More threads by Little_Girl_Blue

I was hospitalized with anorexia some 5 years ago. Since then I got treatment with two or three therapists for about 3-4 years. During that time I had 2 relapses (weight loss and disordered eating) and an extended period of partial remission where I would sometimes still purge or skip meals (but no significant weight loss).

I'm "ok" can I be expected to recover if none of my therapists have ever dealt with my body issues? I'm at a risk of relapsing now because I'm getting bothered with my "normal" body. I can't stand myself in anything tight, meaning I can't wear jeans without wearing a very loose and long shirt covering everything, and I can't wear shorts of a skirt anymore because my legs are too fat for me. I get that it may just be in my head, that I can't be too picky about my body, but honestly - I can't stand not doing anything about it, and so losing weight seems like the logical thing to do. I feel trapped, and I want to wear normal clothes, but that will only happen if I lose 2 more kgs, and then 2 more and so on and so on. And yet none of my therapists have ever tried to approach this. I KNOW I'm not "fat", but I still feel too big. So how am I supposed to be expected to be all healthy and stuff if I feel this way about my body?

I'm supposed to start taking calcium for osteopenia, but I'm very reluctant to do so...because in my head gaining any sort of mass (even if it's supposed to be good for me, like in my bones) is not a good thing. I'd rather be a few hundred grams lighter at the expense of my bones...which makes absolutely no sense! So I don't know how I'm supposed to be healthy if I still can't get past this thing.

Has anybody ever had treatment concerning their body image? How does it work? Did it help?

I know how you feel about the lack of help with average therapist on the body image i once had a therapist tell me that i will always see myself as over weight and fat yet they will see me as too thin or average weight depending on were i am at. She basically set me for failure that i would never see myself as people seem to see me.

I was in a treatment program a couple years later that would help me a lot, a specialized program! WOW! i was happy i had groups on body image and nutrition and self esteem but the thing is i believe that therapist put less attention on that aspect of the disorder to avoid talking about food and the persons body because in some part it is hard to understand how we see ourselves when they look at us and see the opposite of what we see. and for the most part anorexia and bulimia and most eating disorders for that matter have very little to do with the physical appearance but we get so focused on it to not think about the real problems in our lives. So by dealing with the issues that brought you to the eating disorder you are theoretically supposed to feel better about yourself. when you start gaining weight and when you reach a normal weight it is hard because you feel average and your shield in some sense has fallen you are against the world so in my opinion your mind goes back to the negative thinking, and the beliefs of not good enough.

i am on my way to getting better and although the groups on body image have helped me they helped me see that body figures are different from one person to another and that your body is the way it is because that is how it works and that by trying to change your physical anatomy you are basically fighting a battle that you won't win. we learned about shapes like an A shape woman a pair shaped woman and we located ourselves in those types of people and stuff like that it was helpful but still today i see myself as chubby and big, yet i know it is false. but that is how i live now. and some days when i am happier i look in the mirror and i can say wow i have really nice eyes or a perfect noes.. by complimenting certain part of you it will make you feel better about yourself so homework look at yourself in the mirror and find something about you that you do like and slowly those little things will become more and you will be able to see a not so bad looking person!
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