High as a kite

[Lonewolf]

I have been from one extreme to another for a little while now and its really frightening! I'm starting the day relatively positive, then as the day goes on I get higher and higher to the point of being out of control and not having a care in the world and then as the evening draws in, I'm sinking lower and lower until I reach the point of holding pills in my hand, debating my life and maybe my death!!!! And when I eventually manage to get some sleep, I wake up in the morning and it starts all over again!! I have tried doing different things with my day, I have tried being with people, ihave tried herbal remedies and nothing makes any difference to this cycle! I have also seen my Dr! She wants to keep an eye on it!!!! I have no ideas myself! I have always had mood swings for as long as I can remember, but as I get older they seem to be more apparent!! I never noticed it myself when I was alot younger, but these days I feel like i have two different personalities at work all the time! Delirious and suicidal!Don't really know why im writing this, but it feels safe to do it here and I trust no one will judge me here!!!! Does anyone understand what's happening? Does anyone else experience this??

 

[MHealthJo]

Re: high as a kite!!

Gosh I am sorry you are having such extreme swings Lonewolf....

So glad you are keeping in contact with your doctor about it and talking here - excellent.

Have you had a medication change recently? If you are on a medication at the moment it may need adjustment of the dosage or you may need a change, so it's excellent that you are telling your doctor these things.

Make sure your doctor knows if there are any nonprescribed substances you sometimes use or have used as they can affect things. If so your doctor can encourage you with information or services to help make sure your body is not interfered with by other substances that could be interfering with things.

Keep talking and keep her informed, keep emergency and support numbers close and keep talking here... Not sure if one of your avenues of specialised mental health treatment has opened up yet, but if so, they may have an idea of what medication may be more suitable for you with this development, and they may need to either speak to your doctor directly, or, definitely make sure you ask about this and ask if there is a medication change that you need.

I do not have personal experience with extreme swings, sorry that I can't offer some insight from my own experience... possibly someone else may...

---------- Post Merged at 11:27 AM ---------- Previous Post was at 11:23 AM ----------

Oh you did mention herbs LW - just wanted to mention, make sure via your doctor or pharmacist that they are safe with any other meds you are on - in case it is something like St Johns Wort or Hypericum which is not safe/compatible with quite a few medication.

Thinking of you...

 

[Lonewolf]

Thanks! I still can't get help from any mental health services, it is my GP and the social group for people with same sort of mental health issues!! I have a support worker at this group that is there to listen, but doesn't have any power to refer me to anything else!
The medication i am on was tweaked about 2 months ago and i was told to give the new doses time to kick in properly before i ask about them again!!!! So I've got to bear with this for a while! !!
As for the herbal stuff, my Dr doesn't know about that at all, I didn't think she needed to know about that cos it is herbal!! I thought they would be a harmless solution to help with some problems the other meds don't do???
About 10 years ago I did have a drug habbit, but I stopped all that when I moved to where I am now!! I just stopped it! No help from anyone for it!! As soon as I moved, I haven't touched any illegal drugs at all!! I sometimes yearn for them, but I don't do anything about it!!! I do think about it now and then!!!
It sucks!!!

 

[MHealthJo]

Wow, it's excellent how well you have done to get away from illegal substances. Great work Lonewolf. You have kept a lot of problems and harm away from yourself by doing that, and you are sending a positive message of strength out to other people and anyone who reads your experiences. You did a valuable positive thing and I hope there is pride you can develop in that...it is a very positive strong thing about yourself, to think about when you start getting bad thoughts about yourself.

Yeah, it is not that well known that some herbs don't mix with medications. Luckily almost all herbal products are fine. There are just a few that can be a problem. I believe in your country it would have something written on it if it can't mix with a medication, or, check your medication's leaflet - it is almost sure to be there. If in doubt, call a pharmacy and they can probably quickly search the combination for you, or a health website will come up in a google search if your combination is a problem. Or if you wanted to mention it here, Dr Baxter may be able to tell you. Hypericum/St John's Wort is the main common one to avoid with certain mental health medications. I'm not aware of any other common ones, although these days with the bigger range available online,there may be others.

Hmm, after another few weeks, it is probably long enough to judge how the medication is for you...

Something crossed my mind - how long has it been LW since you enjoyed positive happy feelings? You have been through a lot of very difficult stuff, for a really long time. Is it possible that the 'high' parts are a return of some good positive non-stressed-out feelings - maybe that feels strange and unfamiliar after all this time? And then when night falls, for many people night is when the difficult thoughts and feelings come back?

Or, are the high moods 'high' in a scary sort of way, with racing thoughts and big ideas or lots of fast ideas, and abnormally high energy? If it is like that, talk to your doctor again soon if it continues and describe what it is like.

Be sure either way to tell your doctor when you think it was that these bigger swings began.

 

[Lonewolf]

When im having a 'highs' I feel almost invincible! Although when i have had something similar to these highs years ago, I have put myself in dangerous situations that have lead to some devastating results!!! The last one being a year or so ago when I was ****** in my own home cos I invited someone in to my home because I thought they were friendly enough!! (But I completely misjudged that)
I have avoided these situations so far this time round by not going out late at night and not inviting virtual strangers into my home!!
As for happy times, unfortunately I cannot recall many!!! I agree that 'happiness' would probably feel a bit strange!!! As a kid I always knew that there are bad consequences to being happy!!!! I was punished for laughing and joking around many moons ago!!!

 

[MHealthJo]

Poor Lonewolf. It is so important to laugh and joke.

Yes, keep in touch soon with your doctor about these swings and mention what you have said and how much more they are than before, and that you feel almost invincible. Do it soon if you've been considering risky or foolhardy choices. For some patients, mania or hypomania can happen if the type of medication is not the right match for the person or if the dose needs adjusting.

Sorry this stressful thing is happening. You've done great trying to work it out and you are a step closer to finding the best option or dose for yourself.

 

[Lonewolf]

Ive come right down to the deepest pit now!! I don't know what to do with myself! I just want to cry myself to sleep!

 

[Mari]

I saw an herbalist last week and I was impressed although it will take some time to see if what he offered me is helpful. He was referred by a friend and I decided to use his knowledge rather than search on my own. I had a good cry this evening and I am going to try to get to sleep early which is always difficult for me. I hope you are feeling a bit better and that you get some rest. Sometimes it takes a great deal of patience waiting for the help you need but keep trying. Do you have a help line number available?

 

[Lonewolf]

I have the 'sams' number, but im not very good at talking to strangers over the phone!!! I guess I am going to have to learn to ride this roller coaster!! Im just so scared!! It feels like I am 2 different people!! mg:

 

[Harebells]

Hi Lonewolf, sorry you're feeling so bad. I was wondering if it would help to email or text the samaritans if you don't feel comfortable talking? (they usually get back to texts pretty quickly in my experience.)

I'm diagnosed with bpd too and i get the crazy mood swings and feeling like 2 different people. I know that doesn't really help you but just know that you're not alone!!! I find it can be hard to explain to people who haven't experienced it what it's really like (like any experience in life I guess!!!)

((((hugs to you)))) hope you feel on a more even keel soon x :love_heart:

 

[Lonewolf]

I have emailed the 'sams' before and it might be an idea for me to try that again!! Thanks for the idea! Thanks for your response, I appreciate you letting me know I'm not weird and that other people have to cope with this stuff too! It's not nice for anyone, but its good to know im not alone in it!!!

 

[Harebells]

You're welcome! Yes I can definitely relate to it being good to not be alone (while at the same time not wishing those kinds of feelings on anybody!) I was kind of relieved to have some kind of name on what had felt wrong with me all my life and to find out there were others out there...it helped with the self-blame and loneliness a bit.

I've actually felt fairly steady for the last couple of weeks, I don't know if it's the meds I'm on (lustral and seroquel) or something else. It always seems like there are so many variables and I find it hard to pin down cause and effect when I'm feeling ok (or when I'm not ok)....Anyway, sorry, I'm not trying to rub it in that I'm ok at the moment - just to say that there is something (or combination of things) that will help you too. Don't give up hope!!!

Hope it's helpful if you contact the sams...and hope you'll feel much better soon. Take good care of yourself x