How abnormal is this?

[Peanut]

Hello,
I'm not exactly sure how to explain this...I guess I was just wondering how problematic my eating behavior is. ?I'm relatively thin would describe myself as being pretty afraid of gaining any weight. ?I watch what I eat very carefully and always exercise. ?Occasionally I will break and indulge in some fatty food at night, and then wake up in the morning feeling extremely guilty about it. ?I weigh myself quite a lot. ?I'm not sure if this has anything to do with it but I had OCD although I'm not too bothered by it now. ?I'm just pretty much bothered by anxiety in general. ?I remember at one point when I was around 16 I was down pretty low and my mom was pretty concerned, almost taking me to the doctor. ?Another bit of background is that I am a chronic pot smoker (which helps with appetite and anxiety actually, so maybe that's a good thing). ?Do you think this is a disorder or just very disciplined eating? ?
Thank you very much!

 

[Peanut]

Hello,
I'm not exactly sure how to explain this...I guess I was just wondering how problematic my eating behavior is. ?I'm relatively thin would describe myself as being pretty afraid of gaining any weight. ?I watch what I eat very carefully and always exercise. ?Occasionally I will break and indulge in some fatty food at night, and then wake up in the morning feeling extremely guilty about it. ?I weigh myself quite a lot. ?I'm not sure if this has anything to do with it but I had OCD although I'm not too bothered by it now. ?I'm just pretty much bothered by anxiety in general. ?I remember at one point when I was around 16 I was down pretty low and my mom was pretty concerned, almost taking me to the doctor. ?Another bit of background is that I am a chronic pot smoker (which helps with appetite and anxiety actually, so maybe that's a good thing). ?Do you think this is a disorder or just very disciplined eating? ?
Thank you very much!

 

[Cat Dancer]

I think a lot of women (and men too) struggle with eating issues so I would say unfortunately it's fairly common. I'm not sure if it is technically an eating disorder though.

I would suggest that you talk with someone about this if that is possible. Maybe if you addressed the underlying anxiety then it would be easier to cope with the other things.

 

[Cat Dancer]

I think a lot of women (and men too) struggle with eating issues so I would say unfortunately it's fairly common. I'm not sure if it is technically an eating disorder though.

I would suggest that you talk with someone about this if that is possible. Maybe if you addressed the underlying anxiety then it would be easier to cope with the other things.

 

[Peanut]

Thanks for your encouragment. I agree that it would be good to address the underlying anxiety. I think I have a strong drive for perfectionism and that plays into it. I keep thinking that I need to be thinner than everyone else, have no flaws, physical or otherwise. I was doing pretty well with my anxiety until I seperated from my husband three months ago. Strangely I had no feelings about it at all. However I find myself feeling anxious about other things. I went to my doctor for an unrelated matter and my pulse was very high so I ended up getting about 60 doses of ativan (I had to talk the doctor into giving me extra). They have helped a lot although now I'm running low and kind of worried. I also had Valium but ran out of that too. I tried to slow down smoking pot and ended up drinking quite a lot. I think the calories from the alcohol have been very distressing to me too. I know I am coming off like a nutcase, but I do not think and hope that I don't come off that way in person.
Anyway, thanks again. I have had extremely bad experiences with therapy and I don't know if I'll be going back (unless I have to for more ativan).

 

[Peanut]

Thanks for your encouragment. I agree that it would be good to address the underlying anxiety. I think I have a strong drive for perfectionism and that plays into it. I keep thinking that I need to be thinner than everyone else, have no flaws, physical or otherwise. I was doing pretty well with my anxiety until I seperated from my husband three months ago. Strangely I had no feelings about it at all. However I find myself feeling anxious about other things. I went to my doctor for an unrelated matter and my pulse was very high so I ended up getting about 60 doses of ativan (I had to talk the doctor into giving me extra). They have helped a lot although now I'm running low and kind of worried. I also had Valium but ran out of that too. I tried to slow down smoking pot and ended up drinking quite a lot. I think the calories from the alcohol have been very distressing to me too. I know I am coming off like a nutcase, but I do not think and hope that I don't come off that way in person.
Anyway, thanks again. I have had extremely bad experiences with therapy and I don't know if I'll be going back (unless I have to for more ativan).

 

[ThatLady]

Hon, you've got some real serious problems going on. You're abusing multiple drugs from the sounds of it. That's not helping your anxiety, it's causing it to worsen. On top of that, you're probably not getting enough nourishment. You really need to face this for the problem it is, not try to mask it with pot, benzos, and/or alcohol. You need to get treatment for the underlying problems that are causing your anxiety. You also need to address your tendency toward addictive behaviors. These are things best done with a therapist. You won't be sorry, believe me.

 

[ThatLady]

Hon, you've got some real serious problems going on. You're abusing multiple drugs from the sounds of it. That's not helping your anxiety, it's causing it to worsen. On top of that, you're probably not getting enough nourishment. You really need to face this for the problem it is, not try to mask it with pot, benzos, and/or alcohol. You need to get treatment for the underlying problems that are causing your anxiety. You also need to address your tendency toward addictive behaviors. These are things best done with a therapist. You won't be sorry, believe me.

 

[Peanut]

That is probably very true (although perhaps I overstated things a bit, I don't think they are quite THAT bad). I don't think that I'll have to worry about the benzos, I doubt anyone will give me anymore. Perhaps I will try to talk to someone about the other two things though. I did not mean to come across so bizarrely though...I do well at work and in school and am in good health in general. I did not mean to create such alarm! I'm totally fine, no more or less problems than anyone else. Admittedly my coping skills could be much better though!

 

[Peanut]

That is probably very true (although perhaps I overstated things a bit, I don't think they are quite THAT bad). I don't think that I'll have to worry about the benzos, I doubt anyone will give me anymore. Perhaps I will try to talk to someone about the other two things though. I did not mean to come across so bizarrely though...I do well at work and in school and am in good health in general. I did not mean to create such alarm! I'm totally fine, no more or less problems than anyone else. Admittedly my coping skills could be much better though!

 

[ThatLady]

That's what therapy is all about, hon. It's about learning better coping skills. This is the time to do that, before the problems you're encountering DO begin to interfere with you work, schooling and general health. )

 

[ThatLady]

That's what therapy is all about, hon. It's about learning better coping skills. This is the time to do that, before the problems you're encountering DO begin to interfere with you work, schooling and general health. )

 

[Peanut]

Well, I found today that a registered dietitian is coming to give a lecture at the local hospital and that she will be doing free individualized eating plans, so I think I will go to that and that should hopefully take care of the problem. I will just follow the plan she gives me and everything should be fine. Thanks again for all of your input. Sometimes you wonder..."am I the only one doing this or does everyone do this?" and it's nice to have an anonymous place to ask.

 

[Peanut]

Well, I found today that a registered dietitian is coming to give a lecture at the local hospital and that she will be doing free individualized eating plans, so I think I will go to that and that should hopefully take care of the problem. I will just follow the plan she gives me and everything should be fine. Thanks again for all of your input. Sometimes you wonder..."am I the only one doing this or does everyone do this?" and it's nice to have an anonymous place to ask.

 

[coffeegirl]

Hi Toeless~

You do have an eating disorder. I do the same thing, and also have both anorexia and bulimia. I have had an eating disorder since the age of 13 and I'm now 35. Luckily, I've not been anorexic for 2 years though, for the first time since my teenage years.

I'm very suprised that the MD did not put you into therapy when they put you on the Ativan. Normally when an MD prescribes a drug like that they normally recommend that one seeks therapy for further help. Did you mention that you've been struggling with your eating habits? As someone whose suffered for so very long, I deeply recommend that you seek professional help from a tdoc/pdoc (therapist and psychiatrist) for further help.

The therapist can help you in terms of working with you in the manner of teaching you techniques to cope with the stress, finding a local nutritionist, support group, and work with finding the triggers that set you off with the ED. The pdoc will help find the right meds that will help work with the ED, and there are drugs that help make ED's slow down, and stop in their tracks like bulimia, and ENDOS! Yes; believe it or not, the drugs do work!!!! And, they don't make you gain weight either, or at least their are two that I'm aware of that don't for ED's on the market for ED's.

As for the drinking, it sometimes goes along with an eating disorder when the ED is out out of control. Sometimes it is also called a dual-diagnosis. I also have that. When I was first diagnosed I drank considerably a lot, and binged drank when I was terribly manic- I have also been recently diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder as well (oh boy!). So, I understand what you are saying about the drinking. Do not let anyone put you down about that. Try to not drink your feelings away. When you drink, try to tell yourself that you are only going to have 3 drinks, and have a friend with you to monitor your drinks- every time you drink. DO NOT drink alone. That will only get you into trouble with yourself along with mixing those other meds.

Hang in there. I hope that you soon can find help so you are able to feel better. There is hope. I too used to weigh exactly what you did, at the same times in my life, and etc. So, you have hope to move forward. For yourself. Be positive for you!

Hugs~

Coffeegirl

 

[Diana]

Hi Toeless. I am not a doctor, but you obviously have issues with eating. My first guess would be to say that you do have an eating disorder. One thing I would like to point out to you is that medical doctors don't necessarily know that you have an eating disorder just because you go and see them. This has happened in my experience. I went to the doctor to get a check-up shortly after I decided to start recovering from anorexia. After she checked me out I had to tell her that I was anorexic before she knew.
This might cause you to think that you're actually OK - that there isn't anything noticeably wrong with you - that you're not too thin. But, I think deep down you know you have a problem. It isn't only physical weight, but the behaviours and emotions you described.
I believe that eating disorders are ways of expressing negetive emotions when you don't know what the emotions are/you don't know how to express them in a constructive way. Coping mechanisms. It sounds like you're replacing one coping mechanism with another by using different kinds of drugs etc.
I really don't think anyone on this board was alarmed by your post, but they do understand that you need to work through your issues and see someone. Good luck! I really hope things work out for you. Posting here was a good first step, and you should start some kind of healing process now. Even if you just take it slowly.