Williamson, 25, describes how she coped when her life fell apart and she found herself living in a cycle of fear
I've always been an oversensitive perfectionist. My family used to call me "Miss 35" because, at 11, I acted so much older than my years. But I thought of myself as a strong, pragmatic person who didn't have any problems dealing with stress.
Perhaps that's why when I did develop an anxiety disorder I found it so hard to accept that I'd lost control.
It was just over a year ago that things started to unravel. In addition to my regular work on GMTV, I'd taken on a theatre job, a role in a pantomime in Brighton. I found myself working 16-hour days, seven days a week, and also commuting between London and Brighton.
Knowing how lucky I was to have both jobs, I felt that I had to put 100 per cent into them.
I coped fine for the first few weeks, but then I started to feel unable to apply myself to anything properly. I hardly saw my partner and I felt guilty because I couldn't give any time to my friends or family. So, instead of sleeping, any spare time I had was spent catching up with friends, people-pleasing to the detriment of my own mental health. I didn't enjoy socialising and I'd wake up feeling as if I'd been run over by a bus. I'd lie in bed with lines and songs and camera directions going round and round in my head.
I'd lie in bed worrying about irrational things Nobody at work could tell that I wasn't coping. Somehow, I'd get through the day. But, at home, in the evenings, I'd find myself bursting into tears for no reason at all. I couldn't understand why, when I was doing what I'd always wanted to do, I was feeling so awful, so isolated. My mother was concerned and told me to rest. Instead of taking heed, I tried to protect her. I told her I was fine; I would even go round to my parents' house and do the washing-up, to "prove" how well I was coping.
I made it through the panto run and at the end of January I went on holiday to Thailand with my boyfriend. Usually, I love travelling, but this time I felt dreadfully homesick. I found it difficult to get to sleep and I'd lie there worrying about the most irrational things. What if we get hit by a tsunami? What if a spider comes into the room? Or a snake? What if something happens to my family? I was relieved when dawn came and I could get up, so I'd no longer be alone with my thoughts. For the first time, I didn't come back refreshed from my holiday.
Things got easier for a few months, but of course I hadn't really dealt with anything. And by the summer I felt myself losing control again. My relationship was starting to break down and I was also anxious about family problems: cancer was diagnosed in my elder brother's girlfriend and my younger brother was suffering from panic attacks (there's some evidence that anxiety disorders can run in families).
I started to obsess about work, learning lines several days early instead of relaxing. I worried about my friends; I'd think, "I haven't called that person for ages, they must think I'm a rubbish friend". I worried about my parents, who were upset about my brothers, and, of course, I worried about my brothers, too.
Most people have at least one panic attack
All that anxiety built up inside me. I suppose it was inevitable that it had to come out somehow. And at the end of September 2006, come out it did, in the form of panic attacks. The first one happened at a friend's house, in the middle of the night. For anyone who hasn't had a panic attack - and most people will experience at least one in their lifetime - they are extremely frightening. The sensation starts in your chest. It's like someone's prodding a hot poker into your breastbone. Then your chest feels tight and fluttery, you start to hyperventilate, your heart begins to palpitate and you can feel your pulse thudding in your ears.
Suddenly you feel ultra alert, your eyes are very wide, and a hot, then cold, wave spreads across your body. You can't breathe. You really believe you're going to die.
After that first attack, I found myself in a cycle of fear. I was so frightened of having another that I became even more anxious and the attacks started to occur regularly. Over the next two months I had one almost every day.
Finally, on November 1, I lost it at work. I'd felt totally exhausted from the moment I'd woken up and I'd also had an argument with my partner. I was in the studio, shortly before going on air, and I began to feel like I was going to faint. A colleague asked if I was all right and I just burst into tears: great big, heaving sobs that I couldn't control. I couldn't breathe.
I felt completely unable to go on. I was sent home and signed off work. At first, I couldn't stop crying and I couldn't bear to be left alone. I was terrified that I'd lose my job, even though everyone had been very understanding. The doctor put me on beta-blockers, but they didn't help.
I had to learn to relax
Then a friend recommended a consultant psychiatrist who specialised in hypnosis and I went to see him privately. He prescribed a mild antidepressant and told me that if I was to get over the panic attacks, I needed to change my outlook. I had to learn to relax and to stop worrying about other people.
For the first time, I unloaded all my anxieties and talked openly about how I felt. Using hypnosis - a deep state of relaxation - he took me back to my first attack and taught me to deal with my worries by storing them away in my head so that they no longer frightened me.
Within three weeks I was back at work, and I haven't had another attack since. Of course, I still feel anxious and have sleepless nights. But by using hypnosis CDs and practising the techniques that the psychiatrist taught me, I'm able to get my anxieties back under control so that they don't take over. If I start worrying, I focus on positive thoughts: "Everything's fine", "I'm a very lucky girl", etc.
I've also taken up Pilates, which helps me to relax and to breathe better.
Although my partner was very supportive, I felt that I needed to be on my own and I ended the relationship. I'm starting to appreciate having time to myself and enjoying my own company. I no longer go out when I'm too tired, just to please my friends. I've learnt to say no. I also plan in advance so that my workload doesn't overwhelm me.
Hypnosis worked for me but it isn't the only answer. Drugs, relaxation techniques and therapy can also work. The worst thing that you can do is to try to cope alone.
Press the panic button
According to the mental health charity, Mind (Mind, National Association for Mental Health | Mind), a panic attack is an exaggeration of the body's normal response to fear, stress or excitement.
A spokesperson for Mind says: "When faced with a situation seen as potentially threatening, the body automatically gears itself up for danger, by producing quantities of adrenalin for 'fight or flight'. This would have prepared our cave-dwelling ancestors to fight or to run away from danger, but it's much less appropriate to the stresses that we encounter today."
Adrenalin floods the body, causing the muscles to tense, the heart to beat rapidly, and faster breathing. Other symptoms include increased sweating and higher sensory alertness.
Panic attacks can come on very quickly and last for between five and 20 minutes.
You may have one or two panic attacks and never experience another. Or you may have attacks once a month or several times each week.
For more information on panic attacks call: MindinfoLine, (0845 7660163), which is open Monday to Friday, 9.15am to 5.15pm.
No Panic is a charity that supports people with panic and anxiety disorders. Its helpline is 0808 8080545; No Panic Home Page
