HI there...I'm new here and I'm glad I found this site..and that it's based in ontario! I will probably hang around here for my own issues, but right now, I would like some advice on how best to support someone w/ BDD.
He is my best friend, and we've known each other for almost 2 yrs, he lives a couple hrs from me so we don't see each other often, but we spend hours together every day on the phone and the internet. Getting to know each other has been a trial let me tell you, I have ADD and also been diagosed w/ depression and a side of social anxiety. I have suspected he may have something like OCPD, but of course, I am in no position to diagnose. Because of my own issues, and the issues he has...we have had some very emotional times mostly due to not understanding each other's issues and how best to support each other. We have finally come to a point where supporting each other is more important than being right. Soooo, after my long drawn out intro....
He does have BDD. He was very skinny growing up, and got teased a lot because he's very tall. In university he was treated w/ meds for anxiety...which still creeps up occasionally, but I think he can control his reactions for the most part, he doesn't need meds anymore at least. He is now very big, he works out, but it is NOT excessive and he does not have an eating disorder. He just does not think his body is good enough. It's not all the time. He has good days and great days, but the bad ones are there too. And on some level he knows he has an amazing body, and is ok w/ showing it in certain situations. He might even be a bit of an exhibitionist at times. But in certain situations...i.e. w/ me, on a personal level, because he cares about me a great deal, and what I think of him, he just is not able to let me see any part of him. He thinks he's going to disappoint me, and that I don't find his body attractive. And then....after a little progress (of his own doing...I've never pressured him) and he did let me see some of his body...he just ended up feeling bad about himself afterward because he thought he didn't look good enough, despite knowing that I didn't feel that way. And he was actually more ashamed and upset w/ himself because he was feeling so shy and not good enough in the first place.
Anyway...sorry this is long...I need to know how best to help him through those periods when he's down. I know that me telling him he looks good isn't going to change his own thoughts about himself. I just want to be there for him and NOT have it end up in an arguement. I used to get frustrated because nothing I said ever helped. I am getting much better but really want to do more if I can.
He is my best friend, and we've known each other for almost 2 yrs, he lives a couple hrs from me so we don't see each other often, but we spend hours together every day on the phone and the internet. Getting to know each other has been a trial let me tell you, I have ADD and also been diagosed w/ depression and a side of social anxiety. I have suspected he may have something like OCPD, but of course, I am in no position to diagnose. Because of my own issues, and the issues he has...we have had some very emotional times mostly due to not understanding each other's issues and how best to support each other. We have finally come to a point where supporting each other is more important than being right. Soooo, after my long drawn out intro....
He does have BDD. He was very skinny growing up, and got teased a lot because he's very tall. In university he was treated w/ meds for anxiety...which still creeps up occasionally, but I think he can control his reactions for the most part, he doesn't need meds anymore at least. He is now very big, he works out, but it is NOT excessive and he does not have an eating disorder. He just does not think his body is good enough. It's not all the time. He has good days and great days, but the bad ones are there too. And on some level he knows he has an amazing body, and is ok w/ showing it in certain situations. He might even be a bit of an exhibitionist at times. But in certain situations...i.e. w/ me, on a personal level, because he cares about me a great deal, and what I think of him, he just is not able to let me see any part of him. He thinks he's going to disappoint me, and that I don't find his body attractive. And then....after a little progress (of his own doing...I've never pressured him) and he did let me see some of his body...he just ended up feeling bad about himself afterward because he thought he didn't look good enough, despite knowing that I didn't feel that way. And he was actually more ashamed and upset w/ himself because he was feeling so shy and not good enough in the first place.
Anyway...sorry this is long...I need to know how best to help him through those periods when he's down. I know that me telling him he looks good isn't going to change his own thoughts about himself. I just want to be there for him and NOT have it end up in an arguement. I used to get frustrated because nothing I said ever helped. I am getting much better but really want to do more if I can.
