Home is not longer a haven

[forgetmenot]

When your house is not a home anymore. It use to be a place a safe place a place to go when i felt overwhelmed but now it seems it is not even that. I can's seem to find a room to just hide out in A room where i can go breath It is like it is just a building now there is no safe place really I wish i could just put locks on all the doors but that won't happen

 

[Hermes]

Hello Violet:

That is rather sad. One's home should indeed be the ultimate refuge. Is there a security/crime problem in your area? Is that why you mention the locks?

Best wishes
Hermes

 

[forgetmenot]

No just no where to go thats all to escape anymore.
I have locks to keep strangers out
I just need a place inside to get away i place where i know noone will find me

 

[Hermes]

Is it not possible to tell those you do know not to come banging on the door at certain times, certain days? We all deserve a bit of peace now and then.

Hermes

 

[forgetmenot]

No it is not possible they don't understand they don't see the need for me to just hide sometimes. I think i need to find another place somewhere noone knows about and just hide there Maybe someday the house will become safe again.

 

[Hermes]

Violet: Do you feel some of these people who come to your house (or barge in!) are "unsafe" in some way. Well, it would seem that they do not have much respect for your privacy or your request for privacy. It is their lookout if they don't understand.
Perhaps - sometimes one has to be kind of tough - just tell them straight (in whatever words you would choose), "do you mind not coming around until......."

I am sorry you are feeling this sort of pressure.

Take care
Hermes

 

[forgetmenot]

They are not unsafe My daughterinlaw seems to think she can use my house whenever she wants throws get together without asking me. expects me to just drop everything to be part of it all My daughter i never seem to be able to have a minute to myself she is a 24 hr job. I use to be able just to shut the door and keep people out now i have no strength to even care I want to run i want to hide but where do i do this now. I guess my vehicle is the only other place i have I get in it and just ride aimlessly sometimes just trying to get away from everything everyone trying to outrun the pain i guess

 

[Hermes]

That's rough, Violet. Really hard. Half of us do not know how difficult it can be for the other half.
Time to get that daughter in law into line, Violet....

You mention your daughter is a 24 hour job, and I take this to mean she is very young/not well/has a disability?

I wish you the best
Hermes

 

[Marcel]

I want to run i want to hide but where do i do this now. I guess my vehicle is the only other place i have I get in it and just ride aimlessly sometimes just trying to get away from everything everyone trying to outrun the pain i guess

Hi Violet - I have done this - I find it works the best in the fall when the leaves are changing colour and the roads are free of ice and snow. I also go for l-o-n-g walks until the pain dies down a bit. If your neighbourhood isn't a good place to walk, maybe driving to another nearby area would work. Even in winter, as long as you are dressed in layers to keep warm, walking can be good for clearing your head.

 

[forgetmenot]

Yes she has a psychosis mood disorders ect she is with me now she is my responsibility now my daughter inlaw i tried I told her it would be nice to be told in advance about things she is planning and that it would be nice to be even asked before she holds events in my home. I don't want to be there i don't want to be around anyone i want to be left alone i want to go away Why can't people just leave me alone I don't know i just don't want to be around anyone now sorry

---------- Post added at 01:16 PM ---------- Previous post was at 01:13 PM ----------

Thanks Buffy yeh walking helps sometimes I like the cold sometimes it is the cold that makes me feel somewhat alive. Driving is okay but sometimes it is not as i don't know where i will end up I am glad you understand this feeling It is just wierd how sometimes you feel you need a place away from everyone. thanks for understanding

 

[Hermes]

I do hope things improve a little for you Violet. It must be so hard, and your wish to have time to y ourself is so so understandable.

Take care
Hermes

 

[Murray]

Hi Violet,
I am so sorry that you can't get any peace in your own home. Your daughter-in-law should have more respect for your wishes. If she won't listen to you, can your husband or someone else tell her that she really needs to ask before she assumes that she can use your house and that it should be at your convenience, not hers.

Driving or going for a walk are both great options if you just need some time to yourself. Can you lock yourself in the bathroom and take a nice warm bubble bath with a good book?

I hope that things get better for you soon. Take care of yourself.

 

[forgetmenot]

Thanks Murray unfortunately our home is old the bathroom does not have lock on its door so i do get uninvited people in when i am trying to get bath but thats life i am used to it i guess. I told my husband i am not pleased with what is happening He said she ask him i wasn't a part of the equation i guess. I hate people coming in my house i hate it. It is her sister holding a baby shower for her in my house I don't get it I told her this why use my house go to her own house. I hate it i don't want to be here for it i don't want people in my house i don't know I need to just take my medication i guess and hope i don't freak out. Maybe i will be sick and just not come home for that night Let them have dam get together without me i am tired of people i want them all to go away

 

[David Baxter PhD]

I'd be upset too, Violet. I think it's time to tell your husband that he cannot coomit your home to other people without consulting with you first.

That's just disrespectful, in any relationship.

 

[Jazzey]

I agree, Violet. :hug: And, if it is possible for you to 'escape' that nigh, that's certainly what I'd do.

 

[forgetmenot]

Why am i so upset Jazzey it is just a baby shower but it is hard for me to deal with people I just wanted to have my family a small get together not strangers I will buy the food for the shower but i don't want to be there I don't like crowds i don't like people What is wrong with me Why can't i just cope here accept what is I think would it be horrible if i just supplied the food and not go I am so afraid of freaking out

 

[Jazzey]

:hug: You're upset, I think, because people are invading your space. My home is my sanctuary. Very few people are privy to my space....

It'll be ok, Violet. Can you do something fun for yourself that day? maybe a good movie, with a nice diner?

I hate crowds too...I'm supposed to be organizing a baby shower myself right now. And, gotta tell you, I'll do it, but this is just not 'my thing'.

It's ok if it's not your thing Violet. there's nothing wrong with that. Just excuse yourself. Tell the mother to be that you're not feeling well - go catch a good movie that day.

PS - no, there's nothing wrong with you're supplying the food and excusing yourself - provided you have the talk with the mother-to-be. This was all planned out without you (not that I would say that to her). But, you're uncomfortable with strangers. Let her have her day, and you excuse yourself during the celebration....I honestly don't see anything wrong with that. Maybe your husband is willing to play the baby-shower "melted chocolate in the nappy" game?

 

[forgetmenot]

I am just uncomfortable with people in my home I need to grow up and just deal with it. Maybe my twin will come over and then i will take her home and not come back You are right i don't like people coming in my home I don't feel safe anymore I will try to handle this but if i get too overwhelmed i will leave that final because i did not have anything to do with this in the first place thanks Jazzey i will be alright now I just got to learn to breath thats all. thanks for understanding okay

 

[Jazzey]

I am just uncomfortable with people in my home I need to grow up and just deal with it.

No, not necessarily. I don't think it's about 'growing up' per se. As I said above, my home is my sanctuary. I make no apologies for that. Only those closest to me have been invited here. Again, that's about boundaries, and I honestly don't believe that there's anything wrong with that.

Maybe my twin will come over and then i will take her home and not come back You are right i don't like people coming in my home

I think this may be a good idea Violet. Why don't you do something with your twin?

I don't feel safe anymore I will try to handle this but if i get too overwhelmed i will leave that final because i did not have anything to do with this in the first place thanks Jazzey i will be alright now I just got to learn to breath thats all. thanks for understanding okay

Why don't you plan ahead Violet. Think ahead and decide before the shower whether or not you want to be there...Then you can make plans accordingly. If you're that uncomfortable with it, excuse yourself politely by doing what I suggested above. You can celebrate the baby later in a small family gathering...

I personally feel safer when I can think ahead about these things - when I know exactly what I'll be doing that day. Just an opinion though Violet. I dont' know if you feel that you have to be there?

 

[forgetmenot]

I don't want to be there but i think my daughter inlaw will be hurt if i am not I will help set it all up but i think i am going to do what i said I am going to have to excuse myself soon after it starts Jazzey
I know me The christmas dinner was hard it took so much out of me and that was my husband family. These are strangers i don't know I think i will help set it all up then i will take my twin home just say it is too much for her then leave and not come back If she is upset i am sorry but i didn't want this You are right i will have to have a plan ahead of time so i know what to do. It will be over soon right then i will be okay then i will have my place back and then i will tell my husband no more no more because it is too hard.