How do I get over envy?

[bookstar]

Hello,

For many years I have had severe issues of jealousy towards celebrities and all that they have. It almost seems to me that God chose favorites and gave the favorites anything they want in life. Celebs get all the money, fame, sex(women/men), attention, and can have just about anything they want, while 95% of us all have to struggle to have what we have now. I don't get it.

The reason I get jealous is because I can see the male celebs getting the most gorgeous women and all the glory and attention. What bothers me the most is most of them are not any better then you and me. I know God gave me really good looks yet I am a truck driver and can hardly attract beautiful women. I turn them off for some reason even though I am one of the more attractive guys out there. Yet if I was a celeb I wouldn't be able to keep the gorgeous women off me.

Anyway,It just makes me feel so ugly and low about myself when I hear the media talk so big about certain celebs like Pitt and Cruise etc... They rate them as the best looking in the WORLD which is so stupid it's not even worth thinking about. It's got to be a bunch of media hype. Most of it and the statistics are not even true.

What gets me even more is that the media hype is literally brainwashing everyone into believing all this. Women all around me are going ga-ga over Pitt and other guys all because of what everyone else and the media has been saying about them. If any of these guys were just typical everyday people with normal jobs noone would even notice them.

Don't get me wrong. I am not saying they are not attractive, but i am saying that they are not anywhere near as great as what everyone (who is brainwashed) is making them out to be and it drives me nuts because it hurts my own self image in thinking that I must not be as attractive or desirable as these high rates celebs.

Anyway, I would love some input on how I can just know that I am just as attractive and just as good as anyone out there including celebs that get anything they want. I want to be able to look in the mirror and know that I can attract beautiful women and I am just as important as any person that is great in the eyes of society.

Any good suggestions?

Thank you! ;o)

Aaron

 

[Daniel E.]

Re: How do I get over jealousy?

It almost seems to me that God chose favorites and gave the favorites anything they want in life.

Of course, most people in the world are poor by our standards and about one billion people live on about $1 a day. So maybe watching more global coverage of the news would be helpful as a way to offset the media's hyperfocus on a select few. I would recommend the investigative news series Frontline on PBS, though the only thing I watch on TV lately is The Travel Channel.

In psychology, a current hit is Daniel Gilbert's book Stumbling on Happiness. It attempts to explain why being paralyzed or winning the lottery doesn't have much effect on long term happiness. I would assume the same is true of fame. I haven't read the book yet but I have enjoyed watching Dr. Gilbert in a lot of interviews and his TED talk:

TED | Talks | Dan Gilbert: Why are we happy? Why arent we happy? (video)

I turn them off for some reason even though I am one of the more attractive guys out there.

Do you have any women friends? I would think that would be one way of getting assistance:

One truism: Women have friends. A second truism: Women want to fix people up. Show that you're a good guy, and you'll start collecting numbers, says psychotherapist Sharyn Wolf, author of Guerilla Dating Tactics: Strategies, Tips, and Secrets for Finding Romance.

Meeting Women - Men's Health

Also, how many new women do you talk to in a month? One? Two? Ten?

 

[moonriver]

Re: How do I get over jealousy?

Maybe I am being simple here, but not everyone thinks that looks are all that, when it comes down to it, I think we all want a decent person and I find people become more or less attractive to me depending on their personal qualities.

I dont think a lot of the "stars" today seem that happy to me either. I wouldnt want to be them for anything. Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohen, Tom Cruise, Olsen Twins, Brooke Shields, Owen Wilson...these are just a few I can think of that have come out about struggling with depression or if they havent it is apparent they have something. Brad Pitt doesnt strike me as a happy person either, he seems kind of lost actually.

Bottom line is I think we fall for the fantasy of these people but I dont think their reality is what it seems to be. They have a whole team of people making them look good usually too. I dont know, like I said, maybe I am being simplistic here, but I dont think most people truly want that lifestyle or really admire them that much...

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Re: How do I get over jealousy?

I agree with moonriver. The image of celebrity status is what drives people to seek it. The reality is often quite different.

Look at the number of film stars, rock stars, etc., who have died premature deaths and/or suffered the extremes of various mental health issues in the pursuit of their dreams. I don't think the money they had compensated in the least for the horror of their short and troubled lives.

Many cope with excesses of drugs and alcohol. Some become so out of touch with reality that they start to believe their own publicity hype (Tom Cruise). Others just gradually disintegrate until there's nothing left of the person they used to be.

 

[Daniel E.]

Re: How do I get over jealousy?

I dont think a lot of the "stars" today seem that happy to me either.

Me too, especially since a Hollywood marriage is "the exact opposite of a fairy tale marriage."

An online slideshow: Celebrity Divorce - AOL News

There's also the obvious fact that celebrities aren't immune to getting physically ill or injured, e.g. Michael J. Fox, the late Christopher Reeve, Lance Armstrong, Farrah Fawcett, etc:

http://www.kantrowitz.com/cancerpoints/celebrities.html

 

[Into The Light]

happiness isn't about fame and fortune. i think it truly comes down to liking yourself for who you are, and a healthy perspective on life. these are things that i think many of us really need to learn and work at, as we never were taught these things. i am have been and still am learning this, and it is truly amazing.

 

[Daniel E.]

Women all around me are going ga-ga over Pitt and other guys all because of what everyone else and the media has been saying about them.

These same women may be very insecure, however, about their own body image.

Regarding a point that Dr. Baxter made earlier about premature deaths:

Jib Fowles, professor of media studies at the University of Houston-Clear Lake and author of Star Stuck: Celebrity Performers and the American Public (Smithsonian Institute Press), found in a study of 100 stars from all fields—Hollywood entertainers, sports stars, musicians—that celebrities are almost four times more likely to kill themselves than the average American.

"It's an enormously stressful profession," Fowles says. "There is unrelenting pressure coupled with diminishing private lives. They have to be on every time they step out their front door."

In fact, Fowles found that the average age of death for celebrities, overall, was 58, compared to an average of 72 years old for other Americans.

...Show business, like police work and medicine, is a high-risk profession, says Wellisch. "You experience too much, you see too much."

Psychology Today: The Other Side of Fame

 

[braveheart]

Recognising yourself and the contribution that you can make to those around you is to my mind far more precious than celebrity status. And maybe far harder, much more of an intense personal journey. Plus you have privacy when you need it...