I just want to sleep

[Ashley-Kate]

well as always i am still up at 12h30 and i am leaving to the gym in about 4hour but i have programmed by brain in some way to avoid as much sleep as possible cause i just basicly can't sleep i fear that the most i know i need to sleep but i can't the fear of the tourment i get everytime i fall asleep is too great for me to take the risk i have still very frequent nightmares about my past abuse and the flash backs during the days are increasing more and more probably because of the lack of sleep buti don't know how to stop it i just can't forget it .. i can't live anymore .. everything i do is in function of what happened everything i fear is because of that and all the things that disgust me or make me feel uncomfortable are in function to my past i don't even know who ashley really is anymore .. or who she would have been i just want the memories to go away to forget everything to not feel so scared .
how i realy don't know
yours trully
ashley

 

[Halo]

Re: just want to sleep

Ashley-Kate,

From what you describe above about not sleeping and in the other post about continuing to blame yourself for the abuse that happened I want to strongly urge you to find a good therapist who you can talk to. I honestly believe that not until you begin talking about these thoughts and feelings will you start to feel like you can live a healthy and happy life free of the fear of sleeping, the nightmares, the negative thoughts etc.

I think I recall you saying in another post something about seeing a new counsellor soon but being scared because you are moving in August and don't see the point in starting and having to stop when you move. Ashley-Kate, I know that it is hard to think of starting and stopping therapy for the sake of 8 months but just think of the great work that you could get done in those 8 months if it were only to focus on the sleep and nightmares. I don't know but I worry that if you don't talk to someone now before you go away to school in August then things are only going to get much worse with this together with your eating disorder issues.

I am not trying to be preachy here, I am only concerned for you and your well-being and I don't want to see you wait until August to begin to heal.

Take care
:hug:

 

[^^Phoenix^^]

Re: just want to sleep

Ashley-Kate

i would aggree with nancy here, only because if you are now suffering from insomnia, it is going to be even harder to function 'normally' during the day. Eight months is quite a long time to get some work done, its also a long time to go through what you are going through with out some help.