I can't think

[Lonewolf]

I found out today that ive got a very long wait for the therapy to start!! Once I had opened up a bit in the initial assessment, I have been struggling with stuff that came about afterwards! I don't know why, but I thought I could shut it off until I began the councelling!! I don't think I can and I don't feel strong enough to cope with that!! I just can't think straight! I wish I knew what opening up just a little of what happened, would be so hard to put away again!!

 

[forgetmenot]

Re: can't think!!

I am sorry the wait for counselling is longer then you expected it to be. I know how hard it is to rebury something that has be brought to the surface. Is there anyone else you can talk to until you get into your sessions A church person minister priest all are trained in counseling or you can talk to Samaritans or befriender on line i do that sometimes they help me. Also if you need to just have someone to listen to you sometimes the crisis lines are good to call. You can always talk here ok we will listen hugs

 

[Lonewolf]

Re: can't think!!

No, not really! I am having trouble trusting people right now! I have this automatic shield that comes up to protect myself and the people around me! I am aware of it, but I don't seem to be very good at controlling it!! I don't want to upset them! I don't want them to know how crap im feeling either!! As for talking to helplines and the 'sams', I don't feel like I can tell them how I feel incase it messes me up even more! To be honest, I don't think I have the strength!! It's good to know that you guys are here, but I still have this barrier I cannot shift and it's so painful, so heavy!!

 

[MHealthJo]

Sorry Reeper......

How long is the wait until your treatment begins?

 

[Lonewolf]

I was told that im 37th in the queue!! Im just finding it difficult to switch off from stuff that have been brought up after the initial assessment! Don't get me wrong, I totally understand there are people that need and deserve it so much more than I do! I am struggling to cope with the consequences of opening myself up!!

 

[MHealthJo]

Oh its certainly not a matter of you deserving/needing it any less, it is just a matter of who has been waiting the longest in the line for limited services; who got on the list first. Really a hard situation for you.


While you are at where you are now, maybe what could be best is to just be supported and cared for in where you are at right now. You had to open things a bit to get on the list. But to then still use care and support for the current situation, maybe you dont have to look at that as taking the risk of opening things further. Benefit from the care and support of the resources suggested earlier (including Psychlinks) to talk to and be caring and offer ideas, with where you are now at; but possibly not opening up into more new territory at this time, if you feel more comfortable saving that until you get your formal treatment.

Remember that any time you reach out for a support, it is still up to you how far you want to go and what you do and do not want to talk about just yet. Even if someone uses a question or a prompt, it is up to you whether you want to go forward in a certain direction at any particular time. You can use your own voice to ask for what type of support you think you are looking for at a particular time, and it is okay to warn the person of what ways might be more of a stress that you don't yet have the tools to cope with.

(Of course unfortunately I guess the exception to this, is that you have had to speak enough to get into the system and for them to know what treatment to put you in line for. It really is a shame that that must be done, but then the next step is not necessarily available to you yet. Really hard.)

In terms of actual time like weeks or months, any idea how long the wait will be?

xx

 

[Lonewolf]

I have no idea at all, lol!! Thanks for your advice though. I shall just have to find a way to stop these feelings bubbling over and getting out of control!! I was so scared about asking for the therapy and now its clear to me that I was right to be!! There is always consequences, good or bad, when I try to sort myself out! As history has repeatedly proven!!! I had some skill at shutting the bad stuff out and ignoring them as a child, I might have to dig deep inside and re-establish that to protect myself!! maybe not letting myself feel any negative emotions, like I was bought up to do, maybe it was right, maybe it is the only way to cope!!!

Im sorry if this comes across as a bit angry, I really don't mean to be rude!! It's those stupid emotions again!! I will turn them off, I will!!!

Apologies!!

 

[MHealthJo]

No it doesn't come across angry at all! It is understandably really stressful to have had to open something up, but then wait. Still, a really positive thing you have done though, and the only real way to end up coping and feeling better. (Sometimes it is helpful to remember..... "Well, this is very hard.... but where I was at at the beginning, that wasn't okay or sustainable either. So I am doing this for a reason. And at least I am taking action and that means, in time a change will come."

I do encourage you to look into things like meditation, mindfulness, and relaxation/breathing/yoga perhaps while you wait - can really be of help in really difficult feelings and sensations, in terms of getting through them more peacefully and safely.... (Because remember it isn't wrong or bad or weak to have difficult feelings, emotions are OK. But of course if we can have less suffering that's easier; feel safer with our feelings etc.) Lots of good instructional videos can be found on youtube. I will post back some other resources that may be useful.

Also pop to Psychlinks for a hug or positive thoughts, useful resources and friendly words and faces. (The Anxiety section has lots and lots of tools to check out, when you have a better moment to think or concentrate.) Hugs to you mate. xx