How to function outside of 'crash' mode

[Banned]

It's been over three weeks since I last crashed, and I've made some really good progress in stabilizing my moods.

The problem now is that I feel like I don't know how to function outside of crash mode - I feel like I need to do something to bring on a crash so I feel "normal" (my normal) again.

I get the lunacy of that...but I just feel so far out of my comfort zone, and like things aren't predictable. Before, I knew I was going to crash, I knew how to handle it, I knew when to expect it, etc. Now, it's like staring at a blank slate, not knowing what's lurking around the corner.

I don't truly want to crash - it's horrible and feeling suicidal is definitely not fun, but I feel like if I can bring a crash on, then I can just move on.

Argh...this is a big hump, and it's inducing some anxiety for sure.

 

[Always Changing]

Hi Turtle,
I am not sure if this reply is going to make sense, but here goes.

It is probably going to take a bit of time to get used to what could be for you another way of living which essentially is (I think) what is happening with you.
Maybe right now the "excitement" of being crash free is wearing off.. what I like to call the "honeymoon period" and so you are maybe asking yourself what do I do now, how do I cope with this.

As bad as crashing was, it was familiar and most of us prefer what is familiar over change, kind of like "better the devil you know than the one you don't".

It sounds to me like you could have a "void" of sorts to fill at this time, it could be that you might need to be looking at ways to fill that gap in the short term because in time I think it will automatically get filled in, Instead of wondering or dreading what is around the corner, which is causing you some anxiety maybe you can look at what you were able to do when you weren't crashing. Those periods where where you were on "middle ground", what did you do during those times, how did you go about your daily life? What have you been doing during the past three weeks? Draw on those "good" times to help you to get used to where you are now,



I hope this helps in some way or If I am way off the mark, feel free to delete this post.
Take care

 

[Daniel E.]

Regarding uncertainty:

http://forum.psychlinks.ca/psycholo...-health/15788-uncertainty-is-your-friend.html
psychlinks.ca uncertainty - Google Search

 

[Banned]

Thanks, AC. You're right on a bunch of things - mainly that crashing is familiar and I know how to cope within a crash. I'm finding I have to make a conscious decision not to do anything that would induce a crash - ie going off meds or something. I just finished school and it kept me pretty occupied for four months, but I'm starting another class this week for the spring semester that might help.

I'm finding right now the anxiety comes in waves - at this moment I'm pretty anxious, but earlier today I was fine. I tend to be impulsive at the best of times, so I'm trying to just ride this out, not do anything I'll regret later, and just be aware of what I'm experiencing and how it's affecting me.

It's tough though. I didn't think that being stable would be tougher than constantly crashing but in some ways, it is.

 

[kelsischanging]

Hi Turtle,
I'm not sure if this will be helpful or not but for me the reason I hate not being in "crash"mode is because "normal" non crash life seems so boring. I don't have the high excitement and productivity of a manic episode or the sleeping and obsessiveness of depression.
It's good you are starting a new class soon. That should help give you something to do to occupy your time with positive activities.
Good luck to you as you get used to this new period in your life!

 

[Banned]

Thanks kelseym.

This whole "bipolar" business is so new to me...I just don't know what to expect and I do want the hypomanic episodes...desperately. And I do feel like as long as I'm depressed and in crash mode although I'm obviously not functioning at my best I know how to "fake it til I make it". This just doesn't seem like my life. Not the life I was used to and I dont' know if it's the life I want.

 

[Always Changing]

I too struggle with the "boring life" I now seem to lead, I miss the flights of ideas, the energy and all the things I used to be interested in doing.
While some things I will never do again because of a physical disability I "blame" stability (meds) for robbing me of those other times. But to look on the other side of the coin, I have not been "actively" suicidal in quite a while and that has to be a plus. (the thoughts are still there but I do not feel the need\want to act on them)
I have a part time job that helps to keep me from brooding on the loss and I find that I want to be doing something but do not know what that something is. I guess I could say I am still searching for my own ways to keep the void filled.


Why Meds Series - Part 9 - Miss the Creativity
I found this article at the bipolar central website interesting.

 

[kelsischanging]

This is a big thing to adjust to but...you can do it!! Just like you learned how to function in the "crash" mode, you have to be patient with yourself and learn how to function outside of the "crash" mode. It takes time and help from family, friends, a psychologist, psychiatrist, ect...

 

[Always Changing]

Hi Turtle,
Just wondering how you are getting on these days in reference to the title of this thread.
You are in my thoughts.

take care,