I have a big empty hole inside me

[Cat Dancer]

I try to fill it with food, not eating, cutting, lots and lots of other things, but it's still there. There is this huge emptiness that WANTS something in it, something and I don't know what it is. I worry that I am just going to keep looking for something to fill it and miss out on life around me while I'm looking to fill this empty hole. I'm not diagnosed as BPD, but I do have some traits and this is one of them.

I want to be satisfied and at peace with ME and not want something I can't have or is impossible to achieve. I screwed up therapy so I can't figure it out there. It was such a painful experience and ending that I, at least for now, am not ready to go through that again. I have a DBT workbook if I can find it. Would that help with this?

I want to have realistic expectations too. Does everyone have this hole to be filled and how do you fill it? I hope this makes sense.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

 

[forgetmenot]

YOU did NOT screw up therapy hun don't say that ok and i do hope you go to the next therapist because maybe that one will have a new approach to help you
You are not to blame hun ok for your therapist leaving no way

 

[Cat Dancer]

How do I go to a new therapist and trust? It took three years for me to trust this one. The thought of trusting anyone makes me feel sick.

 

[W00BY]

Well the thing I would glean from your experience so far cat is that due to your experience of learning to trust your therapist and learning about what it took for this to come about will have left you with some idea (when you think objectively) about exactly what it is that you need in a therapeutic relationship... .


Orrrrr... any relationship for that matter...you should from there be able to use this criteria to then look around for a therapist who fits it.

All is not lost and how you feel is understandable and a natural part of ending any relationship more so for you as it has taken you so long to feel comfortable.

I think of it therapists a bit like driving instructors and learning to drive...sometimes you need to go through a few to find one your comfortable with enough to take on the demands of learning to drive and all entailed...you when in therapy are in the driving seat too, taking things in the direction you need them to go in.

You may even find a therapist were the relationship is easier built and you feel comfortable far quicker!