I hate the way I look

[criteriaforhope]

Growing up I was sooo beautiful, im not tooting my own horn and I never bragged about it when I had it all but looking back I realize just how much I had going for me physically, and what a fat ugly blob I've become. Literally my whole entire family, my aunts and cousins used to marvel at how beautiful I was and would try to be just like me. I never dieted or exercised, and I just had this amazing body.

Due to some ups and downs in life, I started emotional eating and started living a severely sedentary lifestyle. This all happened around 2005 and just got absolutely worse by 2007. Between then and now I've gained about 50 pounds. People from my past look at me horrified, I seem much older than my 21 years, and I just dont feel good about myself anymore. I feel embarassed even going out to eat, because I feel like fat people like me are a disgrace eating out -- i know its ridiculous but thats the way I feel.

I start working out for a coupel days at a time but then I just lose hope at times when Im getting dressed and feel like crap next to my skinny sister and fit and fab mother.

I always hear "oh you've got a wonderful personality, you've got gorgeous features hun but really you could lose a couple pounds." Its super embarassing.

How do you motivate yourself enough to skip the emotional eating that stems from poor self esteem and work toward being fit and feeling amazing again??

My new year's resolution is to give the gym a 3 month commitment and hopefully lose 25 lbs by my birthday in the start of april.

 

[Jazzey]

Re: Hate the way i look

Hi CTFH,

I really relate to everything you've written. Fitness, shape, etc...It's all so personal. I can't speak for you. So here's what I'm willing to share about me, my life. I "was" anorexic for about 10 years. Without going into too many details, I had a very strict regiment. A Professor from University helped me get out of that routine.

Gosh, I feel I've wasted so many years. CFH...Lean on us here at PL... We do have a lot of experience to offer.

For me, I wish that I had this last year's knowledge about 2 years ago. Isn't that always the way?

 

[Yuray]

Hmmmm..........my wife was thin when I met her. Now she wieghs 260 lbs. She bitterly complained about being obese. I told her she should do something about it. She didn't, but continued to complain.

Finally she admitted she had been put on a pedestal by others for her beauty, and that she was trying to maintain the faith and adulation that others put on her. She forsaked her own 'self' to please others.

Ultimatley, it became a question of self esteem versus over eating. She tried to defy nature's dictates that she was to be a heavy person, and defer to societies, and ego's demands that she be thin, sleek, and visually pleasing to others.

She made a choice, finally. The sensory input of her tastebuds won out over the pleasing of those around her who had put her on the pedestal. (much to my pleasure).

This is not so much a question of emotional overeating, but of perhaps self esteem and the desire to be held as the beauty you once were, and the task of living up to others expectations of you. Your beauty may be in the past, but whats wrong with people identifying you with the more realistic virtues of good personality and good features, which are both far more attractive than beauty to a sincere suitor?

Anyone who has the audacity to say you could lose a couple pounds should be off your Christmas card list, for it appears they are more concerned with your physical appearance for whatever reason over your emotional and personal well being.

If you choose to sell yourself as a sleek thin gorgeous woman, go on a diet and make it so, but all you will get from people is someone looking for a new paint job. If you embrace who you are, fat and all, you will attract someone who is more concerned with the mechanical soundness.

You have usually one good shot at being who you are supposed to be. If you choose to resist, the battle goes on forever. Some women have been losing the same 25 lbs for 25 years. Surely time can be better spent. On the upside, New years is only a few days away, and you can begin losing your first 25 lbs!

I hope you can be who you want to be with the least amount of effort!

(I know I didn't cater very empathetically to your request for insight to weight loss and emotional eating, but I by far am impressed by people who accept who they are, what they are, and their acceptance of both, without excessive attempts to change for reasons that others have made known).

PS....my wife weighed 120 when we were married. She now weighs 260. She looks the same to me)

 

[sparkely]

give your gym a good chance and maybe do some group fitness to i love those, the right diet to will really help you, don't eat a lot of bread and pasta lots of fat and carbohydrates in them. i used to be a hugeeee girl when i was in school then i had my baby boy 3 years ago and i work out and eat really healthy and seems like its all helped a lot. everything is hard work ugh unfortunately. trying thinking positive tell your self everyday that you look amazing and you will loose weight you would be very surprised how powerful your brain really is!!!!!

 

[SilentNinja]

Heya!

Im where you are at just now... All my life i have trained in martial arts ) i have never been nice though or had a good body ) but i have never been fat untill now! Ive gave up everything and put on 3/4 stone, none of my clothes fit me and it makes me wanna cry. I eat junk and stay up late playing Ps3 which i am addicted too!

I hate new year but the one good thing is it means a New Start... i think you will find after a few weeks of the gym you will start to feel good about yourself again... the gym will help you get fit and feel good but mind dont over do the excercise and dont diet.. just eat healthy, ( my friend started to diet and got carried away ) i think thats the way to go.... but this is only what i think... i am the worlds worst advice/helper outer!

 

[adaptive1]

I felt kind of sad reading your post, you are so hard on yourself and to call yourself fat ugly blob ust be so hurtful. Dont get me wrong, I dont claim to know anything. I went to a dietician myself lately because I was so confused about how much I should weigh for my height as I am quite tall and what to eat and I tend to worry about what to eat and how much.

The visit was so different than what I expected, basically she was tellling me diets dont work and asked me why I really wanted to lose weight and I didnt even know anymore, I guess I just thought I would look better to everyone else.

I think as women we just have that expectation we are supposed to be thin and look a certain way and it never seems like enough. The dietician basically told me to eat healthy and dont have good/bad food lists and eat when I am hungry until I am not hungry and eventually my body will adjust to it and find a healthy weight. The gym is great but even then, if its not what you really want, its easy to either over exercise chasing the ideal of what you think you should look like, or not go at all because your heart isnt into it. I plan to give yoga another try in the new year, though I havent had a heck of a lot of success with the relaxing part of it.

I am working on these concepts but it is very hard not to diet when I have been dieting most of my life as have most women I suspect, at least at some point. The hardest thing I think it not emotionally eating or binge eating when you are upset. What I have been doing is asking myself what it is I am really hungry for when I feel like over eating or I ask myself what feeling I am feeling. I allow myself to have uncomfortable feelings, it is really hard to do that when I am used to getting rid of them with some obsessive means. It has taken me years to realize that I do this.

I am not saying any of this will work for you, I thought I would share what has been helping me get a little healthier. I wish you luck and be gentle with yourself.

 

[Hoss]

criteriaforhope: At least you were once objectively, externally beautiful. Most people never experience or are able to say that about themselves. If losing weight will bring you back to that state of grace, hit the gym.

 

[Ashley-Kate]

hello,

I think i can relate to how you feel when you say you hate the way you look. I have had an eating disorder for the better part of my life and i just turned 22 recently. I am doing much better now yet i still feel the same way about my physical appearance but what helps is that my boyfriend adores me and sees me as none other than beautiful. I don't see it at all yet i try to convince myself and make myself understand that beauty is about perception and no one perceives the same way. To one person i may be the ugliest person in the world; to another i may be gorgeous.

We are our worst critics. we expect perfection because we are highly demanding toward ourselves but if you look around how many people do you know that are perfect. you are beautiful because you are you; that may sound clich? but it's true no one can be more perfect at being you than you. you may want to lose a few pounds if so do it to feel better inside and not to look better outside. it's not the outside that will determine how you feel inside believe me.

good luck to you and believe in yourself.

 

[busybee]

Hello.. the journey that you are about to embark on has to be the one YOU want to take. The weight issue is the exterior.. what is happening on the interior is what matters the most. At the end of the day you have to find the balance. Do you look in the mirror and value who you see. Self esteem about who you are. Seeing past the exterior as it constantly changes... babies, age, physical exercies.

My coping strategies for many years included self harm by over-eating, emotional eating.. Now I am loosing weight.. after 25 years... because its what i want to do for ME. Not to make others happy. Not to make me look any better for others. But because I feel better about me. I am not seeking unrealisic goals.. Our health is all we have for the rest of our lives..

Hopefully you will find the self love that you need. Fill your universe with people who love and care about you the person. Best of luck on the most exciting journey ... YOUR LIFE YOUR CHOICES YOUR DECISION..

 

[CarlaMarie]

I struggle with this issue. It all depends on how I feel inside what I see in the mirror. Right now I hate the way I look and the way I look really hasn't change much. There have been times I have looked beautiful in the mirror loved the way I looked even at the weight I am at so that tells me it isn't my looks it is my perspective. When I am like this I try not to spend too much time in the mirror. This too shall pass. If I do spend time in the mirror I start picking on myself and all the things I don't like about myself. I can be brutal. I am trying not to do that today.

 

[boi]

Just another side of this. I have the opposite problem. I sometimes worry about losing weight. Even though I have never suffered from an eating disorder I was always teased about my weight in school (too skinny) and was told constantly by other people that I needed to eat more. I was raised in Europe and back then weight (in society) was not such an obsession as it is now, however, I was always smaller than the norm. That caused annoying comments about how I should eat more, even if it was not done in a malicious way. I guess what I am trying to say is, what everyone else is saying here, and it's about how you feel on the inside and if you are healthy not how you look externally. Everyone is built differently as well. People like to judge and make assumptions about other people's physical appearance whether too big, too small, too tall, too short and the list goes on and on. It's about them and not us. Them projecting their personal issues on us and making us feel bad about who we are. I try and eat healthy not for weight issues but for my overall health. Whatever comes after that, so be it.
By the way, Happy holidays everyone!!