How?

[Enigma]

How do I stop myself from getting hurt all the time? How do I stop my mind from thinking the worse, all these inadequacies, like I'm never good enough for him? I feel that I'm ruining the relationship because of my insecurities like that.

 

[Diana]

Well, what's going on? Does he act like you're never good enough, or is this just your perception of yourself?

 

[Enigma]

It's what he says that implies it, as well as my perception of myself. The words that hurt me the most was that no words could heal him, which made me feel really useless, that I couldn't say anything to console him.

 

[Diana]

Why does he need to be healed? What's wrong with him? If your words can't heal him then I doubt anyone else's can. It doesn't sound like this is a problem of you not being good enough, but of him not knowing how to accept help.

 

[Enigma]

He's quite perceptive of the world and he gets depressed and all I want to do is to make him happy. I have been able to but it seems like I cannot do that anymore, which makes me feel useless, that I must be doing something wrong.

 

[ThatLady]

First of all, he didn't say YOUR words couldn't help him. He said NO words could help him. There's a big difference between the two statements, hon. You personalized something that wasn't really said in a personal way.

Secondly, you have to realize that you cannot make someone else happy. We're each responsible for our own happiness. We can try to do good things, and we can try to be kind and understanding; however, we cannot make another person happy. It's not in our power to do so. It's not that you're doing something wrong. It's that you're expecting the impossible of yourself.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

I fully agree with both of ThatLady's points.

 

[Enigma]

Thank you. But I stilll can't help feeling he would be better off with someone else.

I also have issues with sex, I don't know why. I just can't talk about it properly, it pains me and embarrasses me to talk about it, and it makes me cry sometimes, that I can't say things, like I'm not fulfilling the relationship in that respect. :-(

 

[David Baxter PhD]

I still can't help feeling he would be better off with someone else.

But that's not a decision you should be trying to make for him. If yuo feel that YOU would be better off with someone else, that's your decision. Perhaps he doesn't WANT to be with anyone else.

 

[Enigma]

I don't think I would be better off with someone else, but I would give that up to see him happy. He says he doesn't want to be with someone else, but it seems like he's happier when he's spending time with other girls. I'm trying to starve myself, just to have a slimmer look - because I don't have the face, that's what I have to do. It sucks that boys always go for the pretty girls.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

He says he doesn't want to be with someone else

Why not try to assume that he means it?

 

[Enigma]

I wish I could. Maybe I'll just try to forget everything.