Highly sensitive people

[Cat Dancer]

I have always kind of snickered at the label of highly sensitive. But now I'm thinking I am one. I physically shake when things get too busy around me. I stress out when there is too much noise, the tv is too loud, kids are screaming. I want to run away. I have always been like this. There is so much more too. I don't know I know it isn't a diagnosis, but I think it can help some of us understand ourselves better and learn coping skills to deal with the world.

 

[Retired]

Do you find that you are more sensitive to noise and other disturbances in times of stress or is the hyper sensitivity always present?

 

[Cat Dancer]

It's pretty much always there.

 

[defect]

I'm that way too. Lately it's been a struggle for me not to completely flip out on those around me and it seems to be for nothing at all. I notice myself shaking a lot as well, and when I become aware that I'm shaking, I assess myself and become overwhelmed with emotion and tears. I feel ridiculous. Just writing this is making me cry. I felt so overwhelmed the other day that I resorted to cutting. Now I have to hide that. Most of all I just feel silly. I'm trying to let it be okay and not be so hard on myself for it, because that in itself can be another needless torture. Blah.

 

[HBas]

At least you realize what is going on inside yourself and realize that it is something to work on and look at. Realizing what's going on with ourselves is very important and the first step towards handling things. Hang in there, thinking of you both!

 

[heatherly]

I have always been told the same, but I am not sure either. Like you I don't like the TV loud, but I hate some music, especially the piano as it is noisy, whereas the violin calms me. Some classical music gets to me because it gets loud and don't put a piano in it. I don't like kids screaming or babies crying. I would hate to live near a school, but aren't these things common? I have a friend who really hates noise and would love to live in the country. But I couldn't put up with her neighbors either. With me, it doesn't matter if I am stressed or not. If I am not, it will make feel stressed. But are you highly sensitive in other ways? I don't mind crowds though. I am not sure it can be worked HBas.

 

[HBas]

To each his own, just because things are common to others does not mean you are comfortable with it. Avoid what you cannot handle as much as possible and find ways to handle the rest. If something is not to your taste and you can turn it down, best you do. If you are not in control of the area and cannot put it down, leave the area. All I am saying is that you will be able to handle things better once you know what you need to handle and once you find ways that work for you, you will be the better for it

Strongs dear heatherly!

 

[W00BY]

Sensitivity is always seen by others as intolerance and I used to think the same way...

However it was only since being with my partner (who is sooooo sensitive to all stimuli around him) that I thought about this and realized he was not only sensitive but I was too.

I personally feel it can even be on a cellular level your body can be just as sensitive...My skin has always been sensitive as is my digestive system...my irritation socially with others I put down to being intolerant of others and blamed myself...but it stands to reason just like my skin there are days and situations that can inflame me emotionally.

It is a double edge sword because with being sensitive you understand others and are perceptive, empathetic, caring and thoughtful to name but a few attributes being sensitive to your environment and those around you brings. So it is not all bad it's just the downsides are more down than the average person.

I do wonder how many people start off as sensitive in personality and due to adverse environmental factors (and general conditions of their life) end up with serious mental illness through nothing more than being emotionally more sensitive than the average person.

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As for coping skills I find removing myself from the immediate stressing factor helps with me... it is very unpredictable I get really irritated for no reason at people even my own kids and rather than beat myself up about how I feel I take myself off somewhere even if it's just the downstairs toilet for 5 minutes it's better than snapping at people for absolutely no reason.

I like the open... a walk outside on my own always soothes a frazzled self and the final thing I think is to be easy on yourself, my partner is forever beating himself up for his sensitivity of his surrounding and others, he feels he should be able to completely control it but in it is self defeating because you can never control everything around about you by it's very nature.

I personally feel it's better to be completely honest and say to yourself to try and curb it where possible but also that you are who you are and that deep down you know you are a good person and everyone has days were things get on top of them.

 

[defect]

W00BY, I couldn't possibly have said it better myself. I never even thought of my skin sensitivity being a part of this. Even though I now live with 2 family members, I tend to hide in my room, and when I do come out to visit or eat, even the speaking volume of others I find to be unnecessarily loud to the point that I can feel my inner ears becoming itchy. Not all people do this, I think my family is just really loud. Sometimes they are more in tune with me and auto-adjust their volume when I enter, other times not. Either way, I feel really ashamed and embarrassed for how I am. Even now as I'm writing this, I have burst into tears and now I feel like I can't go into the rest of the house because they will see that I am upset and that will upset them. I know they feel helpless and once again I will feel them distance themselves from me emotionally, because there is nothing they can do to help me. I know it is their self-preservation that does this and I know they aren't even aware they do it. I can hear them right now laughing and enjoying each other's company, and to walk in there with teary swollen red eyes and watch their faces and feel their mood pulled down because of my presence, is really too much to bear. I guess they would still question me if I came in there with a paper bag on my head... :/

 

[Retired]

Consider these resources to see if Sensory Processing Disorder might apply to your situation:

Sensory Processing Disorder Explained | SPD Foundation

Sensory Processing Disorder: Causes, Symptoms, and Treatment

SPD is a treatable disorder, usually by Occupational Therapists.

 

[W00BY]

Defect...Have you tried explaining your issues in anyway?

Sometimes the perceptions of a problem are far less when spoken of and even the anticipation of speaking about an issue particularly to those you live with can seem far more daunting than it is in the end...

It would help your relatives to understand why the situation is as it is and start to forge an open dialogue in which you can start to shift your environment into a more bearable direction...The awkwardness your encountering is really just down to lack of understanding and what I have learned from years of therapy is if you don't speak up no one will ever know and ultimately nothing will change for the better as misunderstanding breeds nothing but frustration and negativity.

A final thought is it sounds like your relatives are already searching for the answer... in that they change their dynamic when you are there, again it is easy to see the negativity here and think of yourself as a "social downer" but the fact they shift behaviour shows they know you are struggling on some level this I see as a very positive point even though you struggle with this.

 

[defect]

I have explained it and I do feel they understand it as much as I can explain it. I also feel that they still see me as a pitiful thing, a downer, because they still say things like, "get over it" or "just be happy". Not sure how else I can explain myself to them. They've lowered their expectations of me to a point where most of the time all I feel from them is resentment and frustration that I can't or won't put my feelings aside and participate with them and in life like a normal person. They understand the words I am saying, but seemingly do not empathize with what I am feeling or go through every day, nor want to accept it as a part of their reality. They have said this part explicitly.

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In that, I mean that when they change their behaviour when I am around, like lower the volume, etc., they don't want to do it. They have told me so and they think because there is only one of me and two of them, (and they say that everyone else is like them and not like me) they shouldn't have to accommodate me but they do, but it seems because they say it like that, they do it begrudgingly.

 

[W00BY]

It's not about accommodation, it's about understanding...the next step is when they do retort with "just get on with it"... tell them how this makes you feel have a think about exactly what you need... ask them for it...or even search out a some reading materials and ask them to read it...you can only do what you can with what you have at that point and communication and understanding in any interaction with people will help you massively.

It depends on how far down this line you are willing to go and what both you and your relatives are comfortable with but sometimes borders and perceptions need pushing in order for meaningful change to occur.

I think you need to start with yourself and exactly what you need/require to help you shift from were you are at this moment...maybe you are happy just now?

From your posts it doesn't seem so...however maybe posting here for now is enough?... many people thrash through issues here before they gain the clarity they need to make a meaningful and sometimes scary move...I like to think of it as self experimentation... you try something if it doesn't work you take the positives and learn from the negatives and set up the next move and try again.

The forum community is here... all the information and resources are here... and I do hope you get the shift you need to feel happier with what troubles you.